Urgent

[Tumi]

When a baby is conceived on the 30 of August when will the due date of the birth be? i am really looking for an urgent answer please, my boyfriend slept with another girl on the 30th August and now she says she is pregnant and does not know who the baby daddy is but she is giving birth this april ... how possible is it my boyfriends? he is very traumatised and when i call her she laughs, we had a fight and thats when he slept with her. Thing is if the baby is his then i wont be able to be with him as its his first child and i dont even have a baby yet, i wont be able to stand the hurt.

Please help ...

Glad I cheered you up even for a second

Like I said if you both do truly love each other then you will manage to work through it, you will both have to work long and hard to rebuild your trust and faith in him but maybe your baby is a sign that it is meant to be and to work at it for your son or daughter!

All this aside how is your pregnancy going?

Not well at all mamadiva, i cant eat or even sleep and it is putting alot of strain on me. The doctor has adviced me to get emotional help from friends and family and thats what i have been doing, it is my first pregnancy and i dont seem to be getting used to it. All i am worried about is that if i loose my baby then i am better off dead, my baby is my life and all i can ever count on at this point. God gave him to me so that i can have peace and be able to enjoy my blessing.

Tumi, you are still letting this wretched woman wind you up and spoil your pregnancy. Please be under no illusion, that's what she's doing and that's what she has intended to do all along. She has obviously been sleeping with her bf the entire time, is sure in her own mind it's his baby and is having a lovely time, enjoying her pregnancy with a delighted bf who has no idea she slept with your bf the once and any spare spite she has going, she's sending your way when she's a bit bored and fancies giving you a bit of a wind up.

Your bf was drunk, for all we know he was too drunk to sleep with her or a condom was used. Even if that baby is born 40 weeks to the day that he slept with her, that STILL doesn't mean it's his! Sperm lives for several days and she probably had some of her bf's knocking around up there at the time.

She is NOT going to want DNA testing, this is all part of the wind up! She knows it's her bf's and isn't going to want to let him know she slept with yours. If you start to go on about DNA testing, all you are going to do is to then give her free rein to fob you off with a million reasons why it can't be done but to keep the "oooh, it might just be your bf's" stick waving over your head.

Please put this out of your mind. Leave her to get on with it and enjoy your pregnancy and your boyfriend! Every time you find yourself thinking about her, force yourself to think of something else and go and do something to keep your mind busy.

Tumi I really do think you should get serious help! You sound depressed to me and no eating or sleeping is no good in pregnancy for you and for baby!

It took me a while to get used to being pregnant, I was in hospital for 3 days because I felt sick everytime my DS moved

Just concentrate on what's best for you right now! Can you change your phone number and stop phoning this girl?!

Nekabu is right you will probably never know and there will be a million reasons for her to avoid a DNA test!

Do you live near her? And how does your boyfriend feel about everything? What is he doing to support you and your baby right now?

I dont know how many times you have told me to leave that woman alone and i always get her to take the best of me and thats by making me worry and stressing, i wish i could make everything disappear but that can never happen as i just have to deal with it myself.

Thanks again Nekabu for your help and encouragement, i will have to try harder than what i am doing now to live a peaceful life without her being in my every thought.

I dont live near her and my boyfriend has told me time and time again to let her out of our lives as she is destroying our happiness over us being pregnant, he sings to me every night, massages me and always tells me i look better than yesterday.

He does not have her numbers and i stored them in my head, i remind him every day that she exists and sometimes he gets angry but i shout and tell him he started this which makes him end up apologising and feeling all guilty.

I will do all i can mamadiva to get all the help i need, i really think i need help.

I think Mamadiva's right and you do need help to get you to stop letting her wind you up. Whilst you're allowing it, she's going to carry on with it. Have a word with your GP and see who they can refer you to. This woman is getting EXACTLY what she wants. She is having a lovely pregnancy, has a loving bf who doesn't have any doubts about the paternity of the baby and she has a little wind-up Tumi whom she can prod when she gets a bit bored.

You do realise she is fully aware it isn't your bf's baby, don't you? If you need help shutting her out then get it as this will run and run if you let it and this total bitch should not be allowed to spoil the life of you and your family!

I dont know what to say Nekabu, that just made me cry on how i am letting my life slip away ... I REFUSE!!! she will never get the best of me [cry]

Tumi, keep that attitude up. She is spoiling your life and that of your family for fun. If that baby is your bf's I will eat my hat. Hell, I'll eat her hat too! From what you've said, I'm sure she knows it isn't too. I am positive she will never allow a DNA test (you'll get nothing but excuses as to why it couldn't happen) so she'll keep you dangling for as long as you let her if you're not careful and continue to let her play games with you.

Every time you get the urge to call her, call your bf instead. Each time you find yourself thinking about her, go and do something else and refuse to give her the satisfaction of winding you up. To start with you'll need to force yourself but it will get easier with time.

Oh Tumi

Take yourself out for a pampering session and try and put things in perspective. You are letting this get to you which is bad for your baby and you, you really need to concentrate on the good! You have a bf who obviously wants to be with you and you are pregnant!!! Nothing else need matter until there is some proof. Shut her out of your mind and life as much as possible, she's not at all important. x

Thanks you Nekabu and mrsdisorganised, i will take it a step at a time and do whats best for me and my baby. I PROMISE

Tumi, I know this is personal but do you mind me asking what age you are?

Tumi,

If she is contacting you, the thing that got rid of Lu (my fiance's ex) was by basically saying that if it is his, once the dna test has been completed let us know and we will pay the maintenance.

We basically said we want nothing to do with the child (we would have done obviously) and that we would pay maintence but as far as we were concerned neither existed. If she doesnt leave you alone, I would suggest you get your bf to have this serious conversation with her, to basically say this. At the end of the day, she is his problem not yours, and although you are a couple, it sounds like you are dealing with all the stress from this.

Unfortunately men dont get effected by things like this.. but put your bf in your situation, what if you were pregnant and werent sure who the father was, im sure it would be tearing him apart.

Try not to argue with your bf, but instead sit down and have a serious conversation about it, at the end of the day, you are about to have a baby together and this isnt something you can brush under the carpet. you need to talk about it so you can deal with it like adults for the sake of you and the baby.

Hope everything is ok with you and the baby, but you really need to eat even if you cant sleep, otherwise you wont be getting the nutrients you need to help the baby develop.

Think about you and the baby and no-one else at the moment... be selfish for once and concentrate on you... you will always have you and the baby even if you have problems with men!!

please take care!

Laura

Hi Tumi

How are you feeling today?

Hope you don't think I was being harsh yesterday I just come over that way sometimes without meaning too .

Glad to see you have got your head in the right place now

I meant to ask when is your due date? Sorry if I missed it, also one of my wonderful, habits... randomly forgetting posts

Barbielovesken i am turning 25 in July

Hi Laura
Thanks for your thoughtful words, i am feeling alot better today and ready to kick some ass

Mamadiva you always makes me smile and are really good at it i should say, today is much better than yesterday and i want to keep it that way. I wont let her spoil my day or even focus my mind on her today.

I hope you are also having a grear day

Hello Tumi. I've been thinking about this and it strikes me that you potentially have a bit of power here.

You know about your boyfriend's indiscretion. But her boyfriend does not. And she'll want to keep it that way.

So, if this bint woman contacts you again, perhaps something along the lines of...

"Isn't it about time all four of us sat down and discussed how this is going to work? Obviously you think (your boyfriend) is the father so we'd want to be involved. Have you made a final decision on a name? I'm sure (your boyfriend) would like to have some input. How does (her boyfriend) feel about this?"

I'm not suggesting you threaten to tell her boyfriend (I don't think you should) - but mention your boyfriend's involvement with the baby, and there's a good chance she'll scarper

Ooh now that is cunning Josie, why did'nt I think of that

Tumi if your mind starts to wander to the dark side (what can I say I like being dramatic) try and get something even a little things orted for your baby, one little decision at a time, every bloody decision revolving around a child takes hours

Longtalljosie you have a point there, i actually made my friend call her and pretend to be calling from the hospital and just ask a few question including the contact details of her spouse and as stupid as she is she gave us. So at this point i do have his numbers and i made sure it was his for sure, when my friend called him to just clarify if he is the babys daddy he said yes i am the proud father to be and thats when i knew that he knows nothing about my boyfriend

So you are right, i do have some sort of power as she will die if he finds out!

Oh mamadiva you are so wicked i love it !!!

mamadiva i forgot to answer your question, my due date is on the 22 November

Am Tumi!

My DS is almost 3 and I would love another DC but DP does'nt want another because DS has been hard work as it is!

Very cunning Tumi!!

You definately have the upper hand, and if she causes anymore issues I would remind her of that!

Take care of yourself and start enjoying planning for you and your new family!!

er i presume her boyfriend is going with her to registers her babys birth,how the heck is she going to explain to him putting your boyfriends name down on the birth certificate ? this girl is all hot air if you ask me . Also ring her and say your boyfriend would like her to name it herbert or esmerelda after his maternal grandparents

I would tell the boyfriend, not to be mean but he should know that there is a chance that this baby is not his, before he puts his name on the birth certicate/bonds with the baby.

He needs to know so he has the option of doing a DNA test himself when the baby arrives. I suspect your DP will never be allowed to do a DNA test to clear his name but if her boyfriend does one, hopefully that will give you the answer you need.

Babieseverywhere, I think that's going too far. She knows, we know, everyone (bar Tumi) knows that this baby is her boyfriend's. She may be a spiteful biatchtroll but that is no reason to wilfully put her relationship at risk as that will have a direct knock on effect on her baby who really has done nothing to deserve it. Nothing wrong with Tumi passing a shot of 'carry on winding me up and your bf's going to find out' across her bows but I wouldn't tell him at this stage.