Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VIII - Knicker Checkers and Pad Patrollers welcome

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Is that ok?

scarlotti thanks for being so positive. You're right. If I didn't give it a go then it would always be "unfinished business". You've made me smile.

Hello all

Crunch - that sounds optimistic, but don't let him mess with your head. Difficult balance, I know.

I am incapable of remembering everybody's different stages, whether they've had scans, and what particular bit of NHS fuckwittery each has to endure. I hope this is due to pregnancy brain rather than being an uncaring old bitch. The postcode lottery is something of an outrage. I live in north east London, and one hospital doesn't do scans before 12 weeks under any circumstances, while the other you can self-refer to the EPAU whenever you have a problem. If it's acknowledged that such a service is needed, why is it 'not needed' at the first hospital? Madness.

I'm now 26 weeks !!!!!! Had a MW appointment yesterday, which revealed Cromwell to be the right size, and when she listened to the heartbeat (and I heard it for the first time, and blubbed). Having been all worried last Friday that he wasn't moving much, he then proceeded to beat the living daylights out of me all weekend. The tinker.

MW also confirmed that I do have SPD. Great. It's a bit horrid, and makes me sympathise with old ladies. I have to plan my day so there's as little walking as possible, even getting on the tube at the right place so I am near the 'down' escalator at the other end, etc. I just hope it doesn't get worse than this...

herb welcome to the rubbishy SPD club. It's a pain in the neck. I hope it doesn't get any worse for you. So glad you had such a good MW appointment. I was overtaken by a little old lady walking up the hill the other day certainly does make you appreciate the daily struggles of simply getting somewhere on foot.

My head will be in a crash helmet at all times - ready to headbutt him if need be

crunch am hoping that your home situation improves. It sounds promising but take it slow?? Such a tricky situation at the best of times, let alone when you are close to having a baby!

hobnob your MW sounds pretty supportive in getting you your early scan. We saw a HB at 7 weeks so fingers crossed you will feel better this time tomorrow!

Hospital appointment went well. Well, I say well...I was in and out - BP done (123/79 which is -phew- ok) wee tested, quick chat with registrar who felt the bump, listened to the HB and I was on my way. Finger swelling had decreased by 3pm so I wonder if it was that I was just on my feet and in warm room this morning. Am relieved BP ok, and will no doubt have it checked at MW appointment in 2 weeks. Have unpacked bag as a result!

Am going to watch this Louise Rednapp thing tonight about skinny pregnancies. I have eaten 3 mini flapjacks since getting home so I don't think she'll be needing my imput on this subject!!

crunch you're stupid to even think you may be stupid! You're being very brave Let's hope that glimpse of the old DH will repeat itself until he's well and truly returned to himself.

hobnob good luck with your scan tomorrow - I shall keep my fingers crossed for you.

As for skinny pregnancies - I haven't a hope in hell. It's a tradition (police only? I have no idea) but if someone cocks up they have to buy donuts (really serious cock ups mean cream cakes). Sure enough one of my colleagues made a booboo so I, confined to the office as I am, could not escape the lure of the donut and had not one, not two but three. I like to think that as a percentage of 15 it's not toooooo bad?

Sorry ladies - gatecrash alert.......
Wheely - hello Thanks Yes I am 15 weeks pg Still can't quite believe it. How are you?

Morning all!

Hope I didn't miss too much cake or lowering of tones yesterday

Crunch I have my fingers crossed for you that things are on the up, and no, you're not stupid.

Due date came and went. Got a bit interesting though! Went for my 40 wk mw check up, and my stupid bp was up and after checking it 4 times wouldn't behave, so I got parcelled straight off to hospital for monitoring. Oh the joy!

I was there for just over three hours, and spent two of those hooked up to machines because nipper decided to be super active, and her heart rate was too high. My bp on the other hand was fine...

So, all is fine again and I'm having increased BH - they were every 10 mins while I was on the machine. I must admit, I stupidly got excited.

Now I'm back to waiting around again with a stretch and sweep booked for next Friday, and apparently I'm to be induced on April 7th if nothing has changed by then.

Back to cake eating for me! Well, porridge for brekky in a bit anyway.

Hope you're all ok this morning.

P.S Skinny pregnancies??? Hahahahahahahaha!

I measured 44 weeks yesterday

My lady bits are trembling in fear!!!

Thanks for all the "You're not stupid" comments

tat doughnuts can you post me a few next time?

hobnob fingers crossed for your scan this morning x

bee 44 weeks! Cor! I've got my fingers crossed for that to be all length and little width Increased BH might mean a beginning (I always go into false labour at some point in the week before, MWs are even fooled by it very unfair)

ladyhelen I'm going for a skinny pregnancy - it's just the world is filled with food and baby insists it is eaten

Hobnob fingers crossed for your scan today.

Ladylush I'm 15 weeks too! Am hitting am irrationally angry phase, as in rip the head off any chuggers who dare to come near me in the street, snap at my poor old dad, fired off waaaaaay too strongly worded emails to admin staff yesterday and made them all tremble. I'm a danger and no mistake and by rights ought to quarantine myself. Failing that might buy myself gag.

Crunch hope everything all works out for you guys would be lovely if you get the old him back in time for the birth.

Grinningbee you're going to be next!!! How exciting! Start munching on that pineapple and hopefully you won't have to be induced

to everyone else and forages back to fridge laughing hollowly at the thought of skinny pregnancies...

morning all.

Hobnob - hope things go well this am.

Scarlotti - hang in there for your scan, though it WILL be the longest 4/5 weeks of your life!

I got a date for my next scan and booking in - both due when I'll be out of the country - boooooo. Have to ring them to rearrange, so it'll probably be an even longer wait. boooooooooooo again!

PS Tattifer if those doughnuts had holes in the middle surely that almost makes them low fat so actually a good thing seen in that light?

Doughnuts... mmmmm.

Same theory applies to broken biscuits - if they're broken it means the calories fell out...

Hello, I have found you all!

I see I have missed some arrivals, so congratulations to Wheely and TSOM. Hope things are going well.

All OK here, now 32 weeks. Baby has moved around and is punching/kicking me in the cervix/ribs... but I refuse to compalin about it

Waves hello to everyone I know and hello to all the newbies.

hobnob good luck for today

tattifer I work at the police too! Not a pc though, am on a contract so merely a satff post Have to say, have never worked anywhere before where bringing in goodies was so regular!

grinningbee fingers crossed your lo makes her own entrance before the 7th.

Ladies - I could do with some advice - and who better to ask?!
I've been feeling really low for a good few days now and am concerned. I had post natal depression after ds and I know that makes me a higher candidate for ante-natal depression (yes, there is now such a thing). Dh and I have had our problems over the last year or two and I'm not sure it's resolved. I'm worried now that I've been so fixated on another baby, esp after the m/c's, that I've not stopped to think about the home we'd be bringing another one into. Almost as if, as it was what we'd always planned then we had to do it - does that make sense? I guess I'm now wondering how do I work out if this is just hormones, is something more serious in terms of depression or is actually the sinking realisation that our marriage isn't going to last long term and I've now made more of a mess of things by getting pg?

Appreciate that this is more of a needed rant and outpouring but if anyone has any words of wisdom I'd be grateful. Read some stuff on the net about antenatal depression then had to go to the loo for a quick cry - is that the actions of a sane woman?!

scarlotti it's obviously difficult to say without all the facts. M/C and TTC and pregnancy all put a huge strain on the strongest of marriages. You do become focused on TTC and spend less time on looking after each other and yourself. It sounds like you are suddenly letting in "everything else" and it all seems overwhelming (especially when you throw in hormones too). Try to break it down a bit, what are the problems in your marriage? Do you need to spend more time together? Has daily drudgery taken over? Do you ever do things just for fun?

Sometimes starting to feel as though "things might be ok" with baby, means you turn all your fears and worries onto other aspects of your life.

Not to mention the fact that focusing on TTC is a very nice distraction from grieving for what you have actually lost (I'm very guilty of this).

Let yourself be sad. CAn you talk to your DH about your feelings?

Scarlotti you sound perfectly sane to me.

I know the closer I get to having nipper the more hormonal I'm getting, want to cry and at the same time being grumpy with dh.

Would it be worth sitting down with someone (whether mw/gp or someone else, not sure who to suggest) and talking over your feelings to see if they think it is something to get sorted - or if it is indeed just normal worries at this stage? If you're worried I can't see the harm in chatting it through, even if just to put your own mind at rest. Don't keep it bottled up.

Sorry if that's not much use.

scarlotti - I think feeling really low is actually really normal. I experienced it for a couple of weeks towards the end of the first trimester - I was so tired, and hopeful, but not wanting to get my hopes up, and hormonal, and everything was getting a bit much.

I'm not trying to minimise your experience at all - obviously if you've had PND before, there's a good chance that this is or could become something more. Have you spoken to your GP or midwife at all about the risks of antenatal depression? I'm guessing that getting support in place sooner rather than later (just in case) is probably a good plan.

Thanks ladies. I do feel better for having poured it all out so I guess that's the way to go. Am hoping to sit down with dh tonight and let him know what's going on. I might make another mw appointment too as I'm not due to be seen again now until 16 weeks.

crunch you're right, I/we do need to break it down. I think fundamentally we're quite different people and he's also quite different now to when we met. I'm much more outgoing and full of life (normally!!) and he's more sit in front of the tv and do nothing. it's an undercurrent that's been going on for a few years now. Every 6 months or so we speak about it and he accepts his energy levels are low, I accept that I probably demand more of him than he has to give, then we both feel better for talking. Nothing changes and then there we are 6 months later.
I think in my heart of hearts, I can't see this lasting long term, as I want more out of life than he can give. It's nobody's fault and maybe I have unrealistic expectations from life. Maybe normal life just is this mundane all the time and I can't accept that.
Whatever the reasons, I am now where I am. Whether we "should" have got pg again is now a bit redundant I guess. Hopefully we'll work through things and give the kiddies a good start in life even if we don't make it to the bitter end.

Anyway, enough from me! This is a pregnancy thread not a relationship angst thread.

Thanks though, humbled by the support.

This isn't a relationship angst thread?! Oops!

scarlotti it definitely sounds like a bit of the magic has gone. Normal life shouldn't be mundane (except for the mundane bits ). It sounds like a bit of a battle to get him to do things with you. Is there anything you enjoy doing together? Cinema? (Tell him it's a big TV!)

Keep pouring it out here.

crunch it is for anyone else who needs support!
You're right, there is very little spark there now. Hasn't been for quite a while which then makes it hard to remember if there ever was iyswim. talk is all mainly around the house/kids/work and nothing that allows us to flourish as individuals. I've tried to instigate a games night or do something different, we manage it once or twice then it dies. Unless I keep the momentum going it doesn't happen - and I'm getting a little tired of doing that for both of us. Thing is, he's happy with life the way it is, doesn't see any need to be out or doing stuff. Enjoys coming home and watching tv, relaxing after work as he puts it.

We will see what tonight's chat brings. Am feeling much stronger than earlier (amazing what a good bawl in the office loo can do!!) and more positive about this little bean. I brought my daughter up alone for 8 years and went to Uni at the same time so I know I can do it again if need be. In an ideal world not, but knowing I can at least gives strength to be able to choose the right life for me if it gets to that point.

You're fingers crossing seems to have worked and against all the odds I have a little heartbeat that measures exactly on dates

I still don't really believe it and I definitely can't get my head around the fact that it's possible to be 7 weeks pregnant and feel as un-sick and un-bloated as I do. Part of me still thinks that m/c is imminent and I just happened to see the wee bean before the worst happened. I'm late for lunch, I haven't dived into my dried apricot stash or needed an apple to sustain me through the morning and my boobs seem to have deflated. Time will tell, but for now, I'll allow myself to smile

The downside is I had to cancel my booking appointment for the scan today and I can't make it to another one for another 1.5 weeks...

scatlotti so sorry to hear about your feelings ATM. I have to say, your marriage sounds much like mine, but I resigned myself to mundane when I realised I'd be a golf widow in a new community I was unfamiliar with, without a car nor any of my old friends nearby when we married and moved here 5 years ago. Hence why it was so important to have kids and give me a new focus. In another life, I'd be travelling the world working on humanitarian projects . As a teacher, I see every day what bad parenting can lead to so I see it as my duty in life to make sure that never happens to my kid(s?). DH will come home and loaf on the sofa being way too tired for anything, but I do make him make the tea whilst I deal with bath and bed . crunch our life is mundane to the extreme, but we do count ourselves lucky that we have a stable income and can provide for the wee one. Even if the whole of our lives seems to be devoted to earning that income and recovering from work!

hobnob very happy for you. That's great news. I didn't have any MS at all with ds1 (thankfully that was pre-MC so I didn't feel worried by it and could just enjoy not feeling bad) so hormones just play with our heads.

I think one person's mundane and frustrating is another person's contented and secure Hope I didn't offend.

scarlotti that is indeed true. I would give yourself some time and stop putting so much pressure on yourself

We'll go sky-diving and forget all about day-to-day drudgery

no offence taken crunch. Just resignation that this is as good as it gets [sigh]

Oh hobnob your post makes me

Would you like to come sky-diving with us (in our fantasy ) - guaranteed to put a spring in your step.

Excitement doesn't have to come from DH, it can come from friends and DCs and doing something that scares you just for the sake of it