Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VIII - Knicker Checkers and Pad Patrollers welcome

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Is that ok?

ladyh - so so happy for you - well done . I remember looking out for you after last time, and being so thrilled when you were pg again, and now here we both are with our babies.

sydneysuze - it really does come up and mug you again at the strangest times. I ended up sitting on the sofa with my mum, holding Maya on my chest and sobbing about the baby I lost last March. Feel quite teary typing this now - I don't suppose it ever completely goes away...

crunch -very considerate of you to wait until I had time to get back on here - I was convinced I was going to have missed everything. for you at people who say 'I don't want to say anything to upset you right now, but hey, I think I will anyway, because I'm a self-righteous tosser'.

herby and hugs for you. You did make me smile, though - it's so normal to feel that way.

sorry I've only had a chance to skim - but xxx to everyone.

Thanks ladies....

Have just noticed it's 9.30 pm, not a squeak from Crunch since 9.30am - do we think we have lift off maybe .... ????

alana, that's brilliant news, you must be so relieved.

Crunch..? Helloooooo? (tumbleweeds)

We just interviewed a doula (the one who can spell and punctuate), and think we're probably just going to go with this one. She kept asking me about what sort of birth I wanted, though, and I finally blurted out 'I just don't want to do it all.' Hello, my name is Tamlin, I am five years old.

Hi there girls!

I haven't been on in a while - I was trying hard to keep my neuroses to myself in the run up to my scan - but I had it yesterday and there was a little jumping bean in there measuring way bigger than it should have done! They've brought my due date forward by 5 days , but I'm pretty convinced I know when I ovulated and implanted so I'm a bit concerned that they'll stick to that date and I'll end up being induced early (DD was an induction at term +14). SO something else to worry about now...

It's really odd, but I've been so much in denial about this pg, like scotlass was saying, that now I've started telling people I still feel numb, a bit like it's all a theory that we're all talking about and it's not really happening to me. I'm really not engaged emotionally at all. It's a bit pants when everyone around you is so genuinely happy for you and all you can muster is a forced grin and a 'we'll see'. If it was DH, I'd be calling him a grumpy git for it.

Thanks for all the support in my darker days pre-scan. It's so nice having this community of understanding people.

Looks like crunch is busy? Fingers crossed!

Scarlotti whereabouts were you in Aberdeen? That's where I am at the moment - nice day on Saturday, wasn't it? Shame it's been Baltic the rest of the Spring so far!

Oooooooooooh still no Crunch, fingers well and truly crossed.

Tamlin you don't sound like a five year-old to me, just a very (understandably) frihgtened woman. I think having a doula you can trust is a great move, do you do any yoga at all?

Scarlotti yes, if the baby is willing (eh Gentle) we are hoping to find out the flavour today. Am trying very hard not to freak out about this morning's anomaly scan it's just all reminding me so much of last year...

I know logically that this baby's heart is working but I somehow find it hard to believe it. Thanks for all your good wishes, esp Scotlass and Daisy, you all know what it's like ...

Ashliegh know exactly what you mean about pre-appointment terror - I get like that too. And Herby I think it's totally understandable to be protective and sometimes even slightly defensive over a baby after miscarriage - and I loved what you said Scotlass about appreciating every squeak once they're born

Saving the best til last - Alana I once had a whole morning's sample leak in my favourite handbag on the way to a midwife's appointment and had to carry said bag around with me all day to work etc - had it been any other bag I would have binned it.... I swear it got me a whole row of seats to myself on the train later though
Even after I sprayed half a ton of 'Allure' in there I'm sure it smelt more like 'Pensioners' Special'.....

Ooops forgot to say congrats on your scan Hobnob - maybe they'll adjust the dates back at your 20 week one?

Me? Give birth this century?! In my big fat dreams!

Nope, still here. Although I think I've had a show this morning (you'd think I'd be sure but nope) so you never know.

Sydney good luck on your scan this morning. I'm sure it will all be fine like the last one Good luck finding out the flavour, I reckon it's a... girl.

hobnob congrats on a great scan, I completely agree with that numbness, that's exactly how I felt. I would have thumped anyone who said "we'll see" to me, but I said it to everyone! We protect ourselves anyway we can.

Tamlin love your 5 year old "I want to do it all" decision. Very sensible! I think an important interview question should be, "Would you sing heavy metal tunes to me as the baby is born?" if the answer is yes then you definitely have a doula prepared to do whatever you want

scotlass 3 weeks already I really am overdue, aren't I? Glad things are still so blissful for you (in a screamy, nappy-y, sleepy sort of a way).

alana at your old lady smell. I'm glad you managed to get some reassurance. A lot of ladies get cervical erosion which causes bleeding but is harmless. Not fair that you have to go through the additional worry though, not fair on any of you ladies.

herb my current terror is being induced. The only thing I have actually bought for baby is the birth pool, and all the clothes etc. are cleaned and in boxes in my room - not put away in drawers, just in case. Had a few tears at 5 this morning. Just like with DS2 I won't believe I have a baby until that baby is out and safe and in my arms.

scarlotti I was the same: I remember announcing that I'd changed my mind and I wasn't going to have a baby after all (this was about 10 seconds before he crowned )

Well, I'm a week overdue by my later dates now Come on little one, time to brave the real world - I will remember this moment for when she announces she didn't ask to be born

Hobnob - I'll join you in stressing about due dates that are too early. I had it with DS - I knew when I'd ovulated, but the dating scan put it 6 days earlier. Towards the end, I persuaded someone to put the date back to my calculation, because I was worried about being induced. And DS turned up the day before he was due (according to me), weighing 9lbs.

This time, my due date is again 6 days earlier than if I go by my LMP. Slightly more complicated, because I don't know when I ovulated, and my LMP was a miscarriage. I'm a bit dubious that I ovulated as early as the due date would put it though - not sure I'd even stopped bleeding then! And I had a reassurance scan at 7 weeks (by LMP)that measured 6+6, which makes me even more dubious. (They won't take that scan into account, because the sonographer stuffed up somewhere and put on my records that I was 23 weeks or something stupid, even though the measurements clearly show a teeny 7 weeker.) The 20 week scan shows the baby measuring 5 days big for the earlier date. So if my suspicions are correct, not only is there the risk of being induced early, but the baby will probably be huge too! Ho hum!

Crunch sorry to say good morning to you and your bump again, but the show sounds promising? Come on trocodile princess, it's nice out here and we all want to say hello!

sydney thinking of you this morning and hoping little one will co-operate on the flavour side of things.

hobnob do you live in Aberdeen then? My in-laws (actually all of dh's family) live there so we were up for mil's 60th. She's in town but bil and sil are in Blackburn. We are debating whether to move up there after dd finishes gsce's as we're going to need some family support with the expanding brood.
Know exactly how you feel re the emotional attachment. You explained it perfectly re the experiment! I just can't quite connect with the baby at all, am sure I feel the odd movement but even that doesn't move me any closer. Sigh. Hopefully as we progress we'll start to dare to think we might end up with a baby..

Lol at all the wee stories!! sydney if it was that gorgeous a handbag I'd have done exactly the same!!

tamlin good news on the doula. Have toyed with the idea of one but am not sure. They do post-natal ones and that I'm quite keen on - someone to help out and even do the odd sink full of dishes, sign me up!!

Sorry if I've missed anyone - wave to you all

daisy thanks for the , How's Maya enjoying the world?

Just thought I'd update the list - done a bit of snooping and a couple have sneakily had babies elsewhere, so I've updated them. Congrats Aquababe! Look forward to hearing more birth stories.

So I'm now all alone in my April slot

Scarlotti hope things are ok at your end Any improvement with H?

GUSSET PATROL GRADUATES
Cricri - 1st November - GIRL- Elise Vivienne
LackaDAISYcal - 6th November - BOY - Finlay
barbareebaa - 24th November -BOY - William
Jackstini - 10th December ? BOY- Harvey
KD73 - 20th December - BOY - Aidan George
downbutnotout ? 3rd February BOY
dan39 ? 10th February GIRL - Rose
winemakesmummyclever - 17 February - BOY - Isaac Alexander
Bunnyinheadlights - 23 February - GIRL - Carys
Wheelybug - 12th March - GIRL - Lara Florence
TSOM - 17th March - BOY - Seth
Grinningbee ? 4th April ? GIRL ?Amy Florence
Daisy J ? 1st April ? GIRL ? Maya Celine
Scotlass - 17th April - BOY - Nathan James
Swaliswan - 20th April - GIRL
Aquababe - 6th May - BOY

CURRENT CONCEIVED-AIR PASSENGERS

Youknownothingofthecrunch - 25/30th April
Ladyhelen2 - 3rd May
LoobyLou36 - 3rd May
Ses - 10th May
SparkyMalarky - 15th May
divedaisy - 7th May (also 12th, 17th or 19th!!!)
cece - 18th May
joyfuleyes - 29th May
herbaceous - 28 June
Mumface - 11th July
nattythomasandellen - 16th July
Ashleighbeee - 23rd/25th August
blogqueen - 31st August
lal123 - 25th October

Duh, I didn't add our favourite Royal Ladyhelen I beg your forgiveness.

To everyone else, please add yourself when you feel comfortable to do so

GUSSET PATROL GRADUATES
Cricri - 1st November - GIRL- Elise Vivienne
LackaDAISYcal - 6th November - BOY - Finlay
barbareebaa - 24th November -BOY - William
Jackstini - 10th December ? BOY- Harvey
KD73 - 20th December - BOY - Aidan George
downbutnotout ? 3rd February BOY
dan39 ? 10th February GIRL - Rose
winemakesmummyclever - 17 February - BOY - Isaac Alexander
Bunnyinheadlights - 23 February - GIRL - Carys
Wheelybug - 12th March - GIRL - Lara Florence
TSOM - 17th March - BOY - Seth
Grinningbee ? 4th April ? GIRL ?Amy Florence
Daisy J ? 1st April ? GIRL ? Maya Celine
Scotlass - 17th April - BOY - Nathan James
Swaliswan - 20th April - GIRL
Ladyhelen2 - 2nd May - BOY - Rufus Daniel
Aquababe - 6th May - BOY

CURRENT CONCEIVED-AIR PASSENGERS

Youknownothingofthecrunch - 25/30th April
LoobyLou36 - 3rd May
Ses - 10th May
SparkyMalarky - 15th May
divedaisy - 7th May (also 12th, 17th or 19th!!!)
cece - 18th May
joyfuleyes - 29th May
herbaceous - 28 June
Mumface - 11th July
nattythomasandellen - 16th July
Ashleighbeee - 23rd/25th August
blogqueen - 31st August
lal123 - 25th October

Crunch things are definitely on the right track, thanks for asking. Life still isn't perfect but he's been to the docs and spoken about lack of energy. He's now decided to give the ad's a try and is hoping they'll kick start his natural energy stores. An appointment has been made for Monday.
This is the biggest step forward I've seen in the 7 years we've been together. I'm hoping it will really help him - other areas of his life get affected too. Work is tough for him as his concentration is so poor, health wise he doesn't do much so it's all a bit of a spiral.

Am more hopeful (although still cautiously) than I've been in a long time.

How are things with you? Are you parking it all to concentrate on your dd's arrival?
Have to say, it was dh arranging the appointments himself and going through with them that's made the biggest difference. Like you, it's always been me in the driving seat up until now. Gives them the easy option of sitting back and doing nothing.

Hi all, im not sure if im on the right thread, as you all seem to be nearing the end of your pregnancies!
I have had 2 miscarriages, one last august at 5 weeks and then January this year had a scan at 8 weeks and all was ok and then at 10 weeks was told that the baby hadnt grown - all i had had was a small bit of bleeding, no major pains etc and i needed an erpc

Im now pregnant again, 6+2 weeks and am very nervous, every twinge, ache, etc makes me very worried that its all happening again

Im now even worried about going for an early scan in case the same thing happens - in denial i know, but am just scared.

Has anyone been in this situation and has any advice, i would be grateful.

Scarlotti that's really good news. We've sort of parked it for now, but I'm not sure there's much left to park. He's still not taking control of his treatment; still not started CBT or even phoned up to see if he will start it, still not doing things that need doing, still waiting for it to fix itself rather than fix it, still bloody hopeless.

I know the only reason he hasn't shouted at me lately is because I don't engage with him and walk away instead. He is still creating little dramas.

The latest (and most annoying and thoughtless) is having been sent reminders by the DVLA he has let his driver's licence run out. Which means currently I have no one to drive me to the hospital in an emergency Obviously in a genuine emergency I would get him to, but it's just so unnecessary and stupid. Only found out 2 days ago (he left the letter lying about, not man enough to tell me or just sort it), he's been driving around for 3 weeks (with the DCs) and no licence, so no insurance either

He is now forbidden from taking them in the car.

I'm just trying not to let his irresponsibility get to me. It's all so unnecessary.

Had a good cry early this morning about how scared I was of being induced and how I have no one to share my fears with; or to give me back rubs; or to talk about the pain I'm in. No, I just get an idiot who still thinks the world should be revolving around him.

When I said to him that he really should be focusing only on the feelings of me and the DCs and his behaviour towards us (rather than his feelings and our behaviour) his farcical answer was "That makes me feel so sad". Never even thought to ask how it made us feel

Oh no, it's turned into another long rant - next time just don't ask!

Ciara welcome (ignore my rant) - people usually only add themselves to the list later on, so it looks like everyone's nearly done

You are absolutely in the right place. Your feelings all sound very familiar - analysing every symptom, every ache, every pain. It's really hard not to. Please feel free to air all your worries here - we all share them.

Are you planning on an early scan? I did find it helped (but only in that moment, as soon as the scan was over I always felt like "it was ok, but is it now?"). I still think a scan helps - each hurdle passed is one less to get through.

Ciara - you're definitely on the right thread! I was just htinking I'd be left her all on my ownsome when the rest are up to their armpits in nappies! Welcome.

I know how you feel about EVERYTHING making you think you're going to lose it - feeling sick, not feeling sick, feeling happy, feeling sad, telling people, not telling people. It does get better.

Hi Ciara, I've only just found this thread and am 15 weeks tomorrow. I think I spent the first 9 weeks this time trying not to think about being pregnant - then started being spectacularly sick at work and had no choice. Still worrying about everything but was surprised that I felt calmer the other day after posting on here for the first time - I think maybe just saying what was worrying me helped a little bit.

Thank you for the welcome everyone, and lal fingers crossed we can go through this together - what stage are you at?

Im not sure what to do about an early scan crunch, cause last time i had one, it all seemed ok and then i miscarried, so i would be exactly like you said- well it was ok yesterday but what about today.

I know worrying probably makes it worse, but what can you do eh?

At the moment, i have almost AF type pains ie they dont really hurt, just uncomfortable if i sit in the wrong position -not helpful when at a desk at work :0

Yesterday i got a almost like stabbing pain low down in my groin but it went within seconds and hasnt come back.

Im awful, arent i?

You sound just like I was Ciara and I had very similar pains. Sounds like the uterus stretching to me. The pains to worry about are the ones that come in waves, are regular and increase in pain. If you're feeling certain pains only in certain positions then it sounds like they're nothing to worry about (and therein lies the challenge ).

I think the most important thing I realised on here is that it is ok to worry. It's normal and there's no point in feeling bad about feeling bad. If people don't understand why you're not "overjoyed" then you don't have to justify yourself.

And then there's always here to let out all the crazy worries

welcome ciara you are certainly in the right place with people who understand exactly how you feel.
I'm now 13 weeks and have had 2 m/c before this pg. I also have 2 dc's already. 1 m/c at 5 weeks then the next at 10wks with an erpc.
I spent the first 12 weeks of this pg completely detached emotionally and haven't moved forward much since to be honest. I had 3 scans at 6, 8 then 12 weeks. Each one helped at the time but the worry does come back. You do however get to release the last lot of worry before storing up the next lot, so maybe that's a positive!

crunch sorry to hear it's still a bit pants. I think you're doing the right thing though by refusing to engage with him. He can't create a huge drama on his own. It seems as though the headway you might have made when he moved out has maybe been lost - do you think that maybe he's forgotten what it was like to be away from you and the dc's?
Try and stay strong over the next few weeks/months until you and your 3 dc's are all back to fighting strength. Then you can address what needs to be done. If it were me, I'd be tempted to let dh know that's what I was planning to give him a timeframe of when things would need to have progressed by.
As for your fears and worries, we're here Let it all out and we will listen.
Induction is a scary prospect but let's hope that it won't come to that.
Any chance you can go for a quick jog around the block?!

Thank you Crunch, you dont know (although i sure you do) how good it is, to have somewhere to let out my worries and then have people reply back going yeap that was me as well

I suppose my other worry, is that for my miscarriage in January, i didnt have and pains, just went for early scan cause of previous miscarriage and was told sorry

I then think perhaps cause im having some pains, its better, and then i think maybe its not - you cant win can you?

Drumroll........

Anomaly scan was fine - everything all in order and the baby is well!!!!!!!!

And guess what flavour we're having? Crunch you were right, sonographer 90% certain we're having a little girl!!!! That's what I thought too, but wasn't sure if I was just trying to make everything as different as possible to last time, if you see what I mean. So now, without further ado, I'm adding myself to THE LIST

GUSSET PATROL GRADUATES
Cricri - 1st November - GIRL- Elise Vivienne
LackaDAISYcal - 6th November - BOY - Finlay
barbareebaa - 24th November -BOY - William
Jackstini - 10th December ? BOY- Harvey
KD73 - 20th December - BOY - Aidan George
downbutnotout ? 3rd February BOY
dan39 ? 10th February GIRL - Rose
winemakesmummyclever - 17 February - BOY - Isaac Alexander
Bunnyinheadlights - 23 February - GIRL - Carys
Wheelybug - 12th March - GIRL - Lara Florence
TSOM - 17th March - BOY - Seth
Grinningbee ? 4th April ? GIRL ?Amy Florence
Daisy J ? 1st April ? GIRL ? Maya Celine
Scotlass - 17th April - BOY - Nathan James
Swaliswan - 20th April - GIRL
Ladyhelen2 - 2nd May - BOY - Rufus Daniel
Aquababe - 6th May - BOY

CURRENT CONCEIVED-AIR PASSENGERS

Youknownothingofthecrunch - 25/30th April
LoobyLou36 - 3rd May
Ses - 10th May
SparkyMalarky - 15th May
divedaisy - 7th May (also 12th, 17th or 19th!!!)
cece - 18th May
joyfuleyes - 29th May
herbaceous - 28 June
Mumface - 11th July
nattythomasandellen - 16th July
Ashleighbeee - 23rd/25th August
blogqueen - 31st August
sydneysuze - 15th September
lal123 - 25th October

Scarlotti at just the idea of me jogging - it'd be like a whale flying at the moment, both unlikely and inelegant

I think I just really want a homebirth again and I hate the idea of being poked and prodded in hospital (unless there's a medical reason of course) In some ways I'd prefer only the extremes: natural birth at home or c-section. Which is daft.

Ciara I agree with Scarlotti about letting out the stored worries each time you have a positive scan. This thread has been an absolute life saver for me. I had a missed miscarriage at 13 and a half weeks (baby had died at 8) so I had no symptoms either (apart from spotting just before I found out). It's just as easy to dwell on no symptoms as it is to dwell on symptoms

My conclusion is that the signals my body sends me are a load of rubbish It doesn't have a clue what it's doing, I just hope baby does!

Hooray!! sydney that's wonderful news and a lovely little girl to boot.
What a wonderful start to the afternoon

Sydney Hurray! And welcome to the list! That's fantastic news.

So my record is still intact - probably (I have so far always been right about every friend or family member, and now my powers are expanding to encompass t'internet too )