Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VIII - Knicker Checkers and Pad Patrollers welcome

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Is that ok?

crunch maybe you should record an answerphone message something along the lines of...
'Trocoldile Princess has been born but we've decided not to tell anyone and have run away.... obviously we're not actually that thoughtless and would appreciate the same level of thought from you at what, if you think about it, is a very frustrating wait!!' or is that just my devious side coming out?!

H keeps asking me if I'm ok as I'm not myself. It's been noted then that I'm not bright and breezy, but don't think he realises it's just because I can't be bothered to do the PR job that all is fine and dandy anymore. We're off to visit the in-laws next weekend so won't rock the boat before that. Who knows, maybe my mood might alter dramatically after tomorrow's scan.

scarlotti ooh, give it another couple of days and I'll be annoyed enough to do that!

Good luck for tomorrow I will be thinking of you (between contractions, obviously). I hope it gives you some peace of mind.

Just had a long talk with H about his behaviour over the past year, the emotional abuse he has doled out and the fact that he has yet to change his ways. He said all the right things and I wish I could believe him, I really do, but the fact that he's making no effort to chase up CBT is a big red flag. On the whole his behaviour in the past fortnight has been much better and I haven't been on the end of an angry outburst for 3 weeks now, but I don't feel anything has fundamentally changed and it's just a matter of time.

Time will tell.

Contractions (BH) have stopped too

And the sun's gone in.

(Do you think I might be a little hormonal?

crunch maybe the BH have stopped to make way for the real ones!!

As you say, time will now tell with your H. Sadly I also have one that can talk up a storm and seem very sincere when it's needed, but action is very slow or non-existant in following. He has an appointment with the doc tomorrow to talk about dreadful energy levels but I'm not holding my breath it will actually deliver anything.
Also, I feel I might have about got past the point where I care anymore I think there's only so long you can believe in someone's ability to change when things never actually do. For me, it's just slowly eroded what I feel and left me in a state of near apathy. Not the best foundation for a future.

Maybe mine is hormonal too?

Still here, still overanalysing my symptoms

Scarlotti good luck today, hope everything is on the up for you.

Ah crunch you are still here. Had logged on and wondered if you were 'otherwise engaged' as it was all quiet. How many days over were your ds'?

Well am at work, although I don't think I'll be very effective. Scan is at 1pm so leaving around 12. Just feel nothing which am sure is a sort of defence mechanism but still strikes my brain as very odd and cold.

For anyone that had felt the same, did it disappear after your 12 weeks scan, diminish or am I destined to feel this way until around November 7th (God willing)?

Scarlotti, I just answered your post a bit over in the November thread, but I think that I'm feeling a lot happier and more hopeful now - I suspect that it varies from person to person, depending on when you experienced your loss. I have a friend expecting twins who's trying to keep the pregnancy a secret (despite visible bump) until she gets past the 18 week mark - which was when she lost her previous set of twins.

It is such a relief stopping trying to suck my tummy in as we've started telling everyone now...

scarlotti I felt the same - it did begin to fade after the 12 weeks scan and I gradually began to bond with baby. When I started using a doppler at around 16/17 weeks that really helped it all become real for me (but I was still convinced the anomally scan would show something).

Just coast through work this morning and let yourself be a bit mechanical about it all - it's your brain trying to protect you. My mother couldn't understand at all why I cried after being told all was well, and why I still looked so down, she kept trying to cheer me up with "isn't it all so magical? and it's ok! You can be happy now!" and I didn't feel anything much for days I'd shut down so much. But it did come and I do feel bonded to baby now, I think I was just in a sort of self-induced shock.

Tamlin great that you're telling everyone and letting it all hang out (in a good way)

I did want to ask if anyone is at all upset by my labour-watching? I would hate to think that I'm upsetting anyone on here, so please say if I am. These threads have always been such a mix of good news and bad I've no idea how they work at all!

tamlin thanks for both answers.

Have just been thrown a bit by amyboo's post on the November thread. Healthy baby with hb at 10 wk scan, baby passed away at 12.5 weeks so no hb in her scan today.

Feel like I'm about to cry.

crunch am more than happy to hear your labour watching ramblings, it's a lovely reminder of what this is all really about, especially when we're caught up in the 'is everything going to be ok' stage.

scarlotti you know you are allowed to cry (shock horror even at work!). You are bound to be really stressed and hearing someone else in the same position has had bad news makes it even harder. It's not long now, just hold on a little bit longer and you'll get to see for yourself. Sending you some strong thoughts to get you through the next couple of hours. I hope your H is supportive in all this, you're allowed to lean on him.

Hope you're ok x

crunch thanks hon. It just knocked me a bit, think I was pretty sure that all the fears were just in my head but it's made me realise that they still can come true.
Also your comment about H is spot on (are you sure you're not me, or living in my head?! ) as have been feeling that maybe I shouldn't given how things are between us.
Maybe I need to start being a bit more selfish and taking what I need regardless of how things are/might end up.

Scarlotti of course you can lean on him at the moment. Take all the support you can! You may not get this until you get back now, but I have everything crossed for you and will look out for your post later on. Be as selfish as you need to be! That's an order! x

Moooooorning girls, just logged on to see how you were doing Crunch ?? I love hearing all about the run up to the labour when ever any of us girls are due.. Please do keep updating!

Was also seeing how Scarlotti got on at her scan today? I can honestly say it was such a relief to me at the 12 week scan (closer to 14 weeks actually) and i finally had a massive wave of relief and settled down a bit..

congrats on your scan Tamlin and congratulations on starting to tell people, it is a massive hurdle. Well done.

I am feeling a bit worried today - in Costa on Saturday I had a strange 10 second dizzy spell, then something sort of twinged in my back and i lost my footing and fell onto the cake counter,then this morning i leant down to put the plug into the bath and the same thing happened again - in Costa i thought it might have just been because i was a little dehydrated, but this morning it cant have been that.. Midwife is on holiday, do you think i should book to see the doc? Am i just worrying over nothing? Also I went off chicken in early pregnancy and then today it smelt SO nice so i had a tiny little bit and I am feeling very sick now..

xx

Hello ladies

Well, went to ultrasound and there was a little arm waving away at me and baby was jumping all over the place Sonographer said all looked well and dates are still the same so couldn't have asked for more really.

Relief hasn't quite hit me yet, to be honest a wave of tiredness has washed over me. Would hit the sack but have to take dc's to the dentist so will park my tiredness until later. I wonder if it's my body's way of letting go of all the angst.

Am pleased and now waiting for my brain and my feelings to connect!

ashleigh I'd be tempted to get it checked out, if nothing else to put your mind at rest.

Scarlotti that's brilliant news - have been waiting for your post. Let your brain catch up as and when it feels like it!

ashleigh could be anything from a rush of blood to the head to low blood sugar, but if you're worried I agree with scarlotti that GP wouldn't mind reassuring you at all.

Will keep updating

Short rant alert! Next door (holiday home, terraced) are putting up scaffolding! Argh! Why this week? Why? Am I going to have to compete with drilling while I swear my way through labour?

I'm hoping they're just painting it, with nice quiet soothing brush strokes

Rant over. As you were.

Scarlotti - that's fantastic news!

I think it does start to get easier from here. I'm 5 months now, and I can talk about the baby being born as a when instead of an if. Although I'm still more alert to the possibility of stuff going wrong than I was when I had DS.

YAY Scarlotti! I'm so pleased for you! It takes me a little while to absorb good scan news too - we get so practised at hanging on to our feelings, don't we... Usually takes 4-5 days before I can believe things are okay. Hope you get some lovely rest and a big smile creeps over your face really soon.

Ashleigh Can you ring the unit your midwife operates out of for advice? Hope it can be classified as "one of those things" but always good to check - and be gentle with yourself while it resolves.

Crunch I am enjoying your countdown, too, so please don't worry! By the way, how do you eat a Cream Egg? I like to gobble a large nugget of chocolate from the top, and then stick my tongue in.

Gentle very similar - I eat the top off (has to be top and not the bottom ), lick the edges to smooth them down and then lick out all the insides before eating the chocolate all in one go. Guaranteed grimaces from all around me and a big chocolate stained mouth

Ah, thanks ladies. There is a hint of a twitch at the corners of my mouth so am sure it's just a matter of time.
Feels so lovely to be able to come on and tell you all.
Went for lunch after, and all I could think was that it was a shame I couldn't update mn via my phone as it was you all I wanted to tell

Means so much to have your support - you're a fantastic bunch x

scarlotti great news about your scan. I don't think until we had the 20 week scan that I ever believed that this would happen. The worry went after that but has now returned as I am so conscious about being aware of the baby's movements. So I was "calm" between 20 and 36 weeks I guess. Now, am just waiting for labour to start so the next phase of worrying can begin with a new born!

crunch you still here girl? Sending labour vibes your way...although I need some here too! I think Scarlotti's advice was spot on.Just focus on you right now. Be selfish.

*ashleigh" have heard lots of stories v similar to yours at your stage. I think I had something similar myself about the 24 week mark. Just felt odd and light headed. It passed for me but maybe speak to your MW to be safe. At least get your BP checked?

scarlotti not so bad yourself Go on, give in, have a bloody good cry that turns into hysterical laughter - always a good way to go

ladyhelen yup you too? I know I'm only 2 days overdue and it will happen, but I don't want to go 10 days over again! I thought a girl might be more punctual than a boy, but no Wishing us both immediate and simultaneous labour!

Have just scoffed a bowl of raspberry ripple ice cream. Do you think it has the same effect as RL tea???!

Definitely - as (obscurely) do cornetto icecreams (been averaging one a day for the past week )

Scarlotti, I'm SO pleased. I've just shamefully stowed ds in front of the Muppets (John Denver, in case anyone was wondering!) and raced to the computer to see how it went.

Crunch, I eat Cadbury cream eggs in exactly the same way. My dh says it's not nice to watch!

I eat creme eggs like that too. Although the other day I was using the handle of a teaspoon to scoop out the middle - DH said I was weird...

(I want raspberry ripple icecream now.)

We should start a creme egg club