Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VIII - Knicker Checkers and Pad Patrollers welcome

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Is that ok?

sydney congrats - I have been reading but not posting much but was thinking of your scan!

Scotlass ooh ooh ooh you are next!!! Can you believe it that we are here?? V excited fo you...

tsom lovely to see you!! And wheely too!!

Still anxious that dd won't accept bottle at the mo even tho she has been doing since 4 weeks - and sis is having her for the day (the day!! the whole blimmin day!! 9 til 6!!!) on fri... Have tried faster flow teats as we realised she ewas on the up to 1 month ones...don't know what to do as I REALY want/need the time off it gives me when dh does the feed. Expressing is a godsend.

Should i just let my sis keep her and keep trying on fri even if she won't take it? Sis says she will do this but if dd is really distressed then should I tell her to bring her back? Is it cruel to say she will take it if she is hungry enough?

Can I just say too to you first timers like me - don't be stressed if you don't feel a major love thing from the very beginning. I am realising now that I had expected this and didn't get it and had very mixed feelings connectd to pregnancy following misc - feeling that I should have been more 'grateful' for her than I was cos of the previous experience. And the first weeks were so tough I found myself imagining a life where I had not suceeeded, and I was almost jealous of that person who was not going thru the sleeplessness and anxiety and everything else that come with a small baby.

I was really worried about PND and panicked that I had it...on reflection now I think I was just knackered and normal and its such a shock to the system, and I do love her but its a growing thing not an automatic thing. But I felt guilty cos of the mmc. Anyway - just something to bear in mind when you pop, hang in there cos it gets better!

sydneysuze huge congratulations on your scan

dan is it when you give her the bottle she won't accept it? Or when you're in the room/vicinity? It's quite normal for that to happen - who wants a bottle when the real deal is nearby! They can smell your milk.
It's not cruel to think she'll take it if she's hungry enough and she certainly won't starve in a day - but then I am expecting no. 3 so this one will be lucky if it gets changed out of the night time babygro if it's still clean

I've just put some piccies on my profile if anyone wants a peep...

grinning lovely lovely pics and thank you for sharing the birthing story, wow, well done you

Sydneysuze Congratulations on your brilliant scan, I am very happy for you.

Sorry i havent been on for a bit, i have been so busy at work and feel pants that I cant reply a little bit better now.

Lola how's the baby's movements coming along? You fluttering away??

Hope everyone is okay, I am sorry again for this being a big fat pants post.

xx

Lovely pics bee

dan that's all good advice - it's true that it can be so overwhelming and bonding can happen instantly or over a few weeks and both are normal.

You can't underestimate just how tired and emotional you will be in the first few weeks - and that's true of everyone - it can be hard not to feel like you're the only one who has doubts.

If dd has been accepting a bottle and so it's not a case of not knowing what to do, just that she prefers the real deal, then I'd let your sis have a go. If she really, really won't feed at all then you can always come back early.

Hello ashleigh

I am writing a monologue to my gusset. It starts 'Out, damned spot!'

Oh Tamlin how are you doing? How many weeks are you now?

Congrats to Daisy & Grinning bee.

still here. Been reading but not had much time to post.

Hi everyone, thought I'd better post to say still here and waiting impatiently. Been really uncomfortable the last couple of days (back ache / bump ache mainly) and DH finally got the bouncy ball thing down from the attic last night so have been trying that out. Have a cervical sweep appointment next Friday when I'll be 40+3 wks but would really like to pop in the next couple of days. We went a walk at Loch Lomond on Tuesday but still hasn't kicked labour off. I know I'm not officially due till Tuesday but am absoulutely worn out with all this worrying now and can't seem to get rid of the 'it'll all go wrong feeling'. Need to shake myself out of it and just not think too deeply about it all.

sydneysuze that's fantastic news about your scan, I was thinking about you.

grinningbee fab pictures, she's gorgeous!!

dan wise words. I think I'm still bonding with DD and she's nearly 10! i put it down to her being poorly at birth but I think having a new baby is a shock to anyones system and sleep deprivation is torture so the love doesn't always shine through in the early days. If I were you I'd leave your DD with your sister and the bottle and even if she's a pain and messes about if she's hungry she's take it - did you get other teats? Sometimes they cry cos they're frustrated it's not coming quick enough. If you're not around she's not much choice but to have it.

Ooooh Scotslass I hope labour comes quick for you. The waiting around bit at the end is miserable!

dan I had a major crying session the other morning. I think it was hormones/tiredness/shock and maybe also a bit because life has changed sooooo dramatically. You know it will, but the reality is so different to what you think it will be. Well, it has been to me anyway! Is it selfish to be a little sad to have lost my old life? I wouldn't change anything mind you. Well, maybe add a little more sleep into the mix...

I don't think dh quite understands how I feel as he can go out everyday, and seems to be able to sleep through the night time crying/feeding/wriggling Can't complain though seeing as he cooks the dinner

grinningbee I think what you're going through is perfectly natural. It's overwhelming at times how much different life with babies is, and certainly nothing wrong in mourning the loss of the old life imo. Doesn't mean you want it back, just that it was a good chapter that has now closed. The first few pages of the new chapter (post dc's) is a tough read for us all but gets better with every page from that point on

I think the guys do get it easier too as for them, some normality remains with going to work etc.

Hi all, again... Scotlass sorry to see you're becoming increasingly impatient, hope your little one comes soon! will keep my fingers crossed its in the next few days and we have another birthing story to read...

Hi Crunchie how are things going at home now? i havent had a chance to read through everything but I hope you're doing okay.

Tamlin is everything okay??

Well I am all emotional and moody today and feel like swatting DP around the head... we're due to be out of our flat next weekend and moving in with DPs mum until our house purchase FINALLY comes through! Well.. I am phoning people every day about mortgage agreement/contracts/sofas & all other bits for the house while DP uses the excuse "well mobiles arent allowed on site etc etc" For him to MOAN and GROAN about 'how increasingly impatient and fed up he is getting about nothing happening and can I just chase this and that' UM Yes i am doing so whilst i have to try and get my job in complete hand over order for when i go on Mat leave!! Not only that but he buggered off to champions league game last night and informed me when he got back that he was going to the Man U away game in two weeks time (when we'll be living at his mothers). Now I am very gratefull that DPs Mum can put us up for X amount of weeks, but, she smokes around 40 cigs a day in the house.. refuses to refrain from doing so while i am around (i dont ask but DP has mentioned it to her before).. now i am going to be stuck in DPs childhood room on my own trying to get away from the smoking etc watching TV on my own while DP is off galavanting in Manchester etc... I dont know what i am getting at here but i just feel like i am doing everything on my todd.. I would stay with my own mum but she has downsized to a lovely 1 bed flat as she has no need for all the space. Siiigh i am just feeling competely fed up.. no moving date in sight, i am going to be working and living with DPs mum (think i forgot to mention that i work with her) whilst trying to look after my ever growing bump and just feel like having a big fat shout at DP and telling him to effing well get on the phone to all these people and sort us out!

Have just realised how OTT i sound about all of this.. apologies and sorry if i sound like i am being a big ungrateful mare in it all.

hmmm I do feel strangely better not though

Hope everyone else is okay! xx

dan39 That's such good advice! I felt like a terrible mother at first, visitors would say "look at that little face, it makes it all worthwhile" and I'd just think yeah right. I remember falling in love with DD - she was 8 weeks old, and suddenly my heart just opened up. I remember exactly when & where. This does happen for many parents at birth, but for us, we were just numb and knackered for the first two months. I did end up with PND, but probably unrelated - who really knows where that comes from.

ashleighbee That sounds completely justified to me! There are so many little niggly jobs to do with moving house, it's bloody hard work, especially when you're on someone else's turf. Hang in there, it WILL happen!

scotlass Waiting is so good at bringing on ruminations about things going wrong, isn't it? You hang in there too.

Tamlin Poor you. I did LOL at the thought of Lady MacBeth in the loo though. Screw your courage to the sticking place!

Oh and as for me, I have spent the entire day in my pyjamas, napping in bed, watching a film, reading books and smelling a bit. It's been ace. I'm going to have a nice (not too) hot bath in a minute and get myself all spruced up ready to... go back to bed again.

Gentle you just made me cry! I had exactly the same experience, people asked how things were, me saying I was knackered, and them replying but its all worth it!' and thinking then feeling guilty!! I think I lover her now but i the first weks I was convinced we had made a terrible mistake...
grinning gorgeous! Partic the daddy pic. You too are right and I think mourning is a good way to put it - I had no idea it would be like it was and tbh even now when I see people who are pg with their first I want to go up to them and say 'are you sure you have thought this through??'
scotlass ooh am all excited!! Also it was the flow - we changed to faster teats (no one told me they were different, I feel like such a novice at all this i tell you - and she woofed it down in fact bloody helpful dh gave her most of the blimmin supplies intended for sis last night! So I have been expressing like buggery today.
And she is so lovely now, I DO think it was worth it. It took til the last ten days or so, but I do feel a warmth inside when I think of her or hold her, and find myself doing that slghtly mad sniffing them thing that you see people do Now, her smiles and noises are priceless...I do lots of training for foster carers and potential adopters and we talk about how this is a two way thing, that babies smile at us to make us love them too, and it now makes perfect sense to me!

rubbish proof reading sorry

rubbish proof reading sorry

dan lol at the teat flow - I didn't know with ds and he was my 2nd dc

I love babies smell, can't get enough! I also used to love running my babies soft hands over my lips, a bit like a child with a blanky. I still do it now if ds will let me - he's 3 so it's a rarity these days!

dan39 I hope it was helpful to have a cry. I thought there was something wrong with me, too. Thinking about it, it takes me a while to fall in love or make friends with adults, too, so why should one of my biggest relationships be any different eh?

A friend of mine who is a child protection officer always says that new babies learn to smile "just in time!" I think the trick is not to impose this tyranny of expectation on yourself. Humour helped me and DD out a lot in the early days too. Laughing at the funny/smelly things she did paved the way for opening my heart to her. Opening your heart to someone always takes a bit of courage, I think.

scotlass you still here too? MW popping around this morning, still getting lots of BH contractions, but no movement I shouldn't be surprised, it'll more than likely be late, but I'm still

On the plus side bump is now half the size as she seems to have nose dived into my pelvis. I feel sooo much more comfortable! (DS2 didn't descend until labour and it was painful by the end)

I'm definitely in pre-labour, keep spacing out and staring off into the distance. I've got that lovely "detached" feeling, which is helping keep H and his dramas at arms length. I had a bit of a one-sided conversation with him last night where I very calmly (and I mean ridiculously calmly) stated that this baby was not the magic cure for everything and that her birth would herald a new era, but not a solution to any of his problems, and that if he wanted to get better he was still the only one with the tools to do so.

So glad I did say it all. I also told him that I was no longer afraid of doing this alone and although I still want this to work fear is not what is driving me anymore.

I feel all daftly mother-earthy and powerful

Oh dear oh dear

sydney yay great scan news

dan hope you enjoy your day off, I felt a bit desperate with ds1 at this stage - he was always hungry and I felt that I would have a small infant attached to my boobs forever. Of course nothing lasts and once they reached the 'mummy play/paint/do craft with us' stage I actually looked back wistfully on the sitting on the sofa watching daytime tv and bf stage. These days I would be pleased just to be able to bf without reading to/ shouting at/ brushing teeth of ds1 and 2 at the same time. Glad school starts again on monday.

wrt bonding I think after the initial baby euphoria wears off the early weeks are relentless. Thought we had a few smiles yday but maybe it was still wind, really they are like little jellyheads, a bundle of needs, until they interact a bit more.

scotlass and crunch you're on the home stretch now girls, keep us posted

Morning all

dan did you get sorted with extra expressing for today? Are you laying there now enjoying the peace and quiet and being able to doze off uninterrupted?!

crunch am so proud of you. Well done for telling (d)h what you did. You're right, you can do it alone if needs be, and he needs to know that. He needs to understand that efforts on your part to make it work are the result of wanting it to work, not because you can't be alone. Big difference.

scotlass hope you're not too frustrated at the wait. It's seems interminable at the end but hang in there and enjoy the peace while it's there!

Am looking forward to hearing the news of the new arrivals, and especially of any home births that might be on the way. It's still something I would consider although dh says a definite no. Time will tell.

tsom it's interesting to hear your experiences with baby no.3 as that's what this will be for me. dd is 14 though so hopefully will be more helpful than demanding to be read to, however I can just imagine being huffed at as I'm bf the new one just when she wants a lift to a party!! Do you find yourself less absorbed with this one as it's no 3? I guess the luxury of sitting there gazing at them goes once you have other little ones around...

scotlass and crunch thinking of ya!! crunch love the earth mother bit, you go girl!!

She is gone and I feel weird - partly worried; partly guilty; and partly that not enough time to do everything I want!! Oh and partly faintly annoyed with leaky hard bloody boobs which I need to go pump...

dan guilt? worry? not enough time in the day? physical pain? You're a full blown mum!

MW been and gone, baby is now 3/5 descended, so lower than last week, and all is go for my home water birth Just need to get the never-ending pile of washing done before labour sets in.

scarlotti I'm really glad I did. I know he is banking on everything being magically fixed the second baby arrives and although it might bond us it's going to cause more problems than it solves. He seems to have forgotten the tears and the hormones and the sleeplessness and the guilt and the work and the pain - either that or he thinks they're conducive to conflict resolution