Pregnancy After Miscarriage Part VIII - Knicker Checkers and Pad Patrollers welcome

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Is that ok?

I'm back! Still with bump, no caravan birth for me tho' there was a couple of moments in the swimming pool when my cervix appeared to be getting trampolined on . Am onto the 2nd lot of washing so can only post quickly just now.

First, so sorry to hear that tattifer and jasmaxxy have had to go through the hell that is mc + erpc. Am thinking of you both and hoping you're being kind to yourself, really hope to see you back soon with a happier ending.

Second, hurrah 2 new baby girls - well done daisy and grinningbee. Beautiful names and an inspiration to us all. You made me cry Daisy, it was the bit about hanging around till bumps delivered safely, that's the thing about this thread you are so desperate for everyone to have an uneventful journey and come to the bit where we have the bum in hand / sleeping on chest bit.
It's great to see the graduees back too (Bunny, tsom, wheely - waves

jasmaxxy no reason why you should in all honesty if it weren't for this little one changing my priorities somewhat I would probably still be taking all the blame for everything, just hiding from his outbursts and letting him behave however he wanted I completely empathise with the bit about not being able to handle it when I can't cope! Funnily enough drama always seems to be created at the moment that I need support. He's coming round later and we're going to talk. Life is sooooo much calmer and more stable without him here, sad as that is to admit.

scotlass welcome back The race is on! I think I had a show yesterday and have had some quite serious BH contractions today. Which probably means I only have 4 weeks to wait Knowing my track record. MW reckons I'm looking at something closer to 8 pounds (rather than hefty ds2's 9lbs 4oz) so that's a relief

Hello all - I am rubbish at this these days, I do miss you all but I just can't get the keybosrd time cos of my darling lo!! I have an iphone (ooh get me)but its rubbish for some sites...

tattifer I am so sorry for your news, look after yourself and come back soon - you have made me chuckle loads. But wall.ow if you need to - hugs to you

Rose is now 2 months old - must post a pic - and she is lovely but all encompassing! Hats off again to you nutters brave souls who have more than one??

WELL DONE DAISY she is gorgeous, great name too and you look fab! And you put me to shame with your posting so soon!! And grinning too - I can't find details but well done you too!!

Scotlass glad to hear you didn't pop in a caravan but it would have made a good story! Not long now eh....!!

I am just getting to the okay stage with bf, few hiccups along the way - mn always a help! My nct people are all one by one going over to the formula camp - and to be honest I would have done a few weeks ago had I had a reason/excuse to, but I am now glad I didn't - tho as soimeone on here said, for the most natural thing in the worls it IS a pain in the arse at times! Rose happy to take ebm from a bottle from daddy which is great as I can have a kip in the evenings...

And she is sleeping better most of the time - waking and eating in a fairly efficient maner which means we both get back to sleep again...probably jinxing tonight by saying so!

Have mamnaged to cook a curry tonight, made dh take her to the offie with him in the pram (bad parents eh) and am looking forward to eating it - so off to respond to the increasing crying from my dear child now with my boob in the hope that she will sleep thru my dinner slot -

Love to all of you xxx

dan - so useful and reassuring to hear about your experience bf. We are doing OK - Maya has a great appetite and latches pretty well - but it's still fairly uncomfortable, and although I know (and have been told) that her latch is good, I keep reading everywhere that it won't hurt if the latch is correct - how can that be when they have such bloody sharp gums...? And I feel bad resenting it slightly, although it is satisfying when she is contented after a feed. I'm looking forward to being able to combine bf with bottle feeding her ebm around the end of the month (apparently you need to wait 3-4 weeks so they don't get nipple confusion) and DH is keen to be able to share in the feeding duties, too, so I'm hoping it'll work out.

Can you tell me what your routine is for expressing? I know a bit about supply and demand, but I just wondered how you figure out how much to express and when to do it. My antenatal class are all meeting up next week, and Maya was the last baby, so I'm looking forward to getting the benefit of their wisdom on the subject too.

scotlass, crunchie and anyone else close to popping - thinking of you.

xx

daisy I find expressing in themorning produces more for me - just fed her on right boob and then 20 mins later expressed left one, hand pump, got 3 oz in 20 mins - in the evening its more like half that. When I feed her next i will use same boob I expressed from as I have been told baby always getsmore out than expressing does - if she isn't satisfied will offer other one too but she generally is...

I had no idea how much to start with and I suspect all babies differ, but I will decant the 3 oz into three bags of an oz each cos at first I was doing the whole 3 (sometimes 4) and she didn't take it and its heartbreaking to throw away!! It is easy to defrost and heat, dh gives for the feed at 8 - 9ish in the evening. This one I have just done I will sometimes leave half in bottle and bag the other half, then dh gives straight from bottle. She has about an oz - if she wanted more he would just get another bag out.

My sis (who bottle fed hers) showed him the first (successful) time as its not necessarily a natural easy thing to do? The first bottle went everywhere bless him - so don't be afraid to ask for help tho not you if poss - I make sure I leave the room but not everyone does, my friend expresses to give in public as she is uncomfortable with that.

Having said that she has got fussy in the last three days and isn't taking it so we are trying to eliminate the variables to see why at the mo - I NEED this time off!!

Started at 4 weeks on midwife's advice she did suggest a slanty cup but given the preciousness of it I didn't want dh and dd thrwing it all over so bottle seemed safest! And has mostly been fine.

Good luck with it and happy easter everyone!!

Fab, thanks, dan - hope you manage to figure out soon why she's getting fussy.

daisy - we've just started introducing a bottle to dd2 at 4 weeks. We're doing Formula because I bought a pump to express and started yesterday morning. Firstly I remembered how depressing I found expressing (don't know why - but I expressed for 7 weeks with dd1 as she wouldn't breastfeed at all and hated every moment of it) so have decided to pump only when I want a bottle extra to the one of formula if that makes sense - i.e. if I go out for the evening (I wrote day then - think that was maybe wishful thinking ) which won't be much. Also, I am going to get my hair done in a week or so (coloured etc) and so might be useful to take some ebm so I'm not wrestling with attaching dd under the gown !

Also dd2 is v. greedy I think and yesterday I fed her for ages, then expressed, then fed her straight away again then needed a shower and she was yelling for more so dh ended up feeding her the bottle I'd just expressed (over 2 ounces) so not really sure when I'll get the time to express whilst dd2 is a constant feedathon.

Finally, dd1 was almost solely formula fed ( I did express for 7 weeks but it was never her sole source of food even at the peak expressing time !) and is healthy as an ox which may just be luck but means I don't feel too worried about 1 bottle of formula a day.

God what a waffle about feeding ! Sorry for boring everyone.

Dan - waves - lovely to see you. Can't believe Rose is 2 months old but then I can't believe Lara is 1 month old today !!

Am going to keep making sure I check in to keep tabs on all you due very soon. V. exciting !!

prettyfly how are you getting on?

Goodness it?s quiet on here at the moment, is everyone too busy stuffing themselves with Easter eggs? . Hope everyones hanging in there. Prettyfly - how?s things?

It?s great to see dan, wheely and daisy, I?m glad you?re all doing well and surviving the feeding marathons of the early stages. Keep going girls you?re doing great. I used an avent hand pump with DD but I?m planning on treating myself to a mendela electric one this time. I have to be honest I only really expressed occassionally as DH was away for 6mths thanks to the British army when DD was 10wks so I figured seeing as it was me feeding anyway I?d just use my boobs. This time however I plan to start expressing after 4wks and build up a stock then try giving it from 6wks. Some thoughts for you ? take them or leave them , night feeds are really important in the early stages due to the higher levels of prolactin which stimulates milk production so hold onto that thought when establishing milk supply in the early stages, they?re murder but so important. Also some people find expressing from the other side when feeding produces good results ? can be very fiddly though, I used to use the collection shells and get about a fair bit in it when I fed DD.

Anyway, thought I?d tidy up the list seeing as we?ve had graduees.

GUSSET PATROL GRADUATES
Cricri - 1st November - GIRL- Elise Vivienne
LackaDAISYcal - 6th November - BOY - Finlay
barbareebaa - 24th November -BOY - William
Jackstini - 10th December ? BOY- Harvey
KD73 - 20th December - BOY - Aidan George
downbutnotout ? 3rd February BOY
dan39 ? 10th February GIRL - Rose
winemakesmummyclever - 17 February - BOY - Isaac Alexander
Bunnyinheadlights - 23 February - GIRL - Carys
Wheelybug - 12th March - GIRL - Lara Florence
TSOM - 17th March - BOY - Seth
Grinningbee ? 4th April ? GIRL ?Amy Florence
Daisy J ? 1st April ? GIRL ? Maya Celine

CURRENT CONCEIVED-AIR PASSENGERS

Scotlass - 21st April
Swaliswan - 25th April
Youknownothingofthecrunch - 25th April
Aquababe - 1st May
Ladyhelen2 - 3rd May
LoobyLou36 - 3rd May
Ses - 10th May
SparkyMalarky - 15th May
divedaisy - 7th May (also 12th, 17th or 19th!!!)
cece - 18th May
joyfuleyes - 29th May
herbaceous - 28 June
Mumface - 11th July
nattythomasandellen - 16th July
Ashleighbeee - 23rd/25th August
blogqueen - 31st August

OMG, I?m next how on earth has that happened . Am convinced this baby is not for coming out anytime soon though so think crunchie, aquababe, ladyhelen and loobylou will all beat me.

I have been really teary this last couple of days. Am absolutely sh*ing myself about the birth, post birth and something going wrong. Please reassure me it?s hormones. I drove about an hour to have a day out with DH and DD today and we had to come home cos I?d convinced myself I?d left the iron on. (I hadn?t) I then spent about 10 mins crying cos I?d wasted our day out. Surely I should be excited / relaxed to get to 39wks and not a nervous wreck?

scotlass very impressive post there!

Yes a couple of days of tears at 39 weeks is completely normal! You'll probably remember this from waiting for your DD, but then again maybe not as we do tend to forget so much of what happens once it's over (if that makes sense).

Sh*tting yourself is also allowed. The next couple of weeks are going to be important, there's no getting away from that, but remember that a maximum of 3 weeks from today you won't even remember what you were worried about because it will have become a whole new chapter of you & your family's story, one that you know very well and managed to cope with very nicely.

Hi ladies, haven't really posted since i joined the thread but i have been lurking alot. I'm feeling a bit this morning. Yesterday i was feeling really positive. I felt awful! really sick, trapped wind, indigestion, constipation (nice!!)all good signs i thought. Today i wake up and all my symptoms have gone. No nausea, tummy is fine, no sore boobs. Realised ive felt no stretching sensations for a couple of days now. Doesn't look good really does it. Last time, although i didn't miscarry until almost 12 weeks it was this week that things started to go wrong as at 8 weeks i was only measuring 5+5 and im 5+1 today. Nothing i can do about it really. I'm not at docs till next monday as he's on holiday so will try to get an early scan then. Think i probably need to prepare myself again though.

fairywing It sounds like you are watching yourself like a hawk, it's so hard not to isn't it? Pregnancies have "growth spurts" too, you can have a few very eventful days and then a kind of day off while your body has a wee breather from all the changes. I really hope it's nothing more than that for you.

scotlass - oh the tears at 39 weeks! I was just the same - I think there must be some new surge of hormones towards the end. And it would be strange if you weren't feeling fearful. I found as soon as the early contractions started all the fears fell away and I just got swept up in things for the next 48 hours - I'm sure it'll be the same for you.

Thanks so much for the bf advice, too, and to wheely.

Oh fairywing - hang in there. It's been said on here dozens of times, but I'll say it again in the hope that it helps: symptoms are so fickle. I remember that mine went after a day of feeling crampy at just the same stage you're at, and the result of that pregnancy is currently contemplating whether to scream for a feed or not!

tattifer and jasmaxxy so sad to hear your news, take care of yourselves, we are all thinking of you

daisyj and grinningbee many congratulations on the birth of your baby girl bubbas. love the photos, if only I could organize myself to post some

scotlass sounds like late pregnancy hormonal symptoms to me - I couldn't find my car keys o the morning of my c/s - my notes including signed consent form were locked inside, dh doing his nut, due at hospital for 7.30am. Planned poignant parting words to ds1 and 2 forgotten (replaced by 'would you be quiet, I can't find my b***y keys). BP 140/100 by the time we got to hospital. DH found my keys 3 days later - in the bathroom bin, next shelf down from key rack where I had intended to post them. Doh. Can't even remember whether I had already related this tale??

Good luck to everyone bf - it seems more easily established each time, worth the struggle of the early weeks for the ease later on.

Hi everyone.

do you mind if I just pull up a chair at the back of the room and quietly sit with my head in the sand for a while ?

My first pregnancy ended in Nov in a terrifyingly sudden natural MC at 11+5 (day of my dating scan )and I ended up in A&E because of the extreme blood loss.

I'm now 4+1 with my second attempt. I just can't feel excited - I was convinced I was PG very early into the 2WW, but have had no symptoms post implantation at all other than absence of AF - was looking forward to growing a cleavage too !

I recognise some of the names in here - Fairywing from the MC forum - hope all will be OK with you this time and your symptoms come back to reassure.

Daisy - we were both on the same a/n thread I think (my edd was May 29th), so congratulations

Hi Jools lets hope we have more success this time round.

Appologies for the slightly irrational outburst I have had a nice relaxed soak in the bath and have since realised i have sore nipples again, am feeling a little nauseous after doing a bit of housework and just remembered the bizarrely inappropriate dream i had last night . Plus i just did another test and i know it means nothing really but the line is the strongest i have ever had - stronger that the control line even!! So perhaps i was a little hasty in thinking the worst. I have to stop doing that but its so much harder to think positively sometimes.

Thank-you for the kind words and in future i will try to take a bit of time out before jumping to any conclusions. Unless proven otherwise i will assume i am having a healthy pregnancy.

Fairywing - last time round, I can remember being awake at 2am and googling frantically because I was convinced my boobs weren't sore any more (and posting desolate messages on here ) By the next day, the pain was back !

Also, I found out after a couple of weeks of panic that the nausea never really took hold on days I worked from home - it was commuting that set it off ! this time, I intend writing quite a detailed diary that I can look back on whenever I start obsessing / panicking ...

Joolsiam and Fairywing, will keep everything crossed for you. Time just crawls by with agonising slowness at this point...

Well, on Thursday DS came down with a vomiting and diarrhea bug, and by Friday, was running a fever and refusing to budge from my lap (which made throwing up with morning sickness a bit of a feat). Since my FIL flew in from the US on Thursday evening to spend Easter weekend with his beloved only grandchild, it was awful timing on a number of levels - fortunately, DS was back on form by Saturday. Unfortunately, I spent Saturday vomiting uncontrollably every time I tried to sip any water, and then spent that night panicking about dehydration and the infection hurting the foetus somehow - panicking increased when I noticed that the wretched spotting was back... Think I'm now back to usual morning sickness misery, but feel completely knackered and washed-out. Have packed DH and DS off to Oxford to spend the day with my sister, can't face busy toddler today...

Honestly think that the worst thing about parenthood is the way that you never ever ever get to call in sick. Vomiting so hard you think your teeth may fall out? Crying desperately over your recent ERPC? Your toddler doesn't care, and would like you to chase him all over creation, please, and also, where is my dinner, woman? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT FUNNY CRYING AGAIN?

Just popped in for a bit of reassurance myself. Had a big family afternoon and everyone had a good long talk about how excited they are, imagining what the baby is going to look like and so on. I should have loved it, but instead I came home and cried my eyes out. I can only think that it's such an effort for me to hold all my hopes and fears together, I worry that everyone else is building their hopes up and getting attached and I want to tell them to be on their guard or something (I didn't, who wants to be the party pooper? Being Mrs Miscarriage can often feel like that for me). I have found some comfort in staying off the subject of babies and pregnancy since my mc, I guess it's hard to have it as number one subject for everyone again.

I'm 21 weeks and junior was kicking me in the bladder right through dinner so I know things are running as they should, but all the same I kept thinking that I'm getting so attahed to this baby now and putting myself in danger of a broekn heart again. Sorry to be maudlin.

Aw gentle I know exactly what you're feeling like. It's a version of trying to self preserve and it can be really hard to keep your feelings together. I found it really hard once other people other than close family knew - with close family and friends to be honest I used to change the subject and avoid any mention of the baby, so much so that my mum at about 30wks gave me a lecture that I was going to have to accept I was having a baby. I know it's hard but in a way it begins to help that theyr're being so positive and as mrs miscarraiges we daren't focus on more than today. You're at another massive milestone, less than half way to go so let the tears out and don't hold in those thoughts and fears on here - we totally understand. >

tamlin hoping you're feeling better

joolsiam and fairywing welcome and good wishes for a long and uneventful stay

Evening ladies

Just popping in to say a quick hello, been away for the weekend at my mum's which was lovely - very relaxing.
Had a slight bit of spotting while I was there, minimal and didn't carry on so all is still well. Was very unemotional about it though, so gentle know exactly where you're coming from. Am still very detached about it all. Hopefully the scan on the 27th might move me a small step forward.

Hope everyone else is doing well - fabulous news to the new graduates

Scarlotti, I have the nuchal scan on the 25th. Am holding off on buying any maternity kit until after that because it feels like jinxing it, even though I'm having to live in sweats because my jeans won't do up.

FIL wanted to buy us a double stroller while he was here, and I felt like a complete idiot saying no to his generous offer. It just felt as if it might jinx everything and tip us into that 2%, and then I'd be left with a gorgeous Phil and Ted and nothing to put in the back.

Hello everyone! Hope you all had a happy Easter.

I've had a nice relaxing weekend, mum came down for my Birthday on Saturday which meant that H was guaranteed to be on best behaviour and I didn't have to worry. Then I spent yesterday afternoon trying out the birth pool which was lovely and I just ended up wallowing for ages.

H is going from crisis to crisis and is still here, but I'm finding it easier to tune him out (which seems really mean, but is the only solution if he's going to be here at this stage).

Tamlin sounds like you had what I had last week - so I am full of sympathy for you. It was the first time I have ever been that ill in pregnancy, but I took comfort from a friend of mine who always gets something horrible when pregnant and it's never caused any problems. There is nothing at all wrong with saying to people "That would be lovely, but we're not buying anything like that until after the birth". People generally do understand.

scarlotti good to see you, it's tough because you feel you're being strange if you're too emotional and strange if you're detached, you can't win. I'm now 38+3 and baby is currently kicking me in the ribs, and I still don't believe that I'm going to be holding her in a couple of weeks.

Scotlass after loads of contractions and a possible show at the end of last week everything has slowed down to nothingness here! Barely a BH. So I still reckon you'll win (and tears are completely normal)

Breastfeeders funnily enough Wheely could be describing my experience with ds1! DS2 on the other hand dived straight in. It was agony for a week or two (and I got myself some nipple shields for the worst of it), but then it settled down and never hurt again. I know for some people the pain continues, but it seems like they are in the minority. I can't believe it's been 2 months for dan and a month for wheely and TSOM already!

Fairywing this is absolutely the place for irrational outbursts of worry! So feel free to share every single one without shame

Jools I think I let a tiny bit of excitement seep in at about week 20 - I didn't tell anyone except family until then either (not a conscious decision as such, it just never seemed the right time). It's very normal to view it all as "when" it goes wrong rather than "if" at first. Even when I saw evidence proving all was fine I would just say to myself "yes, it's fine at this moment, give it 5 mins". I think distancing myself from it all was a real survival mechanism and I just threw myself into work. Hope you're ok.

Gentle I banned everyone from any babytalk around me unless I had instigated it. It made my blood run cold to hear all the hopes and plans (still does a bit). It's tough balancing hope and fear

Tamlin I bought some of those body belt things the other day - they're basically strips of elastic that have a buttonhole on one end and then buttons along the elastic. You put the button of your jeans in the hole and then use one of the buttons on the elastic to do your jeans up. Jeans fit, no need to get maternity wear for any jinxing and no need to be in 'fat' trousers that are too baggy around the bum etc.!

Crunchie good to see you glad you enjoyed testing your water birth pool! Am hoping to have one myself this time - but at the hospital as (d)h won't entertain the notion of a home birth even though my labours are decreasing at a rate of 2 hours each time and the last one was 3 hours long Wanted one last time but ds had pooed inside (sorry tmi!) so I had to be monitored.

Sorry, about to be a bit self absorbed..
Am struggling with thoughts re my marriage at the moment. We've (I've?) been struggling with whether it's right or not for a while. We decided to go for another baby but things didn't improve. If I'm honest I think I got caught up in the bandwagon of ttc/babies. Now I find myself not knowing what to do. I don't think we'll last long term. Part of me wishes that I wasn't pg as then I could just leave, then I feel dreadful for feeling I don't want the baby .. but can't bond with it either at the moment because of the previous losses. I feel sad most of the time and trapped in a relationship that doesn't give either of us what we want. He's a good bloke though that loves ds and he'd hate to leave him. We're just not that compatible.

Not sure why I'm blurting all this out and sorry as it's the wrong thread really I know. Guess I just need to reach out a little. I feel that I've been irresponsible in getting pg when the writing was probably on the wall. Speaking to my Mum this weekend though was an eye opener as she felt I should think about leaving - maybe having someone validate my issues isn't a good thing.

Sorry to dump on the thread - very much hoping all you lovely ladies are having a much better time of it at the moment

Scarlotti feel free to talk about anything here - there are no rules. It could well be that in the long term your relationship with your H is not going to last (just as it could be for me too). It is so easy to let TTC distract you from all other issues and make other things seem unimportant. The only problem with that is when you succeed all the other issues are still there.

You mustn't feel guilty for finding it hard to bond with baby or for feeling trapped by the situation. Because the truth is that you are not trapped. Baby wants loving, happy parents in whatever situation and that does not mean you have to be together if it is not right.

There is no pressure on you to make a decision now. I'm having "crappy memory syndrome" and can't remember if you've spoken to your GP about possible antenatal depression. If you haven't then do, they are there to help you gt it all straight in your head. You sound very unhappy. It's great that your mum is completely on your side.

Have you spoken to your H about these feelings or does he just shrug them off?

You can maintain a healthy EX-relationship for the sake of your dcs if you both want to. There is no reason they would need to suffer if you both put their needs first and keep it amicable.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I'm still waiting for my magic wand to appear to make everything right (when it does I'll send it your way).

Just remember there's no hurry to do anything, you do have a choice in this situation and no child would ever want their mother to sacrifice herself in a loveless marriage - choosing to be unhappy forever is never the right choice - but remember that you're still in a time of flux and huge emotional upheaval (not always the best time to make longterm decisions).

Sorry about the long ramble I don't make much sense these days x