how hard is it to be a parent?

[valentine5]

hi everyone,i have just found out im pregnant,inside i feel happy but my parnter has a child from a previous relationship and he doesent feel ready to be a parent again so im a little scared as i feel a little alone(i got caught when i was on antibiotics) he keeps telling me that being a parent is very hard work and takes over your life,is there any good things about being a parent or is it true what he says,as he wants me to get an abortion but i dont think i can do it.pleas help! xxxx

I had a termination when I was 17, it was the right thing to do at the time but I still feel all the 'what if's' a raw as if it were yesterday . Termination is not a 'quick fix'.

Whatever you decide, please think it through as thoroughly as you can and make the decision that is best for you, whether that is going ahead with this pregnancy or not.

It sounds to me like you want this baby, so I'll send you hearty congratulations again

ooh kama did you get as emotional as me writing that ...?

that brought real tears to my eyes almostanangel,i feel so scared and alone but when i see my friends with their children and how content they are it makes me realise it cant be all that bad because people just wouldent haver kids.i so want this to be a happy time xxxx

i have 3 girls the first i had at age 20 ,,its amazing even now i look at them and say ..to my self wow i made her,,it is bloody hard but i would feel lost without them ..you never need to feel alone their are mums on here that will see you though the whole pregnancy...have you seen a dr yet?

i have 3 girls the first i had at age 20 ,,its amazing even now i look at them and say ..to my self wow i made her,,it is bloody hard but i would feel lost without them ..you never need to feel alone their are mums on here that will see you though the whole pregnancy...have you seen a dr yet?

I think your partner is selfish, sorry. He's got his child, he doesn't want one like you do, how long is he going to make you wait for gods sake! This is your opportunity IMO . He might keep you waiting for ever. Children do change a relationship, but if he condiders a relationship "wrecked" by a baby, he's not worth your time.

Sorry, I know am blunt but I have seen a lot of my friends messed around by men like this. He probably knows that if you have that baby, he won't be your priority any more, the baby will.

For me personally, parenting is the HARDEST and most challenging thing i've ever done/doing. Sometimes i hate it and DD, but 60% of the time I love it.

i've not been in your situation, but i have been hesitant about having DD. she and this little one was a surprise and i was the one that thought we were not ready as a couple. But DH said that our relationship would not survive if i had an abortion. And he was right, i would have resented him and hated myself. But thats me personally and with hindsight, looking back.

The one thing thats always stuck in my mind about parenting/life is that you make decisions based on the here and now. You can't predict the future and you don't want to live your life on 'what ifs'...

Good luck & hope you're getting the support you need some mumsnet at least ...

yes i went to see the doctor and he says im due december the 2nd,he asked me if i was going ahead with the pregnacy and it felt so good to say "yes" ,know everything feels in limbo,coming on here has made things a little clearer it helps so much to talk.xxx

dont worry about being blunt colditz i feel angry with him sometimes to i feel like screaming at him,i keep saying to him i would understand where he was coming from if we were having a conversation about having children but its not just a conversation it here and its real and we just have to face up to our responsibilities xxx

loadsa love and big hugs keep us informed..sweetheart ,,im logging off now ..x

thankyou almostanangel most grateful xxxx

Congrats valentine5.

I must say I get as angry as Colditz on this matter.

My ds was not planned and at the time I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go ahead and have him but the way I saw it was - You never know what is going to happen in life, what if you decide not to go through with it and never get the chance again. Sorry to sound morbid but you just have to check out the conception board to see how fortune we are to be able to get pregnant in the first place.

Needless, to say I did go ahead and had a gorgeous baby boy who is now 14mnths, and no matter how hard parenting is, each night when i go to sleep i have a smile on my face and can only remember the best bits of the day. Never knew i had so much love in me and that I was such an unselfish person. Now I am 9 weeks pregnant with no 2.

Also even when dp/dhs want the baby, we never know for sure that one day (be in months, years, decades) we won't land up being single moms like millions other women.

Valentine5, do want you think is best for YOU. I think motherhood is the best thing I have ever done.

I hope I haven't offended anyone.

Hi valentine. It's bloody hard work but incredibly worth it I think. Do what you want to do.

hi cads,i agree with what you say i keep thinking if i had an abortion and in the future when we want to plan a child i have problems i would be gutted he is already a parent so he has the need of being a father already fufilled. xx

I hope he does come round to the idea, trust your instincts. You need to chat with close family or friends who knows you and your situation. A good friend will not judge you no matter what you decide.

Valentine firstly a big CONGRATULATIONS

Personally by the way you are talking it comes across as you really want to have this baby! Dont get rid of YOUR baby because he is being selfish! Being a mother is the most wonderful thing you could ever be in life! Its extremlly challenging but well well worth it! My ds is 2.7 and i am only 23 ! I have been with him literally 24/7 since day 1 and yes there have been times when i have wanted to scream or just have some sleep! but let me tell you my ds started playschool today and after being with him for the past 2 and a half yrs every day i could not wait for him to start playschool (well thats what i was telling everyone) but when i dropped him off and came home i missed him like hell i even had tears! He is my life and i would not change anything!

Think about what u want and how you are gonna feel in the future if you do abort! Many regret it ! Be strong and do what u want to do your baby is special

i will try my best ive got a lot of thimking to do,i do want this baby but ive got to look at the bigger picture and whats best for my partner aswell xx

Lots of hugs. I hope whatever you decide is the best thing for both of you.

thanks happymumofone,im 23 too and i do feel ready to have a child but ive always wanted a pregnacy that both you and your partner want,it hurts so much when you are happy but your partner isnt,do you have any regrets? whats it like financially xx

Do what u feel is best for you be strong and keep ur chin up

Valentine i was 19 when i fell pregnant and 20 when i had my ds! I have absolutly no regrets my ds is my whole life and he has changed my life for the better! I wont say i have not stuggled cause i have i think everyone does! Motherhood is hard and very very rewarding! I had the sleepless nites and i am now having the tantrums but to wake up and look at my ds in his cot was the most amazing thing ever! I say the same now to have my ds get out of bed and come in to my room and say hello mummy i love you makes me smile from the min i wake up!
I love it that much that i a trying for my second now its not proved easy so far as i had a mc in november but i still have my fingers crossed that hopefully this yr i will be pregnant!
If you ever want someone to talk to you can CAT me i will always listen and try and help.
Goodluck

thanks happymumofone,you sound like a great mum i feel like going to my partner and telling him its here now and he will have to deal with it but i feel i sound really selfish saying that.but then again he is doing it to me by saying he wants an abortion,so i might just do whats best for me amd my baby and thats go ahead and bring life into the world and love it with all my heart xxx

Valentine i think you have to sit down and think how you would feel if you did get rid of your baby! You will probably hate your partner for suggesting it and you will hold it against him cause i know i would.
At the same time i can understand how u are feeling as he is not supporting you and to be honest in a situation like this you need support.

dont get rid of your baby if you really dont want to do what u feel will be best for you and that baby.

The first time you see your baby at the scan it really hits home, its a life and you will instantly fall in love!