Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

OK I'm PISSED OFF, but need to know if I'm being unreasonable. How much time will your DH take off after the birth?

78 replies

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:06

Because DH has just informed me that my due date clashes with one of his colleague's holidays, and that both of them can't be absent at the same time.

I'm fuming....I was SOOO knackered and fanjinally injured after the births of DD and DS, and it's going to be even harder this time round as I'll have TWO pre-schoolers to look after as well as the newborn.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Dropdeadfred · 11/02/2009 16:08

when did your dh inform his work of your due date?
i thought he was entitled to two weeks paternity?

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 11/02/2009 16:08

DH took two weeks paternity leave and a weeks holiday.

When she was a bit older he took another week.

Immediately after the birth. I thought you were entitled to take PL when you wanted so long as you gave sufficent notice?

Merryoncemore · 11/02/2009 16:08

I'm not surprised you're pissed off, not unreasonable at all. How long after the due date can he take his paternity and is there any other help locally for you in those first couple of weeks?

Original poster

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:09

I'm not due til September. I'm not sure if DH has even told his boss, or if he's just been talking to his colleague (he just sent me an email a couple of minutes ago telling me that there's a problem).

OP posts:

chaya5738 · 11/02/2009 16:10

My husband is only taking one week off as we need the money. He is giving his work about 4-5 months notice I think...

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2009 16:10

erm, your dh is legally entitled to take his paternity leave when you give birth I believe. look it up, but I am sure that's right.

this time round dp WILL be taking a full 2 weeks off from when I give birth because last 2 times he didn't and he has faced the wrath of the new mother twice now and will NOT do it again

psychomum5 · 11/02/2009 16:11

surely work cannot do this to him, from a legal standpoint??

that said, have you been ontime before?? maybe you will go over and it won;t matter anyway.

but.........paternity leave and holiday are two different things surely?

Original poster

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:11

Apparently he can take paternity leave up to 56 days after the birth. He seems to think it can be split, so he can take three (!! ) days off after the birth and then another 7 later on.

I have NO local help and can't afford a nanny.

OP posts:

2pt4kids · 11/02/2009 16:12

DH took a week off both times.

Theres no way your Dh's work can seriously say no to a paternity leave request because a colleague has a day off for his birthday on the same day

If it was my DH, I'd tell him not to be so dense and to send an email to his HR stating your due date and that he is giving as much notice as he is able to that he will be taking paternity leave starting from whenever the baby is born.

chaya5738 · 11/02/2009 16:13

It can't be split unfortunately - we already looked into that.

He is legally entitled to take the leave. It is completely irrelevant that his colleague is on holiday. It is the same as telling you that you can't give birth/take maternity leave while your colleague is on holiday. Ridiculous.

Dropdeadfred · 11/02/2009 16:13

how will you cope after the first two weeks?

LilRedWG · 11/02/2009 16:13

Here's some info for you - hth.

Original poster

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:13

Colleague is having a three week holiday (family in Pakistan).

OP posts:

Original poster

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:14

I know he's legally entitled to paternity leave, and so does he (but thanks for the links!), but he clearly doesn't want to ruffle any feathers (which I can kind of understand in this climate, and he's also in line for a much needed promotion).

OP posts:

buggylovinmummy · 11/02/2009 16:15

Paternity leave isnt the same as taking holiday so the company should still allow him the time off i would have thought.

My dp is self employed and had to go back to work 2 days after i came out of hospital after a c-section as we couldnt afford any more.It was tough but had to be done, also had a dd age 3.

ScummyMummy · 11/02/2009 16:16

Paternity leave is a statutory entitlement. Doesn't matter a jot what his colleagues are doing. He can take a 2 week block if he wants.

Original poster

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:16

Well I'm assuming I'll hopefully be fairly healed after two weeks, and will just get on with it. That's what most people do isn't it? I'm pissed off because three days is a fuck's sight different to two weeks.

OP posts:

Original poster

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:17

buggylovin - did you have any help at all?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2009 16:18

i can understand not wanting to ruffle feathers, just as much as I could understand my dp's not wanting to be off for 2 weeks as it would mean less money and lots of work when he got back.

but ateotd you need to think about YOU and how you will cope.
what does he do? my dp committed to working part-time from home while on pat leave (he actually ended up working all day but that's a whole other thread lol)... could your dh do something like that?

i do think that you have to have a really good think about what's best for you in the situation though. if you're really going to need him there then have him there... work will just have to make do

Original poster

SobranieCocktail · 11/02/2009 16:20

TIY - am going to suggest working from home. I think I can cope with that even if he spends a lot of time working. That said, he can't do everything from home.

Ooooh I'm seething.

OP posts:

Blu · 11/02/2009 16:22

How long is it since he has known you were pg? Ideally he should have raised this with his boss asap so that other hols didn't get booked!

I can see why you are pissed off....but if the birth is ages away, they can surely plan for his absense? They will have to if he insists on his rights!

crokky · 11/02/2009 16:22

SC - when I had DD (my 2nd), DH work were very awkward about paternity leave. DD arrived on a weekend (Sat) and I came home from hospital on the Sunday. He then didn't have any pat leave until an entire month had elapsed. Basically, I got my mum to help me a lot with DS when DD was born.

YANBU, but you would be OK if you could get some help from someone when the baby arrives and then DH could have his pat leave 2 or 3 weeks late.

OrmIrian · 11/02/2009 16:23

First time about a week. Second time about the same day. Third time 2 days tops - self-employed.

buggylovinmummy · 11/02/2009 16:23

Sobraine-no i didnt have any help but it was either get on with it or have no money to pay the mortgage, lucky for me my dd was quite a good girl and understood i couldnt get about much so would bring her toys to me and sit on the sofa and play and read books. I,ll be honest a lot of tv was watched in the first few weeks!!

How old are your other dc,s? Do you need a c-section?

Highlander · 11/02/2009 16:25

4 weeks - 2 weeks pat leave, 2 weeks holiday.

I had an elec CS both times so was able to book well in advance

Flip

1 2 3 4