TTC grads - the one where the old temp buddies come home to roost!!!!

[rainbowdays]

The old thread was getting impossibly slow on my computer, so decided that it was time to create a new one with hopefully Rah and Ready joining us, and with a whole new due date list.....

so MrsM, Momwi - come and start the list and hopefully Rah and Ready will come here now too!!!!!

I am so excited that the temp buddies are back together again, can you tell?!?!?!?

aww Ready - big hugs - you are good enough - but hate to break it to you I don't think anyone is ever really 100% ready for a newborn esp first time

10 weeks is massive - I remember being told that there are huge developmental things going on in little babies' bodies at 6 weeks and 10 weeks - def true for us - like building a house of cards and then having it all blown down so you have to start again.

will email you what I remember of typical day of Cassius at 10 weeks (if I can remember

Big big hugs
xxxxxx

Dearest Ready- stop reading those books and get yourself a nice trashy mag instead . Having a little one is really hard the first time round because there is no routine/structure to your day and so everything ends up about the baby. With DS2 most of his young life was spent being bundled up in and out of the car taking older siblings to school/ ballet/ football etc so there wasnt much time left to think about him! And actually I think this works a lot better (well it did for me). Have you gone to any baby groups? I think H is old enough if you fancied it. It's good to speak to other mums. I also found it really helpful to make sure I had little missions to do most days- so I didnt just stay at home. I was finishing my degree when DS1 was tiny so that kept me busy. (Not suggesting you do that though!)

Oh Ready - as the others have said no-one knows what they are doing at first and to be brutally honest I don't think any of us "old-time" mothers really think we know what we doing even now! I still fret about DD and her reading, sleeping, behaviour. Even earth mummy Honey has had times on here when she's worried about her DS (how is his behaviour now BTW, Honey?).

Please please please don't read all the parenting books - they WILL make you feel incompentent - it is easy to give advice, not so easy to follow it through. I had a little heated discussion even this morning with a very good friend of mine who used to be a nanny, who said that I should have been more firm with DD when she was a baby and putting her down to sleep, but I said I took it very slowly and each day small steps away from her cot. I stressed that if I left her to cry for any length of time she was sick and it just wasn't worth the hassle. My friend thought I was being ridiculous and that she'd worked with many families and it had always been fine. Now it is easy if they are not your babies and you can be a little bit more stand-offish from the whole situation. When it is your little baby there (particularly one so longed for, waited for and cherished as Hannah), it is entirely different. So like Honey, I ORDER you to leave those books behind.

She is also right in that you need to make sure you are forcing yourself out of the house and into similar adult company as many days as possible. Find baby groups, signing, swimming, music, even your local library should have some activities on. These groups are as much for the Mums as the babies and you will meet someone there who is having a worse time than you, believe me! Sounds heartless, but it makes me feel that I'm perhaps doing something right when you hear what some other poor parents are having to deal with. They will also be able to reassure you that what stages Hannah is going through - I really missed out having friends with same-aged babies as DD - I've found it so lovely this time around with Toby (and having found some parents with same-aged children as DD has also been enlightening!!!).

Right - talking of how rubbish I am as a mother, I need to get Toby to sleep (he's shattered and PILs arrive later for the weekend and the children always seem to misbehave when they are around. Not quite sure what possessed me to invite them while DH was away, but I can't cancel now!!!)

So Ready - trust your own instinct - what you are feeling is normal. What feels right for you is probably ok. Having said all this just watch yourself a bit though and if you still feel completely hopeless in a couple of weeks, please go and see your GP or HV, as post-natal depression can creep up on people. The sooner it is recognised the better.

Take care of yourself and enjoy cuddling Hannah lots!

(I really couldn't tell you what Toby was like at 10 weeks, but DD screamed from the moment she woke up til the moment she went upstairs for her bath or DH came home, whichever was earlier, unless feeding, or being walked around! It was awful - started about 9 weeks and continued until 17 weeks, when suddenly she slept all day non-stop and woke up smiling. She then didn't stop smiling until she was 4 years old and became very stroppy at times!!!)

Sorry that was a bit of an essay - hello everyone else.
xxx

hi ladies

ready - sorry to hear you are having a bad day, everything the others have said is totally true!

i have been contracting quite strongly since this morning after lots of niggles last night, nothing has progressed as yet....getting scared now though....

il update later x

Ready - No-one is ever 'Ready' for a new baby, I'm due my fourth as you know and i'm still panicking over if i will know what to do. I was very young when i had ds1, i was so scared of him, i had no clue how to a nappy even. But you do learn, but it takes time, lots of it. I still don't know what to do now and i have 3! H has had her colicky problems too and thats such a thing to cope with. Forget the books, forget 'routine', just remember yourself, and H will follow iyswim. You need some chocolate and some cheesy dvds. Don't push yourself, EVERY mother finds it hard, i promise.

Also, BF is hard, and the growth spurt times are so draining. Do you think this may a problem at the moment?

I made sure i went to a baby group too, just one time a week, even if i sat in the corner, it helped.

I'm sorry i can't really remember a 10 week 'routine', and i havent ever had a colicky baby, so im a bit useless there. But i do remember it feeling very much like living in a bubble.

And, no matter what, you are good enough. Miriam Stoppard has a guilty way with words, if its her you're reading! And GF - No Way. Go with the flow.

what fab advice on here

iam- ooh dont get worried! You'll be fine- now we want those contractions to pick up a bit... and I reckon about 10pm tonight you might be cuddling your new little man .

Come in out herbie!!!! Don't be scared iam. You've done it before. It will be ok.

Have to say I would rather be giving birth than waiting for my mil to arrive!!!

right- 10mins left for my prediction!

Ooh wonder if herbie has arrived. My pil have and it is actually quite nice to see them!!! Watching autumn watch! Probably would never watch it normally!

Xxx

Thanks girls. Funnily enough, H had a really good day yesterday, and we made real progress with the sleeping... she actually fell asleep in her PRAM, she has never done that, only ever been transferred to it when asleep on one of us! It took an hour of walking, but she did it!! Without a fuss too.
She's a catnapper though, which worries me, as I feel she must need a few longer sleeps for development. She wakes up grumpy too if she hasn't had longer. But it's one step at a time, only a week ago I was stranded on the sofa holding her while she slept after she had screamed at me PROGRESS.

What a difference a day makes.

I haven't been to baby group, the reason being is (and I realise this will sound snobby) but I see some of the women at clinic weigh ins, and I just know that they are not my type of people. - but I am very lucky in that I have 2 very good friends who have new babies - and recently got in touch with an old friend from school who has a baby a week older than H.

Oooh, wonder if Herbie is here yet?

Oh and Fettle, your 'friend' doesn't sound very supportive. I don't have a sick daughter and I can't stand to let H cry and cry.

Hello girls... I have been checking out messages but not on mumsnet as regularly!!

Chooster congratulations it is truly fab having 3 and I did expect the worst as my other two are so great together but they love their little brother and are brilliant to him!! You will be fine

Seaside good luck with the ttc again - hope it doesn't take too long and I think fettle is right, try temping for a couple of months..fingers crossed!

greedy hope the new premises are going well for you and lots of work to pay for it all!!!

rainbow sorry to see so much drama going on in your ttc - perhaps your month off will help your cause and you wont be waiting too long...

scorpio read about your DH issue - hope things will be okay and you get back on an even keel especially with another little one due soon...I think you sound very balanced and sensible so very best of luck!

iam hope your not waiting too long!!

Fettle not sure how you do it - all those weeks without your DH - as you say though small steps and it will pass quickly, I just spend my life by terms and half terms and unfortunately time flies by too fast

ready I do remember what the 10 weeks were like for my little one as it wasn't too long ago and actually he is 7 months tomorrow!! eek how did that happen... I wont discuss what he did as all children are different but what I will say though is from about 5/6 weeks (with all of mine) at about 7ish I put them down in their room to sleep and yes I did the control crying (and in the day but once night is cracked day is easy) as from experience with the first it takes 3/4 days, and all of mine have gone to bed day or night without a fuss. If they do make a fuss after couple of months start again and it will probably be the one night as they learn that its not happening and they may as well sleep! Also good sleeps in day = better sleep at night. It is not easy it is awful, but I personally think it has worked for all my three and its a few days of upset.. good luck ! Friends of mine think I should have been a doula as mine sleep and eat so well and often ask how did I do it..
Wow have gone on!
honey hope your nct course is going well, you must be a very positive person as all the nct people I know are all lovely lovely!!

lottie hope you are alright - so happy for you and you are having twin girls - wonderful... I would still love to have a girl but think three is enough and I would prob end up with 4 boys!!

Right I must get heading off to cost co to stock up on meat and soft drinks...
All is good though - 3 boys keeps me busy and I still work from home working for an after school club doing all his admin, so never a dull moment and luckily baby is a real sweetie and always smiling and laughing so that makes it easier..my eldest was crawling by 6.5 months so this one is following in my middle ones footsteps not rolling or trying to crawl until 11 months!! which I am quite pleased about - we are off on hols in 3 weeks so I am glad he is still sitting happily playing!!

Have lovely weekends...xxx

Minxi - so good to see you hear again, and to hear that you are enjoying your busy time with your 3 boys.

Ready - I remember good and bad times at about 10 weeks with ds1. I had post-natal depression, but did not recognise it at the time. I found the local breastfeeding support group a big help at the time, not so much for the feeding (although it was reassuring to have that help too), but more for the meeting of a bit more like-minded mums. I had days when I felt that I was just doing what was needed, and totally unconnected to the baby. It felt like someone-elses baby not my own at that point and I was worried about if I was doing things right. All I remember is the whole, focus on baby: sleep, feed, let play, feed, sleep, feed, let play..... endless cycle in the early weeks. This was despite being very experienced with looking after children, and having much younger brothers that I had cared for as babies while my mum was sick. So the crisis in confidence is not unusual at this stage, you have gone past the exciting 'baby-moon' period of being in awe with a new baby and into the everyday care time. So as the others have said, put down the baby-manuals and pick up something relaxing non-baby to read, and get out with H to somewhere you can sit and enjoy adult conversation! Also watch out for post-natal depression, it is easy to miss it as it often creeps up slowly, I wish I had realised what was happening to me at the time rather than realising what it was later. I hope that you have more good days than bad and that you can realise what a great job you are doing already with precious little H. You are a great mum.

Sorry children calling me will come back later to chat to everyoneesle.

I hope Herbie is here now.... who else hates the internet wait between the "I think this is it" and "baby is here"!!!!! I hope that Iammummy is doing ok and that she has someones contact details here to let us know!

Iammummy - hope it was not a false alarm but that you are safely snuggled with Herbie now.

Fettle - hope you are having nice day with PIl's

seaside - are you temping again now then?

OK need to go see kiddies again, I do miss them while I am at work, and so although I would love to stay online chatting more, I think I would like to go join in with the imaginary boat and explorers game they are doing!

sorry ladies for delay.........

herbie was born 10:15pm (welldone honey ) last night at home weighing 8lb 11oz very quick and panicked labour. i feel amazing, he is amazing and bf is going great he fed straight away and slept 5 hours solid - nips r feeling a little worse for wares.

will post whole story when things arnt so manic.

xxx

Hoorah - brilliant news!!! welcome to the world Herbie and well done Iammummy look forward to hearing all about it soon

Honey - well done on the prediction Maybe you can start keeping a record of all your predictions for your NCT students !!

waves to Minxi lovely to hear from you that all is well with your three

rainbow - I am half heartedly temping- keep forgetting in the morning but had a temp rise today (CD17) Annoyingly I did finally get a + opk on CD14 and 15 - so think I oved on CD 16 - I was always a day 12/13 ov-er so late this month and DH left to go away on CD15 - grrrr Try again next month I guess

Whoopee - Herbie is here!!!!!!!!!!!! [gri n]

just realised my first post welcoming Herbie was a bit tame and def not excited enough

Fantastic news iam. You sound so calm and relaxed!!!!! So pleased all going well! Can't sound as excited as seaside as I'm on my phone and emoticons very time consuming. Can't wait to see pictures. Always get broody when a ttc graduate gives birth.

Honey. Amazed at your prediction!!!

minxi. Great to hear from you. How is your little baby 7 months suddenly!!!! Goes so so quickly!!!!

Rainbow. Hope all well with you.

Don't get disheartened seaside, it will happen!!!

Ready. Glad to hear you feeling better. Don't dismiss all baby groups. Take your friends with you.

Horrid weather outside I can hear. I'm tucked up on bed. Bit grumpy with step-fil as he was v snappy rith dd earlier over something she couldn't stop! So gone to bed to have some time to myself!

Sleep well all. Especially Herbie!!!
Xxx

Iammummy - C~O~G~R~A~T~U~L~A~T~I~O~N~S on the birth of Herbie, well done on a homebirth, hope you are enjoying relaxing with all your family at home. Look forward to hearing more and seeing photos soon.

Honey - amazing prediction !!!!

Fettle - hope you have better day with step-fil tomorrow.

I am in the horrible 2ww, and hating it.

Lottie - Oh you brought a lump to my throat with your description of your two girls positions so cute that they have their individual personalities already. Also I loved the idea of your dh being able to stay at the hospital with you sounds great (not sure I would have mine due to the snoring!!! ). One thing that came to mind when you were mentioning about the going out for walks is that in some places the USA the temperatures are so cold during the winter that noone goes out for walks, but even when they go from the car into the shop they have to put a blanket over the whole baby car seat to stop the icey wind getting to the babies faces. It looked strange to me at first, but when the reason was explained it made sense. Did not make so much sence when my mum did it to my son's car seat in our milder winter here, but it was a bit cold and windy I suppose! So I think it is all a bit of guess-work as to what will be needed where you will be, but also you might get advice from locals as to what they do?!

Ah lottie. You really making me broody now!!! Your little girls sound gorgeous already. If you can afford it I would seriously consider private room if you ate going to be in for so long after section. Asuming maternity wards are the same all over. It will be noisy and you'll never get any sleep! Also if dh can stay over then even more perfect!

Chooster. Where are you? Last time we heard from you were worried you'd been in contact with swine flu. Hope you ok?

Rainbow. Focus in anything other than your 2we. How is work?

Better go. Xxx

Congratulations iamamummy! Well done on the HB too- and the BF! Herbie a good size too . Can't wait to hear more and maybe see a pic.

As for my prediction! I am quite impressed with myself too!

Lottie- how cold will it get? I was in Austria over xmas last year and it was pretty freezing. Dex wore snow suit plus tights and lots of clothes under that and had a big blanket/buggy snuggle on top too- and he was 1yrs old. I think you'll be probably staying inside for a while- or doing very short walks.