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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

sorry, i know it's been done to death, but shall i find out the sex???

40 replies

thisisyesterday · 26/12/2008 20:55

didn't with the previous 2.
was quite adamant i wasn't going to this time either, but now i am feeling tempted.
i just can't decide! i know there are pros and cons of each way... i am SO indecisive.

maybe I will do it on a poll.

so, answer yes or no and perhaps i'll go with the majority :D

OP posts:

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aGalChangedHerName · 26/12/2008 20:57

Never found out with any of my 4 dc and have never regretted it

A surprise is really nice IMO!!

goingfor3 · 26/12/2008 20:58

I was told I was having a girl at my 20 week scan. A few weeks later another showed it was a boy!

They can get it wrong!

WorzselMincepieYummage · 26/12/2008 20:59

Yes.

Found out with dd and loved knowing, loved planning and talking names and buying pink !

This time i wasnt gong to find out but its been a horrible problematic pregnancy so i did and i am really glad i know its a boy because it feels like i already know him.

But i think knowing is nice and not knowing is nice, its depends on you really

Original poster

thisisyesterday · 26/12/2008 21:00

goingfor3, this is what makes me wonder if there is any point, because I would alwayus be thinking "well, maybe they got it wrong"
so, prob wouldn't buy anything in advance anyway

OP posts:

SesHasnearlyreachedhalfway · 26/12/2008 21:04

I have a 21 week scan on Monday. DH and I have been unable to decide whether to find out or not. This will be dc1. The last few days though I am leaning towards not finding out and DH has decided he does want to! Don't know how to resolve this! Any ideas?

Apologies to OP as I've not answered you. Just finding myself in a similar situation!

LiffeyanFiaRua · 26/12/2008 21:05

Don't!

I was a bit oh right so after my scan. You don't have the hormonal rush of oxytocin and all that adrenalin coursing through your veins when you find out. Just a jelly belly and a stranger telling you whether it's a boy or a girl.

I didn't find out the first time, and I DID the second.

I wish I hadn't. I wouldn't have swapped my son for a row of girls when he showed up, but before he was born I was still wondering if maybe the sonographer was wrong.

SesHasnearlyreachedhalfway · 26/12/2008 21:06

sorry thisisyesterday - x-posted. When is your scan?

xxhunnyxx · 26/12/2008 22:25

Up to u, we're going to find out, I want to know but would also like the surprise but I'm really impatient so want to find out.
There's no wrong or right decision but finding out the sex is hardly going to ruin the magic of it all for u so I think u should just find out )

Flibbertyjibbet · 26/12/2008 22:41

I didn't find out either time with my two ds's.
I liked the surprise bit. SIL had her first child a few weeks before our ds1. They were calling the bump 'her' name, the house was a pink palace...
After ds1 was born MIL said it was soooo much more exciting to get that phone call at 5am and be told 'its a boy called miniflibberty weighing 7lb10oz' (we had kept our name choices secret ) compared to the phone call from sil saying 'she's here 5lb something'.

Also you need to bear in mind that some hospitals now either only tell you the sex IF you have specifically asked AND IF they can clearly make it out during the scan whilst checking all the other things that the scans are there to check for.

Since I had my two, our hospital now has a policy of not telling parents the sex. If anyone complains they are told its an anomaly scan, not a shopping list information/wave at your baby scan.

SesHasnearlyreachedhalfway · 27/12/2008 08:13

I know that if we do find out, we'll end up calling bump by his or her name and for some reason I find that strange.

I don't know how DH and I are going to agree. His parents arrive over from Ireland Monday afternoon and he now really wants to find out as if it's a boy, he wants to ask if we can name him after his grandfather. I think we could ask them that anyway by saying " if it's a boy..."

Any ideas??!

Poppycake · 27/12/2008 08:23

We asked with both. but didn't tell anyone else til they were born. I liked knowing and thinking about it! I don't quite get the "surprise" thing, in that it's all quite astounding having a baby anyway, so the gender is really an added detail (imo). And it was good to have the name all sorted out in advance. With dd2 they couldn't really tell in the first couple of scans (congenital heart problem so they kept looking to check nothing wrong), so I did her room out yellow in any case. DD1 I did know, but the previous people had done such a good job in blue that I couldn't in all sensibleness change it. I think the decoration thing is a bit of a red herring too!

katie789 · 27/12/2008 10:28

I'm 34 weeks with DC1, and so far, am very happy with our decision not to find out the sex.

I can't really give any specific reason for not wanting to know, beyond vague words like 'natural, magical, surprise', and possibly the risk of them getting it wrong, so I might bond with bump of one gender, only to find its another.

Years ago my Mum was told my little brother was a girl at her 20 week scan - she ended up having 'her' by emergency caesarean and came round from anaethestic to find she'd had a boy. She said it took her a good two weeks to bond with her baby as she was so shocked (and possibly a little traumatised by birth) that he wasn't the baby girl she'd been picturing for nine months.
However, I doubt mistakes happen like that these days though!

It's a very personal thing - just go with your gut feeling, but if you decide not to find out now, then change your mind, you could always pay for a private scan later on... Think that you've only got four months to wait though!

dan39 · 27/12/2008 15:23

ses hello! Could he find out and keep it secret? My dh wanted to, I didn't, I got curious and excited and ended up asking, we were told its a girl but have not told anyone else(apart from my lovely GP but she doesn't count!) which has been fine. Dh balked at first at 'lying' to people but I pointed out they do get it wrong....so, saying we don't know isn't technically a lie.

I kinda wish I hadn't as I have heart set on girl now and it MIGHT be wrong...??!!

I am 34 weeks now (ulp) and have a 35 week scan to see if placenta has moved, so might see if they will see then, but it might be too squished?

My overall advice is don't find out, I think...

merrykittymas · 27/12/2008 15:28

Found out with all three never regretted it one bit

Never told anyone their names until they were born

Very personal decision no right or wrong

SesHasnearlyreachedhalfway · 27/12/2008 15:31

Hi dan 34 weeks!!!!!!

I think we'll have a chat later but not still not sure how to resolve this...

CoteDAzur · 27/12/2008 15:40

Whenever you are told the sex, whether at birth or at scan, it is still the same surprise.

ElectraInExcelsis · 27/12/2008 18:14

I like to find out and did with my first two. However, this time my NHS scan at 20 weeks told me it was a boy, then I had a private scan at babybond and they told me a girl. I'm confused now.....but thinking babybond is probably right.

SesHasnearlyreachedhalfway · 27/12/2008 18:21

Electra - how confusing and frustrating!! What are you going to do? Prepare for either scenario I guess?

DH read this thread earlier and appeared quite thoughtful. I didn't ask and left him to his thoughts.
About an hour ago he asked me to make him a sandwich and a cup of coffee. I cheekily asked what was in it for me and he asked what I wanted. Tongue in cheek I said I wanted to not find out on Monday. He said ok !!!?? I asked him if he meant it and he said yes. I asked for it in writing and he refused saying I'd have to trust him.

All a very joky conversation but I'm secretly hoping be does mean it...

ElectraInExcelsis · 27/12/2008 18:26

Well, I don't think I am going to have another scan because really I will feel naughty having any more for non-medical reasons. I guess I probably will not buy much until the baby is born.

Thing is, the baby is never easy to scan - it is always all curled up so it has been very difficult to get any decent pictures of anything anyway!

wellbalanced · 27/12/2008 18:29

No it will be a nice surprise.
Espec as you said you wont buy anything, you dont really need to know..
Let your husband be the one that tells you at the birth

scifinerd · 27/12/2008 18:31

Hi I found out with all three. I think the day you give birth is so charged with emotion, youj don't need a surprise, it is enough to finally meet your baby. I really enjoyed knowing beforehand. I could prepare mentally for the addition to the family and bond.

While they can make mistakes, it is increasingly rare given the standard of equipment. But it doesn't matter what you do. Either way is special and I am excited for you.

worleywinterwonderland · 27/12/2008 18:40

how many people have been told what they were having at time of scan and then at birth it was wrong?
my friend was told she was having a girl, so que lots of pink things and then out popped a boy!!

worleywinterwonderland · 27/12/2008 18:41

its also the standard of the sonographer! girls are harder to see than boys though

expatinscotland · 27/12/2008 18:42

i agree with scifinerd.

we didn't find out with our first two, both girls, because our old trust didn't provide 20 week scans at all and we never had the spare £150-£200 to go private.

sorry, but i didn't enjoy the 'surprise' becuase my birth experiences were both so traumatic in different ways.

we found out with no. 3, DS and we're both SO glad we did!

definitely no mistaking it on teh scan, either. he was all wee man in there .

Original poster

thisisyesterday · 27/12/2008 20:48

hmmm thank you for all the replies!

i think i have decided not to find out. I know that I would always be thinking well, maybe they got it wrong, so I guess it's kind of pointless.

at my first birth i was handed the baby and I didn't even think to look! i just assumed it was a boy, and then when I looked it was

second time round basically the same, only he wasn't wrapped up in anything when I got him so it was fairly obvious and it was a lovely, lovely moment beucase I had really wnated another boy so was super happy

this time I absolutely don't mind what we have. I know I will get impatient and wish I knew, but hey, i'll find out eventually I suppose

OP posts:

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