My Waters Went on Monday at 22+4 :(

[WorzselMummage]

Hi,

Does anyone have any experience of really premature rutured membranes ?

My waters went on monday as a result of an infection i picked up having an emergency stitch put in last week.

Babys fine and the stitch is still holding, i've not gone in to labour but obviously this is a grim situation and we're likely to lose our baby boy.

I'm on some wacking great antibiotics which are making me feel hideous but i have been discharged from hospital, there is nothing mroe they can do there apparently so i am home on bedrest praying babys lungs develop and he stays put for a few more weeks to at least give him a chance.

Does anyone know anyne who has been though this ?

Good to read your update - doing as well as he can be expected to is great. Are you eating and drinking properly? I know you're pushed for time but you have to take care of you too

Hey - great to hear from you. I can only imagine (and not very well at that) how scared you are. I have nothing useful to say except I am thinking of you every day and sending hugs and love. I bet it's just madness trying to fit everything into your day and take care of DD and DH and yourself as well as George. It's no wonder you're feeling blue-grey, you must be exhausted, I can't imagine that you're not.

But here's something to make you smile and for George to grow into. They're on their way to you.

I am so sore today from shoveling slush-soaked icy snow off my driveway. I got stuck going up the teeny-tiny incline into our garage... that was fun! NOT!! Now there's a rainfall warning for today. I am officially sick of the snow.
Will check in with you later.
xxxx

Oh bless you, those shoes are adorable !

thank you

We've not long been back from the hospital and george seems to be fine, he had a brain scan today and all appears normal thankfully. We had a chat with his consultant too and he seemed very nice put us at ease a bit. He said he was pleased with george and that everything thats happening is normal and thats exactly what i need to hear, i know other peoples 27 weekers go home and live normal lives so if they tell me that he's doing what he's supposed to be doing is enough to quell me fears a little.

Finally had a good cry, i think df was a bit shocked about how i feel really and when i reaslised how much of it was down to losing 'the pregnancy' and so am i, i am a little ashamed of it really it seems so trivial.

anyway, chickens cooked almost so i must dash, it's good to be a fully functioning person again and not just queen of the sofa :D

((hugs to you all))

Worszel - when dd3 was two days old I was left alone in the house for a while to get some sleep whilst dh took her out in the pram. I cried and cried because I missed - not her the baby as such - but the bump, the companionship and the feeling of waiting with someone, of being at one with someone who was themselves and part of me at one and the same time. Now that was me after 41 weeks of pregnancy and no trauma at all - I can only imagine what it's like for you. It's absolutely not trivial - carrying our children is a big part of who we are.

Good to read your consultant was happy with things - Go George!

Yay george!!

I cried for my pregnancy when I had dd1, and I had a breeze when compared to you, compared to most people in fact.

I think it's hard when your in a situation like yours, our brain wants to know what is a reaction to the 'abnormality' and shitty hard bit, and what is a reaction that everyone has to everyday stuff to be expected by anyone who had a child.

AND THEN - we give no time to the normal stuff as we feel guilty that we should just be grateful everything is ok and 'how dare I feel tired/hungry/pissed off/happy'....God I hope this makes sense.

I think I'm trying to say that you have had a baby, and so need sleep, food, rest and a good stomp, cry and a giggle. Just like anyone else. Add to that the extra you have been through - and you need them 100 times over!!

Having a baby in SCBU is utterly utterly exhausting so look out for yourself as well as George. x

I was wondering how you were doing WM - not having been on Mumsnet much over the holidays. CONGRATULATIONS on the safe arrival of George, who looks so yummy! You've both come so far from the start of this thread.

FWIW I think it's quite normal to feel very different after a premature birth, because it isn't the same 'achievement' as carrying a baby to term. I had two VBs, and felt very numb and strange after DD1 (prem) and took a long time to bond with her. In a lot of ways I felt that I'd failed by not keeping her in as long as I was supposed to. However, I didn't realise quite how bad it had been until I had DD2 (term) and the bonding was immediate and the feelings were so, so different. I did bond with DD1 of course, it just took longer - lots of skin to skin once she was home etc, and there was definitely a moment when I was lying in bed with her when I thought "this really is MY baby", and I don't think I'd felt that before because it's so easy when they're in SCBU to feel that they aren't yours - to start with because you're too scared to, and then after that because the nurses seem so much more involved with your baby than you are.

Great news that your milk is in and that the pumping is going okay. Hang in there.

Just echoing other posts Worzel, DS was 31w and 4lb 6 and was still on caffeine and fats powder for the first week. It sounds like George is doing brilliantly and the brain scan is excellent news.

Please, please ask the nurses for kangaroo time, I was too timid to ask for anything (1st time mum) and I regretted it afterwards.

Will keep sending good vibes....

Totally utterly echo what laumiere said and same here re. feeling like I couldn't ask for stuff. Looking back I think I had this weird feeling that if I kicked up any kind of a fuss or asked for anything they wouldn't let me take the babies home I'm so pleased for you at the brain scan results and that you're feeling a bit less anxious - you must feel as if you've been walking a tightrope for the last few months. I hope you get to have some KK time as I think it will really help you with all of it. Like everyone, I'm sending you and George, so very many good vibes.

Just wanted to say a massive congratulations Worzel/Sarah, and welcome baby George!

Anushcka, I have been trying to reply to your email for days but for some reason my Hotmail keeps refusing

please don't think i am ignoring you

George is fine, he's off his antibiotics and insulin and getting 6ml ebm and hour now, he's not lost any more weight and seems to be a real charactor, he really knows what he wants and squeeks and moans when he doesnt have it, he doesnt much like the cpap so its good for him that he's doing 3 on 3 off at the moment, its so nice to see his face without the mask on, ihad a lovely cuddle yesterday and the nurse left me to if for a bit, wonderful ! He was really settle afterward so i think he enjoyed it too

The nurses have all said that he's doing really well, i am sure there will be problems to overcome but at the moment he's holding his own so much more then we had imagined him being able to, i keep having to remind myself that we have a long way to go still.

I feel fine, I seemed to have stabalised a bit emotionally, I spent 2 nights expressing with no regard to sterility and just putting it down the sink in the morning just so I didnt have to get out of bed, i was exhausted i think because its made all the difference to how i feel. I guess months of not sleeping has to catch up with you somewhere eh. Now i have started trying to get up again though i keep turning my alarm off in my sleep sleeping through my alarm

Sorry i've not updated much, its manic here at the moment

Hope your all well xx

Hi Worzel, glad to hear you and George are doing well. Lovely that you got to have a cuddle with him, sounds like he enjoyed it too. Take care xx

Thanks for the update and brilliant idea to just keep the milk up expressing but stay in bed.

Well done George and Worzel!

Hey, phew, glad you're ok! And that George is doing so well!

Sounds like George is doing really well and so are you! Go George! Go worszel!

Hi Worszel and glad to hear that George is making good progress after all you have been through. The night expressing is a pain but as you probably know worth it in terms of supply. I used to make sure I expressed before going to bed around 11 and used to keep an Avent hand pump next to the bed with the white plastic cap on so it was sterile and ready for use. Guidelines are that you can keep ebm at room temperature for 6-8 hours and given that it was the depths of winter I felt it was ok to leave the pump there once I was done and decant and freeze in the morning.

Take care

Is that right Lizzie ? I have been told i have to put it in the freezer immediatly they have tightened up the rules since dd was born and its no fun atall getting out of bed at 2 am... brrrrr !

George stil fine, i went today and he'd been moved, hes still in intensive care but a few beds down, further away from the nurses now so he's obviously not worrying them to much hes doing fabulously really 4 on 2 off with the cpap now and tolerating it really well and we expect him to be up to birthweight tomorrow.

I'm fine too, feel good really.. i took myself cloths shopping yesterday which always helps doesnt it.. i have loads of lovely maternity cloths though which have had no wear as back in normal stuff already, can you believe i managed not to put on any weight really.. stress has a lot to answer for doesnt it.

love to you all x

It's so lovely to hear your updates, and to hear how beautifully gorgeous George is getting on. Glad you're feeling a bit more cheery too, and i'm very of your clothes shopping. I no longer even fit into my 2 pairs of maternity jeans. Oops. Hope you, George, and your DP have a good week - much love and continued prayers and good wishes to you all.
xxx

Yay George, cycling off CPAP and putting on weight!

Re storage of expressed milk, there are a number of different sets of guidelines and some disagreement on the "correct" treatment. I think what you are being told is at the extreme end of the spectrum - both units dd was in (including the one that has intensive care) told you to freeze within 24 hours. This is also the procedure I followed when later donating milk - you can check the guidelines on www.ukamb.org. If you think about basic hygiene principles, it is far more important that the milk goes into a clean sterile container and given that it is the middle of winter room temperature is pretty low anyway.

Alternatively, you could keep the milk in your freezer at home until he's older rather than discarding it. Sorry to bang on, it's just that having been down the same road a) expressed milk is too precious to throw away lightly and b) ime SCBU and other hospital staff don't properly explain how important it is to express at night if you are to have half a chance of building and maintaining a good supply to help keep your boy well and keep breastfeeding. (yes, although it goes down the tube, you are a breastfeeding mother).

Hope all news from both of you continues to be good news.

still thinking of you worzel as I know this bit must be hard too what with baby george in SCBU and having to get up to express at night. Hope you're feeling ok

thank you tsom.

getting up in the night is Pain In The Arse but worth it.. expressing is so bloody demoralising though.. every time i end up sat next to someone in the pump room they seem to produce more than me and then i start doubting myself.. grrr, my Mw suggested Domperidone so if it doesnt improve i shall do that

I atually feel ok, tired and stressed but ok

George has been promoted out of Intensive care he's off the Cpap and holding his own fairly well with only occasional desats. He's a bit jaundiced and gets reflux so is on gaviscon but he's doing wonderfully really, we are so chuffed i just hope we continue on this path. I cant believe he's 2 weeks old already !

That is great news - he's making steady progress isn't he? Well done you and don't be downhearted by the expressing room women - maybe they're sitting there thinking - 'ooh I wish I was as beautiful and serene as that worszelmummage woman'

Yay, two weeks old!!!!!!!!!! Cheers for George!!!
And cheers for George's lovely mummy for hanging in there so well!!
xxx

Hi w, have been wondering how you are all doing and glad to hear from you.

With you all the way on the emotions re expressing. I found that nursing staff treated it as a totally technical exercise and had no clue how it felt to do it day in, day out. I can honestly say that when I have gone back to the SCBU, it's the expressing room more than anywhere else that gives me the heeby jeebies.

It's hard, but try not to look at what others are doing - the person you see pumping more than you may not have pumped for many hours, their milk may have been in for weeks, whereas little and often is usually the key to keeping things going and you are really just getting started. Your mw is right, domperidone often helps and fenugreek is a herbal supplement that many people find helpful.

I found the following helped me too: using a hand pump next to dd's incubator always helped the let down, going to pump after having a cuddle/putting her to the breast, in the first few weeks, switching sides when the flow stopped, and then switching back. Once I felt comfortable with the idea, double pumping, although this took me a while.

It is just fantastic news that George is off CPAP so soon, it sounds like he is doing so well. Is he on low-flow oxygen or in air: either way he is doing brilliantly.

Take care

He's on oxygen now just in his incubator. He does seem to be doing really well, he's remarkable really considering what he's been though already.

Both women i had been sat next to had their babies after i had george and they both got at least twice as much as me. I always had a crap supply with DD and it dried up completly after 6 weeks I can see the same happening again to be honest Sometimes i only manage 40 ml which is a pitiful amount. Especially when i have to do it every 2 hours and my nipples hurt.. soul destroying it is really. I said to Df yesterday that my entire reproductive system is shit and he actually agreed with me - not the reply i was hoping for really, a bit of a kick in the teeth to be honest and its played on my mind every since and now i dont know why i bother, George might aswell have donor milk now, he inevitably will end up on it anyway. It would be nice to be good at just one thing, this child producing lark has made me feel completly inadequate. Overies = shit, Womb = shit, cervix = fucked, tits = useless.

great

You are not useless! You have carried your beautiful son for as long as you could. Everything he is, eveything he has, is down to you. You did nothing wrong and your reproductive system is not shit. It hasn't made things easy for you and it's terribly unfair that you've had this struggle - but none of that is your fault. You are a great mother, doing a great job. Have you spoken to anybody about these feelings? I really think you should because you have been through an experience that would challenge anybody and getting some support with that is vital for both of you. Df's comment wasn't the most helpful thing - but I suspect he's probably struggling with things too - he couldn't fix this could he? He's had to watch you go through hell and you've had to watch him suffer too - then you both have to watch your son as he is born so very young. Please be kind to yourself. You are a good mother and every ml of breast milk you produce is doing your son good.