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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

who arranges your baby shower?

40 replies

mad4mybaby · 12/09/2008 13:54

Just wondering if its something you arrange yourself in your own home or if someone is supposed to do it on your behalf? Never got one with ds1 as didnt have any friends/family nearby but i really want one this time round.

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expatinscotland · 12/09/2008 13:55

no one because they are a horrible, naff trend from America that i hope NEVER takes root here.

and having one for a second baby is even more of a faux pas.

FWIW, you never organise your own. it's always organised by someone else.

MrsTittleMouse · 12/09/2008 13:59

Sorry, I hate them too. If you live in a country that has a tradition for them, then maybe, but you wouldn't have one for a second child anyway. And you never organise your own baby shower, as it's tantamount to telling all your friends and family that they have to buy you lots of stuff.

Could you organise a "final fling before I have a newborn to look after again" party, that doesn't involve presents, but does involve getting together with your friends?

lollipopmother · 12/09/2008 14:03

I didn't have a baby shower as it's totally not my thing to want to be the centre of attention or to expect presents (and I don't mean that as a dig or at all negatively).

What I did do though was have some friends over for a party, it was in no way intended as a baby shower but it was intended as a last get together and bit of fun before I had my baby.

I think it depends on what you want the baby shower for - do you want it for the presents (again, I really don't mean to offend), or do you want it for the friendship?

If it's the friendship then you can organise it yourself and just call it a party so people don't feel forced into buying presents (I would be really pissed if a friend of mine expected me to buy them a present - I would get them one because I wanted to, not because they expected it iyswim).

If it's the presents - well if they are your friends/family then they will get you presents regardless, and you don't need to have a baby shower to do this.

Sorry if this has been a bit hurtful/judgy, it's not intended in that way although there's not really an easy way of saying it without knowing your intentions.

SoupDragon · 12/09/2008 14:07

What Expat said

lulumama · 12/09/2008 14:09

well, sorry to be so naff.. but i had one, that my friend made for me, and i recently made one for a dear friend. it was very nice and a lovely excuse to pamper the mother to be and give her some gifts, rather than the baby. it was a nice excuse for a get together with friends. also, if you give a present at the shower for the baby, you don;t give another one when teh baby is born.

harpsichordcarrier · 12/09/2008 14:10

my best friend organised a baby shower for me (we were working for an American company at the time and knew lots of Americans)
I organised one for a lovely friend of mine who doesn't have a great relationship with her mum and sister
I enjoyed both, as it happens. lots of silly games and nice food, and I did say no-one had to buy a gift.
each to his own

Jennyusedtobepink · 12/09/2008 14:12

I had a surprise baby shower, my mum organised it for me. I was 36 weeks pregnant, and feeling so bloody huge and hideous, it was perfect timing to have all my wonderful friends around me.

Loved it. And I make no apologies for it.

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 12/09/2008 14:13

thank you lulumama, as i do already have a ds and this is ds2 it isnt about getting presents for the baby. I had crap pg with ds and on my own without any friends around and now ive moved i feel i missed out abit on being 'special' or i need of pampering, cant really work out how to say what i mean.

ok yes i will say it, it is more about me. I would like to have some time that is just about me for once! Yes pampering! I would love to go and spend money on pampering stuff like massages etc but cant afford to plus have ds to think about getting sitter for.

Just wasnt sure what the 'done' thing was when you already have had a dc.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 12/09/2008 14:14

so, basically it's about guilting your friends into paying for 'pampering' for you.

ilovemydog · 12/09/2008 14:14

I just threw a baby shower for a friend. did a brunch thing.

She loved it and sent a really nice note saying she felt really supported...

What's wrong with that?

crumpet · 12/09/2008 14:16

If its just a get together with friends then don't call it a babyshower.

I'm with Expat - an American import which hdoesn't sit well here - I hope it never becomes an expectation. For those who had one as an unexpected surprise then I'm sure it was great, but to expect to have one is just like demanding that people buy things.

Besides, I was far too superstitious to buy much for mine before they were actually born - had the minimum of nappies/babygros etc until I actually knew that all had gone well.

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 12/09/2008 14:16

no expat its not about making anyone feel 'guilty'. Im not talking about doing it for presents, im talking about doing it for a treat for me.

ilove,ydog, thats exactly the lines i was thinking but wasnt sure if it was odd to do it for myself or not... or how to go about it?

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 12/09/2008 14:17

But there is a difference between a "let's all get together and cheer up the pregnant woman" brunch and a baby shower. After all, the whole point of it is to be showered with gifts. I'm all for parties, especially when you're the size of a house and could do with having friends around to cheer you up - I think that showers are a bit naff, especially as there is no tradition for them in this country.

MKG · 12/09/2008 14:17

I've had two.
They are relatively boring and have the stupidest games, but they are more useful for first babies, as that is where you get the majority of your baby necesities. I had none before my first baby shower (no clothes, nothing) and after I had everything I would need. The second baby shower was more of a get together with family, and the best gift I got was about 400 diapers.

You never organise your own. That is just tacky and selfish because the point is that people give you gifts.

Both of mine were surprises, and if I get a third I'll be blown over.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2008 14:18

you don't throw it for yourself and call it a baby shower, mad4, and you just said you wanted pampered but can't afford it.

people suggested a final fling before newborn hood party if you're throwing it yourself with no presents clause.

lulumama · 12/09/2008 14:18

no guilt tripping involved, i would hope my friends were happy to spend a few quid on bringing some food and a small gift.. and i am happy to do so for my friends.

nothing wrong with treating a friend to something

onepieceoflollipop · 12/09/2008 14:19

mad4mybaby I think you would know already if you were in a group of friends that "do" baby showers. The fact you are asking here suggests that it is not established in your circle of friends. Imo to try and start the ball rolling at this stage might not be the best option.

My friend attends a church where they "do" baby showers, but it is more about having a laugh one evening in someone's home rather than people paying for expensive gifts/treats. e.g some people don't bring gifts and wait until the birth. Some people bring a small gift for mum and/or baby. The baby showers are really an excuse for regular get togethers I think - they happen for any baby that is expected, not just first babies.

A few snacks and drinks are provided. Maybe one or two silly games such as guess what the weight of the baby will be.

MKG · 12/09/2008 14:21

I have to say I love going to them, because I love giving gifts and picking them out.

I didn't like everyone watching me as I opened gifts though. It feels very weird (especially when you are as big as a house pregnant)

harpsichordcarrier · 12/09/2008 14:24

just because something is American does not mean it is necessarily bad
I think in this country, in the current culture, we should do more to support women who are just about to have babies and who have had babies. they are often left painfully unsupported ime at a very difficult time for the couple.
a hundred years ago we would have all rallied round to help when a woman in our community had a baby. now we just let her get on with it.
after my friend's shower, I told her to think about who had come and the fact that they wanted to help and support her and that if she needed help after the baby was born then to think of those women and how they would be only too delighted to help her.
it is aboout female solidarity and sisterhood imo.

lulumama · 12/09/2008 14:26

it is lovely to celebrate the fact a new life i s on the way and make the mother feel special and treasured.

it is soooo british to be all , oh we don;t want any fuss!!

MrsTittleMouse · 12/09/2008 14:26

I wonder whether expat and I feel so strongly about showers because we've both lived in a country where they are part of the culture. In the US a baby shower is all about being "showered" with gifts (as is a wedding shower for that matter). If you are thrown a shower, then you are expected to register with a store for the gifts that you want.

I'm all for celebrating life and the changes that we all go through. To be honest, before we had DCs, DH and I were "any excuse for a party" kind of people. But then I wouldn't call it a "shower", I'd call it something completely different. And if I wanted a bit of pampering I'd ask a load of friends to come around with nail polish and face packs and all that girly stuff, so that we could give each other pedicures and so on.

lollipopmother · 12/09/2008 14:31

Mad4mybaby - How about you just arrange a girly night in? Buy in some pizzas, rent an easy to watch film and invite the girls round? Or do a daytime party like I did where I invited two other couples round in the afternoon, my DP and I made a big pot of fajitas that everyone helped themselves to and we all sat about listening to music, nattering about nothing in particular. I really enjoyed myself, I had been feeling a bit lonely, a bit isolated and generally naffed off and having my friends round for a couple of hours felt really great.

If you are wanting pampering how about booking a lovely Indian Head Massage or a pregnancy massage for yourself? I have nearly done this on a number of occasions - I ended up having reflexology at 40+3 and it was totally lush, didn't do what I wanted it to, but it was still relaxing and great, and not that expensive (£35).

lollipopmother · 12/09/2008 14:36

I'm with MrsTittleMouse on the 'shower' part - maybe I am too British! It just doesn't sit well with me, but then I don't like the idea of wedding lists where the bride and groom register a load of horribly expensive gifts that they can't afford to buy/wouldn't dream of buying themselves and then just expect their guests to buy them because they're on the list, and well, we're getting married doncha know!

Have a party, have a brilliant time, don't feel at all guilty for wanting some company, but don't call it a baby shower basically.

harpsichordcarrier · 12/09/2008 14:41

I think it probably makes a difference, too, that lulumama and I both work with pregnant women and newly delivered women so we perhaps are coming from a different perspective, i.e. we are more likely than most to see women who need support than the average woman.
perhaps.

FabioBigBangBlackHole · 12/09/2008 14:43

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