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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Things they don't tell you before you get pregnant

302 replies

AnguaVonUberwald · 12/09/2008 11:51

I know this has been done before, and that there are lots of bad things they don't tell you before you get pregnant.

But also, everyone goes on about how once you have the baby your life will never be the same again - they don't mention that you will love the baby so much, you will really like the new way, and not mind that everything you once enjoyed about your life has changed, because you have your baby instead.

OK, and then there is:

That you might never get the second trimester energy rush, and in fact might be exhausted all the way through!

That you will get instant attention from the NHS, until you get to 36 weeks pregnant, and then they will ignore you unless you can prove you are in labour (something that is impossible to do)

That you will never see the same midwife twice

That they will make you take home your wee, clean out the tub, and wee in it again a month later!

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dinkystinky · 26/09/2008 09:39

That with spots, crazy mood swings, other hair sprouting all over the shop and other body issues, you basically regress to puberty - it was painful enough going through puberty the first time!

Though that said, I love being pregnant much more than I enjoyed being a teenager...

Prettyfull · 26/09/2008 10:39

Stitches after birth are so sore that it hurts when ya need to wee! My midwife advised me to run a small bath and go in there,.....nobody warned me lol

frazzledoldbag34 · 26/09/2008 14:33

You might have very, very rude dreams.
About very, very unattractive / unsuitable men!

Your morning sickness might actually wake you up during the early hours of the morning. Ugh.

JennieP · 26/09/2008 17:31

Im hearin ya on the rude dreams.... Even watchin Brokeback Mountain turned me on the other day!!!

PuzzleRocks · 26/09/2008 17:34

Oh god I had the most revolting pervy dream last night. Even DH (very broad minded) looked uncomfortable when I told him.

JennieP · 26/09/2008 17:57

The problem with pervy dream sis you wake up feeling even more tired than when you went to sleep because of all the 'hard work' you've been doing while asleep!!

tsom · 27/09/2008 20:57

woke up yesterday thinking I'd had a hot night with dh but realised it was all a dream as he wasn't even in the same bed

Bessie123 · 29/09/2008 10:04

I just skimmed this thread but thought I'd crash with a few tips - hth

Zara makes v good maternity clothes that don't assume your thighs and bum have suddenly ballooned just because you are pregnant

buy some stretchy dresses for the last month because they might be all that fit you and they are certainly the most comfortable thing you can wear. Do not buy maternity clothes that do up with a button at the front.

your feet can go up at least a shoe size and sometimes they don't go back down, leaving you with loads of pairs of shoes from pre- or early pregnancy that don't fit you any more

it can take more than 6 months for the last of the swelling to go down and your joints to go back to normal

you won't necessarily do a poo when giving birth but beforehand, deal with the fact that you might, just in case

maternity nurses, day doulas or anyone who lets you get some sleep in the first couple of weeks and cooks meals, does cleaning etc are the biggest help you can imagine after you've brought the baby home from hospital

take a photo or a film of your bump. Although you are sick of it now, it is so nice to look back at it when your baby is a few months old.

For all the uncomfortable, unpleasant parts, pregnancy is a really special time - people are (probably) only trying to emphasise that when they don't tell you about the bad bits. BUT if people do insist on telling you their horrible birth stories, DON'T LISTEN

cyteen · 30/09/2008 17:10

That once you've had the baby, no one will give a shit about you anymore. All those kind strangers who asked how far along you were and said 'oh, don't you look well!' will now be crowded around your pram asking how the baby is, oblivious to the dead-eyed zombie in ill-fitting clothes that is you.

ruthosaurus · 01/10/2008 10:43

I like the "ballooning" clothes - my top half is normal but my bottom half is huge so I look like a woman peering out of the sun roof in a mini, iyswim! I'm with you all the way on the buttons, tho.

Suddenly some older female relatives will become very judgemental about anything you do: grandma will be horrified that you didn't give up work at 3 months FOR THE BABY like she did, MIL will tell you how she worked up to the day before the birth and was back at work 2 days later because TIMES WERE HARD AND WE DIDN'T HAVE THE ADVANTAGES YOU DO NOW. Treasure any childless aunts etc as they may be nicer to you. I have also noticed a slight attitude in some family members of ""Hah, it's your turn now - suckers".

BabyBaby123 · 01/10/2008 10:48

that once your baby is past the newborn stage no one will be particularly interested in you/it any more

ruthosaurus · 01/10/2008 13:14

That beforehand they will drop in unexpectedly all the time and watch you lumbering around trying to make them cups of tea with great interest but without lifting a finger to help.

Sore point today.

babyinbelly · 01/10/2008 13:58

You will have just as much broken sleep before birth as after due to needing to wee constantly but being sooooo thirsty you also have to drink loads of water during the night making you wee even more.

gingersarah · 01/10/2008 14:06

Bessie123 on Mon 29-Sep-08 10:04:09 said:

you won't necessarily do a poo when giving birth but beforehand, deal with the fact that you might, just in case

::::

Bessie, sorry if this is a stupid question but how can you deal with the fact that you might?

thank you!

shootfromthehip · 01/10/2008 14:30

Haven't read the whole things so if I am reapeating anything then forgive me...No-one happens to mention that you can get indigestion that makes you feel like you are choking on acid, that you can feel like you are sitting on a stapler (SPD), that you can get cramps in your hands that make you look like you have just stepped out of a Hammer Horror movie (Carpel Tunnel) or that you can throw- up on demand.

Many people also fail to mention that men tend to react to you in one of 3 ways-

  1. they are very fatherly and rush about to get things for you

  2. they look terrified every time you lurch past- just in case you happen to pop your sprog out in a matter of seconds and they have to catch it

  3. they look at you in a slightly letcherous- aha so I see you have had sex and can produce children, I really find you sexy way- probably the most disconcerting thing that has ever happened to me

Another thing that is NOT mentioned that is very often on public transport people will not give up their seat for you and bump. Ah, and there is of course my personal favourite- you cannot eat what you want in pregnancy as you will not get up the morning after giving birth and look like Elle MCPherson- 4 1/2 stone IS actually to much eating in 9 mths.

Bessie123 · 01/10/2008 20:55

Gingersarah - I meant you should work on accepting that you might poo so that you don't feel embarrassed if it happens (although I spent a lot of time working on this and then didn't do a poo)

ruthosaurus · 02/10/2008 11:50

That your house will fill up with catalogues but that this is a really Good Thing as you won't have the attention span to read anything else.

That driving in the last 6 weeks will scare you and hurt your pelvis.

kingrolo · 02/10/2008 15:51

The poo thing... before I got pregnant I didn't know that women pooed in labour but since I got pregnant it seems to be all anyone talks about. I've been told to prepare myself for this eventuality so often (by friends, midwives, my mother, even dh) that I'll feel I've missed a vital part of labour if I don't manage to pop one out at some point!

jbakedbean · 04/10/2008 15:11

tears, tears and more tears, over twelve weeks now and really want the good time to kick in. Just can't stop crying, I'm not sad, but my partner doesn't understand that i just can't control the tears.

I know most people get a boost in the next few weeks so please bring it on.

I agree with a lot of the above, itchy skin (dryness) constipation, constant pms more than anything,

I'm going to get my partner to read this so he can understand its not all smiles and pretty bumps.

thanks all who have commented, x

HobbitMama · 05/10/2008 02:48

That just as you can cry at the drop of a hat, you can also laugh at the silliest of things, that a lot of the time just REALLY aren't that funny. So much so, that 5 mins later, you're starting to feel pain in your chest from laughing like Mutley the dog, and you're worried (while you're laughing) that straining your bump muscles might trigger labour.

heather1980 · 05/10/2008 13:32

that everyone will ask you if you know what sex the baby is even if you have told them 5000 times before that you don't, and when people ask you you reply ' a baby' and they look at you as if you are mad.

that lying on your back when heavily pregnant makes you feel sick and dizzy.

that after the birth you get night sweats and feel menopausal for weeks

LoveActually · 05/10/2008 17:44

bessie 123 - dunno if you are still there but do your feet go down? I was going to treat myself to a pair of really nice new black boots with heels but at nearly 7 months am not sure I can wear them. So was thinking I could wear them afterwards, only someone warned me not to buy any shoes...

ruthosaurus · 06/10/2008 11:26

LoveActually - I'm 7 and a half months and I'm not risking it since my hands swelled up unexpectedly on Saturday, having been normal before. My feet were only swollen after I'd been standing for a while but now seem to be stuck like this for the duration, so I'm going to treat myself to new shoes after the birth!

BinkyB · 13/10/2008 13:44

for anyone expecting twins (or more...):

That EVERYONE you tell will ask 'Are there twins in your family?'

And when you say no, some people even mere acquaintances will feel entitled to ask
'did you have fertility treatment then?'

And you'll be tempted to make up lots of funny answers to both.

TheLittleMamaThatCould · 24/10/2008 22:09

That once you find out you're pregnant you suddenly feel that you are way more wise and knowing than that other girl over other who is not pregnant.

That it annoys you to NO END when people who have never been pregnant can tell you how to get your "pre baby" body back.

That you're scared to death, uberhappy, tired, angry, exhausted, and excited while at the same time not really believing there's a real baby inside of you.

Thank you ladies, I have GREATLY enjoyed reading these!