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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

would you be a surrogate?

33 replies

MrsSylar · 21/07/2008 23:34

My best friend has been ttc to 5 years. She has had numerous cycles of IVF which have resulted in 3 pregnancies, all miscarried at about 7 weeks.

She is now undergoing loads of different (and expensive) tests to find out if there is an obvious cause.

Her consultant has not mentioned surrogacy to her, as they don't know if that would be necessary or indeed make any difference. However, it may end up being an option.

She has about 12 fertilized embryos in a freezer somewhere, waiting to be implanted.

She has been my best friend for 20 years and I love her dearly.She desperately desperately wants a baby.
I find pregnancy very easy, and my labours have been fast and not that bad.
I found myself thinking the other day that if she was told surrogacy might help her have her own baby, would I offer to do it.

I keep thinking about it. Maybe I would offer. What do you think?

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themildmanneredjanitor · 21/07/2008 23:35

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Ambi · 21/07/2008 23:37

It's definitely something I would like to do as I had easy pregnancies.

Ambi · 21/07/2008 23:37

pregnancY - just the one!

Original poster

MrsSylar · 21/07/2008 23:38

I keep thinking that as it would not be genetically my child, handing it over afterwards would not be so hard.
Am I completely deluding myself?
I must be, right?

OP posts:

Ambi · 21/07/2008 23:40

I think it depends on the individual, and since you are such close friends, you'd be "babysitting" for her. It depends on whether you could I think.

hellsbells76 · 21/07/2008 23:41

i've also been seriously thinking about it - i have a good friend who suffers severely from arthritis and has to take a lot of drugs every day. she desperately wants a baby but the thought of coming off the drugs for 9 months terrifies her. i love being pregnant and giving birth and although i've decided not to have any more children, i'm rather sad at the thought of never experiencing that again. i've offered and she's thinking about it - i'd do it gladly.

do you get the full maternity leave if you're a surrogate? quite fancy taking 9 months a year off, could make a career of it ;)

i think it's the most amazing gift you can give someone but i couldn't imagine doing it for a stranger. i don't think i could do it with my own eggs either, it'd have to be completely biologically her baby.

BeHereNow · 21/07/2008 23:46

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TheRealMrsOsborne · 21/07/2008 23:46

Similar situation with my SIL and i have offerred to be a surrogate - have had two easy pregnancies and two really fast drug free, no problem labours.

Could only do it if it wasn't biologically my child though. I think my SIL is going to have a operation followed by IVF again. I just don't think she can accept that she can't carry a child herself

I think if you do offer you really need to set down rules first and i think that you have to have couselling before any IVF clinic would go ahead.

Good luck with it though, it would be an amazing thing to do for someone.

Califrau · 21/07/2008 23:48

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TheRealMrsOsborne · 21/07/2008 23:49

Oh when i looked into it you do get maternity leave as a surrogate and so can the 'Mother' as they can get adoption leave.

Once all the legal stuff is sorted the parents can get the birth certificate re-issued with their names on it if they are biologically the child's parents which i think is fabulous.

schneebly · 21/07/2008 23:49

For a long time friend of close family member yes I think I would seriously consider it - esp if they ahve frozen enbryos.

It will not be easy but would be a wonderful gift to give.

Best wishes whatever you decide.

Anglepoise · 22/07/2008 00:53

I have thought about it (not terribly seriously but I don't know anyone in this situation). I don't know whether my age (just under 32) would be a bar and also have no idea how giving birth etc would affect me (currently 32 weeks PG with DC1). In this situation I would definitely think about it but do a lot of reading before suggesting it. What an amazing gift to give someone.

MKG · 22/07/2008 01:28

I've also been considering it. I think once I feel like I've completed my own family I will. Emotionally I couldn't handle carrying and giving away a baby right now. I work in a children's clothing store and met a woman who had a surrogate carry her triplets. She explained that she was born without a uterus and that it was her only shot at children. She recently brought the boys in to do some shopping and she is over the moon with happiness. I know I would want to give that feeling to someone, but only when I'm emotionally ready to do it.

Here in the US you would have to go through a lot of counselling first to see if emotionally you can handle it.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/07/2008 07:45

I haven't done labour yet so maybe I'd reconsider but if it was someone I really loved then yes. I think I'd be able to separate my feelings if it was not my egg and if the parents were really invlved from the start.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 22/07/2008 08:01

I would do it for my sister, SIL, or a very close friend if it was the only way forward for them.

cheerfulvicky · 22/07/2008 08:17

I could never do it myself as I know I would end up getting too attached and not being able to go through with it. But I think it's an incredibly unselfish act if you can handle it, and it would... well, make someone's life. Which is incredible.

Oblomov · 22/07/2008 08:37

I couldn't.
But that is due to my diabetes making pregnancy difficult.
Not the emotional side. I think I could do that.
But only for my bf or someone close.

Flower3554 · 22/07/2008 08:50

I could do it "said in the knowledge that it'll never happen, too old now)

I "give" babies away all the time

I know it's not the same as carrying a baby for 9 months but believe me, it's damned hard letting go each and every time.

lou031205 · 22/07/2008 09:03

No. Not a chance - I couldn't imagine carry a child, feeling it's every squirm and move, giving birth and then giving that child to another woman. I can't imagine being emotionally detached enough. Legally the child would be mine, and it would be terrible to be in the situation of changing your mind and the wrangle that would inevitably follow.

Egg · 22/07/2008 09:19

I have always thought I would like to do it, I think it would be easier if it was someone else's eggs implanted (as would be the situation with your friend), rather than you being inseminated and the baby being biologically yours. I would not want to do it now as could not face being pregnant while my own DC are as young as they are, but I think I would do it for a great friend (or my sister if she had needed it) in a few years.

My bestest friend is yet to start trying for a family but I would pretty much do anything to help her if she needed it.

Not sure DH would let me though.

Original poster

MrsSylar · 22/07/2008 09:20

Would the child be legally yours Lou, if genetically it wasn't yours? I thought that if the surrogate was just an "incubator" so to speak, and didn't have any biological relationship with the foetus, then the parents retained all rights and responsibilities

OP posts:

TrinityRhino · 22/07/2008 09:21

I know that I couldn't carry a child and then give it away
even though it could be absolutely nothing to do with my eggs or my dhs sperm
I still could not do it at all
I@m not strong enough

titchy · 22/07/2008 09:31

MrsSylar- yes the child is legally the surrogate's - she is on the birth cert. as the mother, often with the father being the partner of the woman for whom you are carrying the child. That woman then has to adopt the baby. Which is how it can so often go wrong when the surrogate isn't prepared to give the baby up . Thee's no need for a genetic link otherwise chidlren conceived from egg donation wouldn't have their mothers being their mothers IYSWIM.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 22/07/2008 09:37

Well well I didn't know that Titchy. How strange for all involved.

bethoo · 22/07/2008 09:44

if it was not genetically mine i could do it.

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