would you be a surrogate?

[MrsSylar]

My best friend has been ttc to 5 years. She has had numerous cycles of IVF which have resulted in 3 pregnancies, all miscarried at about 7 weeks.

She is now undergoing loads of different (and expensive) tests to find out if there is an obvious cause.

Her consultant has not mentioned surrogacy to her, as they don't know if that would be necessary or indeed make any difference. However, it may end up being an option.

She has about 12 fertilized embryos in a freezer somewhere, waiting to be implanted.

She has been my best friend for 20 years and I love her dearly.She desperately desperately wants a baby.
I find pregnancy very easy, and my labours have been fast and not that bad.
I found myself thinking the other day that if she was told surrogacy might help her have her own baby, would I offer to do it.

I keep thinking about it. Maybe I would offer. What do you think?

In my head I think I could do the giving away bit (as I really don't think I would end up feeling as if the baby was mine), but what I think would be hard would be explaining it to people. Like work colleagues, or casual mums at school who I don't really know but who if they saw I was pregnant would come up and have a chat iykwim.
I mean, what would you say?

Agree you need to really go into this in huge detail. It's not simply about loaning out your womb for 9 months. What if the baby has a disability and the mother-to-be wants to terminate? YOU'D have to go through that - especially bad if a near term termination. What if the baby is born with a disability and the mother-to-be rejects it? What is she somehow became pregnant when you were and changed her mind out wanting the baby? What if theh pregnancy caused your health to suffer? What if your consultant said it owld be best for your health to deliver the baby very early with all the associated risks to the baby - would your friend agree? There's so much more to this than a kind gesture....

What a toughy... I would like to be able to do it, (what a fantastic gift to give to someone!!) but I know I couldn't go through labour again (mine weren't easy). For me to consider it, it would have to be complete surrogacy where the baby was genetically the couple's and not mine.

No, I could never be a surrogate for a friend, no matter how close.

For my own daughters or sister, yes, but otherwise, no way.

"It should also be noted that, at present, the law does not recognise surrogacy as a binding agreement on either parties. There is very little the intended parents can do to secure their position prior to the birth, even in the case of gestational surrogacy where the baby is genetically related to both intended parents and not the surrogate."

Yeah, it really is right. It would be fraught with complications, and also it is that nature/ nurture debate. Does being biologically linked necessarily make her the mother, or is it the carrying of the child? A bit like a reverse IVF.

i could but only for sister or sister in law, infact have already offered and they are discussing it now, but it would have to be her eggs otherwise they can just pick one of my brood now if they want !!!!!

Seriously it is a complicated area that needs lots of thought and preperation, and my hubby is still not convinced and I would need his 100% backing.
Good Luck x