Do I keep my baby 37 single and scared

[Karatekittens09]

Looking for advice/guidance — keeping my baby as a single mum
I’m 37 and have recently found out I’m pregnant. I’m only around 5 weeks, so I have a lot to think about and I’m feeling incredibly anxious about whether I can realistically make this work.
The baby’s dad and I are no longer together. The relationship wasn’t healthy and we’ve decided to separate. He has said he wants to support me and the baby, but he doesn’t earn a huge amount himself, so realistically I don’t think I can rely on him financially to make everything work.
My financial situation is a bit complicated. I currently have around £97,000 in savings, but my income is relatively low. I’m a casual support worker and usually earn around £1,200 a month, sometimes a little more depending on how many shifts I get.
I’m also currently living with my mum, who is unwell, and I know I need to find somewhere else to live regardless. If I continue with the pregnancy, I’d need to get a home for myself and the baby. I could potentially look at shared ownership as a way of getting a roof over our heads without using all of my savings, but I’m worried about what help I would actually be entitled to because I have substantial savings.
I know I have savings, but I’m worried about the fact that my monthly income is so low and whether I could actually afford the mortgage/rent, bills, childcare and everything else that comes with raising a baby alone.
I’m trying to work out whether there is a realistic way of making this work rather than making a decision based purely on panic.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar position — particularly single mums who had low income but savings, or anyone who understands what financial support is available in the UK when you have savings.
I’m not looking for judgement about the situation or my relationship with the dad. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and would really appreciate some practical experiences and guidance about whether this is financially manageable and what options I should be looking into.

Put your info on entitled to website but I'd be very surprised you'd get any benefits with those savings, the limit is 16k I think.

Do you want to be a mother? Because realistically, this is your one and only chance. If you've always hoped for children then keep this baby.

If you didn't want children then what's the plan? Termination?

Financially you will be fine. You have a huge amount in savings compared to the majority of people. Presumably enough for a deposit on a shared ownership property. You should be able to get UC to boost your income once you have the baby if your monthly income is too low.

The pp is correct that you won't get any help as long as you have those savings. Which is why it would make far more sense to use them to purchase a roof over your head. How on earth have you managed to accumulate so much on such low wages and what are you saving for, if not a home?

Why are you working so little at the moment? Could you stay at your mum's until the child is at nursery and you can go back and work more hours? You have a huge amount of savings so quite fairly won't be entitled to anything. If you want a child, this is probably your only realistic chance. If you don't, or are on the fence, maybe not.

If you use those savings to buy a place you might be entitled to something (I do not know the specifics on your income).

I got pregnant at 37 too and decided to go it alone, it has been hard and of course I have had to make a lot of adjustments to my life (as most parents do) but I am so happy I did now, my child is (somewhat crazy but) amazing!! I do have family nearby which has been a huge help, will your mum be able to help out a bit with childcare sometimes? If your ex is also wanting to be involved to that is a plus.

Which area of the country do you live in. In cheaper areas you could buy a2 bed flat for around 80000. I would think that would be a legitimate way to reduce your savings as you are living with your mum with a baby on the way.
Your income is low but I'm not sure if you would get help with rent because of your savings.
You may be eligible for UC on your income with a baby to provide for.
If you live in an expensive area of course the solution above won't work for you. 🤔

OP, it is very logical to think about finances but wanting to be a parent is a much more complex decision. If you want a baby, I think you should have this one. If not, as you say, you have plenty of time. There are lots of people in very good financial situations who find parenting awful, as Mumsnet demonstrates, and many people who have no regrets about having children in less than ideal circumstances.

I was 37 when I had my daughter and from the moment she was born I became content with how life had worked out. I think part of me was thinking I wouldn't have the opportunity to be a mum and I do love it. Life with a newborn is exhausting but I have zero regrets. Only you can say how you feel. Your ex sounds like a potentially positive co-parent and you have savings. You sound like you would be fine if this is what you want.

OP, I don't know where you live but could you use the majority of your savings to buy a 2 bed house, putting the rest on a mortgage? Leave yourself £10,000 in savings. Look to increase your hours.

After maternity leave, you will get child benefit. While your baby is still very small, you could rent the second bedroom to a house mate to provide some extra income. There are plenty of people looking.

Oh bless you

Well, the first thing is - do you want to be a mum? If you do then, I think that this is your baby!

I agree that you wouldn't be entitled to any support re benefits but could still try and apply for a council home?

What's your mum's circumstances? Why do you have to move out? Is it just you and her?

Do you know what, bloody ADHD, I typed the first part and then got distracted

So, yes, you know you'll be a single mum. I am!

Do you have other family? What support is there? Time to get organised girl!

Buying things, you can buy all second hand and rely on gifts from friends if they're available

You WILL get child benefit. I think that the healthy start vouchers are available regardless of savings?

Can you sort out additional work for the next 6 months? If you can stay hom, statutory maternity pay will tide you over for a while

Can you ask the father for money? If he's not completely awful and uninvolvable, definitely tell him that you need financial support.

But - if you just don't want to be a mum - there is zero shame in abortion. You have to do right for you.

But as a mum who became one in shite circumstances - you will find a way to make it work! Just stay off Molly Mae's Instagram, she'll make you feel bad!

Thank you all so much for you kind replies. I just went to view a property which is shared ownership so I could realistically get out of my living situation for now. My mum in not very well so I couldn’t stay here for much longer regardless and it isn’t fun living in a bedroom in the sticks at this age. I have been incredibly fortunate to save the amount I have but sadly my hours doing support work is only zero at the moment. I just worry about affording bills and childcare etc and then worrying if I’ll even be able to manage mentally and physically doing it all alone. The ex is an hour away but he said he would help out but he is quite frankly a bit of a narc and control freak and I worry he will criticize my parenting etc. I don’t want to give it up and seeing the house has really made me feel like this is something I could do even if I only own 30% as it would keep my costs relatively low. I know kids are expensive but I have a lot of love to give and I have never had a true purpose or direction and I feel maybe this could be it ??

It doesn’t sound like the best circumstances to bring a child into, but only you can make that decision. As for not having a purpose, I don’t know that that should be the reason to have a child.

I wish I could get more hours but I’m on zero hours I keep asking but until we get more clients that’s all they can give me sadly

Look for other jobs now, you’d be much better off with stable hours and employment and you’d be able to properly provide for your baby. If you can get the shares ownership property then you’ll be a in a really good position, you’d get top up from UC and help with childcare.

Will I still get help with UC having the savings I do ?? I could look for other work but not sure how quick that could be

No you won’t get any help from UC with those savings, the limit is £16k. If you buy a property with it though then you should get some UC help once savings are under the £16k.

No. If you have more than £16k in savings you are not entitled to claim UC.

If you have between £6k and £16k you may be able to claim something, but it will be limited.

All things considered I’d terminate op

Hi OP. unsure if it’s okay to say, but congratulations on your surprise pregnancy.

I would recommend getting into a different paid job now, so that when you are in your 15th week (this is what they use to work out your maternity pay at most places) that you are entitled to it. Check each employers individual rules though as some only pay maternity after a 3 month probationary period, and you won’t have been there 3 months before your 15th week (I think they call it the entitlement week or something, sorry my DD is 6 so I forget!)
in terms of getting into your home, do so ASAP and then look at what’s left. UC will expect you to work consistently, and if you’re not working they’ll want to know why. You’ll be able to get a top up once your savings go below £16k but as others have said, it may be limited until it’s below £6k.

If you’re working, with potentially say £30k in savings, you’ll be fine anyway without the top up. You’ll find very cheap ways of keeping you and the baby afloat unless you wish for a lavish lifestyle.
it won’t be easy but hopefully this helps in a way. You will work out what’s right for you, wishing you all the luck in the world x

PS re the dad- if he does have MH/ abusive history please remember if dad is on the birth certificate he will have more rights than if he isn’t. Equal measure, if he’s on the bc you can get maintenance. I’ll say no more on that though x

I think you would regret not keeping this baby. Use the money as a deposit for a house but keep some aside. You will get benefits and help from the father. You will be absolutely fine, congratulations on your pregnancy and getting rid of your controlling partner. Life will be great! You meet loads of people as a new mum .

Is the dad the type to disappear and leave you to it or stay in your life making you and a child miserable for 18+ years? Who you have a baby with makes the biggest possible difference to what your experiences of motherhood and parenting are like.

Your set up isn’t at all stable so if you decide to have the baby I’d prioritise sorting as much of that out as possible as fast as possible. I’m sorry your mum is so poorly and you’re in this dilemma.

Maybe I can hide it somewhere I don’t know how accurate they are in looking into accounts etc it’s a big worry x

Don’t do that. It’s benefit fraud.

To be honest I think the most worrying aspect is the father who you've said is toxic and controlling and narcissistic but wants to be in the child's life. Do you want to be connected to him forever? Do you really think this man is a suitable father? Would you be happy giving your baby up for 50% of the time to this man?

I'm guessing the answer to all that is no. In which case it would not be fair or sensible to have this baby.

You may meet someone else to have a child with. This isn't your only chance. Having babies is hard. Don't make it harder by choosing to have one with a man you know it's a good person.

Why should you be able to hide it to get money off the government you're not entitled too. Pay your way like the rest of us.

You really shouldn’t do that. They do proper checks at random times and if you’re found to be committing fraud to get UC you could be in a lot of trouble. That won’t help your baby.

Finances aside. Do you want to be tied to that man for the rest of your life? For him to have control over you through your child for the rest of your life?

If you don't think he is a great man, if you do not think he would be a brilliant father and someone you can be friends with through thick and thin. Then I would advise against it.

The best advice I have to any woman is to be so very selective over who you have a child with. Very very few improve with fatherhood, most become much worse versions of whatever fault they had to start with.