Do I keep my baby 37 single and scared

[Karatekittens09]

Looking for advice/guidance — keeping my baby as a single mum
I’m 37 and have recently found out I’m pregnant. I’m only around 5 weeks, so I have a lot to think about and I’m feeling incredibly anxious about whether I can realistically make this work.
The baby’s dad and I are no longer together. The relationship wasn’t healthy and we’ve decided to separate. He has said he wants to support me and the baby, but he doesn’t earn a huge amount himself, so realistically I don’t think I can rely on him financially to make everything work.
My financial situation is a bit complicated. I currently have around £97,000 in savings, but my income is relatively low. I’m a casual support worker and usually earn around £1,200 a month, sometimes a little more depending on how many shifts I get.
I’m also currently living with my mum, who is unwell, and I know I need to find somewhere else to live regardless. If I continue with the pregnancy, I’d need to get a home for myself and the baby. I could potentially look at shared ownership as a way of getting a roof over our heads without using all of my savings, but I’m worried about what help I would actually be entitled to because I have substantial savings.
I know I have savings, but I’m worried about the fact that my monthly income is so low and whether I could actually afford the mortgage/rent, bills, childcare and everything else that comes with raising a baby alone.
I’m trying to work out whether there is a realistic way of making this work rather than making a decision based purely on panic.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar position — particularly single mums who had low income but savings, or anyone who understands what financial support is available in the UK when you have savings.
I’m not looking for judgement about the situation or my relationship with the dad. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and would really appreciate some practical experiences and guidance about whether this is financially manageable and what options I should be looking into.

No, no you can't. Live off it til you can claim.

Surely the advice should be "live off it till you can get a better job"!

I think you should put finances to one side and instead consider what your ex would be like as a father. I had a dreadful father but thankfully he was almost entirely absent. If he's going to make you and the potential child live a life of misery, that's not worth it.

My situation is similar but different!😆 I had my DD at 42 (no probs at all and it was decided that despite me being a geriatric, I didn’t need a consultant-led pregnancy) and I was still with the dad for a while. The difference is that I had already paid my mortgage off (I have a tiny house!) I was on a very low wage and no family able to help me. I’ve always had around 30k of savings that I’ve kept for many years. Sometimes I’ve need to take out but I always manage to put back, even if it takes a little while.

Not sure how shared ownership works but you’re still young enough to have a long term on your mortgage. I would err on the side of caution and always keep savings in your bank. Try a modest house (like a starter home size) and put a big deposit down and I think you’ll be fine. Care work will always be around and this will increase, not decrease. I think if you balance this right, you’ll be just fine. It’s scary but it will be ok if you’re sensible. Enjoy your baby, it’s the most amazing time.

Would your child pick you?

What do you have to offer a child? Short term, long term?

This is what you should consider.

This is not a planned pregnancy. You describe the child's father negatively - and they will always be the child's father, no matter what.

If you have a child, that child's welfare should your primary consideration - as far as you can manage it.

If I was you, I wouldn’t go ahead with this pregnancy. You split with your EX for very good reason, by keeping this baby you’ll forever be tied to him. You’re not in a good financial position to house yourself and the baby. Childcare fees are astronomical. I’d end the pregnancy and get yourself into a better position. Sort a house and a better job. By which time you could have met someone else who is worth having a baby with. Being a single mum is really hard. Being connected to a dreadful EX will make it ten times harder. You’ve potentially got another 8 years to have a baby, that’s plenty of time to do things very differently.

Don't hide your savings. Buy a place to live. At 37 if you want children this is your chance and it may not come again. However could you cope with the father of the child going forward if he wants to be involved in their life?

If you moved up North you could buy a 2 bedroom house outright. Then you could claim UC to live on if you could not get another job. Once DC is born you'd get child benefit and the Dad should pay some maintenance every month. You'd probably be able to get another job if you moved before baby was born.

Dear OP,
Sending you so much love 🫂
I think in your situation I would probably not carry on with the pregnancy.
You currently need to resolve your finances, and your housing, and most importantly, the father is no good and you'd be tying yourself to him for life, and giving him access to you and some limited forms of control over you for the next eighteen years.

Age is a factor, but this doesn't have to be your only chance.
Sort out your housing. Sort out your job. By then you may have found a man who you want to be with and who you want to have and raise a child with. If not, you could consider a donor.

Don't have a baby now, with this man, just because you are panicked about your options and your time. You are worth so much more than that.

Only you know what is right for you, but really, really think about this OP. Good luck ❤️

You will be tied to this man for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter that he is an ex. He can really make your life hell. And he will ruin your child, think about what life you will inflict on this child.

I definitely wouldn't want to be tied to such a man. Or have him in your child's life forever. Would you not prefer to meet someone kind & caring to have kids with? Financially I think you are doing ok. Also what about your Mum.. Will someone else be able to look after her or will she be abandoned in ill health?

The Dad needs to pay for his own child. End of.

Why would you hide it? You have the means to put a deposit down- why are you trying to protect your savings over everything? What are you saving for? You need to use those savings to help house yourself before your expect the government/tax payer to help you.

Update on hiding nearly 100K savings and "poor me, I'm on zero hours" without indication to go for other jobs, makes me think it's a wind up post.

Um no you definitely cannot do that! It's fraud and you could go to prison FFS.
If you buy a property and use all your savings you'd be entitled to UC but not towards your mortgage payments so you'd have to earn enough to cover them regardless. I'm not clear why this is the only work you're currently doing? Prior to finding out you were pregnant did you not consider looking for any other full time employment? You could do that now but it would affect how much maternity pay you were entitled to (though you won't be entitled to much from your current employer either)

Shared ownership is a great way forward. It also gives you security as it means you can’t be asked to move. It’s a great foot on the ladder, minimizing rent.

Use your 90k as a cash buyer so you're mortgage free and only paying rent on a shared ownership property.

keep 6k back as an emergency pot

Where do you live?

You only need a small flat or tiny house

time to look for a care job which can offer set hours

OP - this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make personally - and despite being in a loving relationship (and having wayyyy less savings!) I kept the baby because I wanted to, but became a single mum over a year later due to the man.

I want to highlight that as mums that want our children, we make it work. I think it’s when you don’t want the pregnancy or the child that I would think twice - because you don’t want regret.

If you want to be a mum and the idea of the baby fills you with a little bit of excitement (even though it’s scary and there is lots of planning to do), then maybe you have your answer. If you want to look at options and see how they make you feel (don’t bring the dad along, as this decision is about you), then do so.

I’ve seen PP comments about red flags with your ex, and I want to remind you to be strong and not to put up with his BS. Coparenting and shared parenting with a bad man is another battle, but look into your rights and protections - and make sure you set boundaries for yourself. Don’t let him in your life, but you can monitor what he is like as a dad - and let him into the child’s life.

Get your support network together too. It’s an emotional time.

But also deal with the practicalities of where you will live, if you can get your savings down from purchasing a place, think about how much you will have left and how much runway that will give you - as realistically you will be taking 1 year out and maybe another few years rebalancing yourself as baby gets older and you find your work routine.

I do know women that have ended up with jobs during pregnancy - is there anything out there or is there a way you can speak to your existing employer about hours and contracts?

It is scary, but as a single parent, that has a small network of other single parents, we somehow make it work.

Sorry but reminding someone to "be strong and not put up with his BS" is extremely inadequate advice in relation to an abusive and controlling man with whom you're actively choosing to have a child and who has told the OP he wants to be involved in the child's life. She will be forced to put up with some level of his BS for the rest of her life through the child. Parenting doesn't stop at 18. And she may have to share custody with him 50/50 which requires significant involvement.

You have £97,000 in savings and think you need help from the Government?! Shocking.

Thank you for your reply. I can’t decide if I keep it and I need to decide today or tomorrow really latest. I have woken up and I am so exhausted and I just dread the fact I’ll not be able to be at home with the baby and forced to work just to keep a roof over our heads. I might end up with a work contract but that would mean working alternative weekends too and unsure if child care would be a thing then. It’s all a mess. I don’t know if I can find a job that quickly either. The house is only 30% ownership but would be a roof over my head I guess. But hard stories how hard it is to sell etc. the dad is very hard work and can be quite critical so this worries me being tired to him also.

That would be fraud.