I’m scared to be happy in this pregnancy

[Beautifulnectarine1992]

Hi, this will probably be a long one but I need somewhere safe just to let it all out..

I am 33 years old, I have a son who is 8 years old and a partner who has taken on my son and they have an amazing bond (Partner has no kids of his own)

back in 2024 we decided to look into having our own family, my partner has a brain injury from being attacked on a night out so we went to gp to ask for checks etc, all came back clear but it was my weight that was the issue, I decided to go on mounjaro and I lost 5.5 stone and was able to get tablets to help me ovulate (letrozole) .. after 6 cycles I fell pregnant but unfortunately the pregnancy ended in miscarriage just before 8 weeks after lots of back and forth either EPAU and I lost myself completely with this (I also had a miscarriage before my son)

I found out I am pregnant again 10 days ago and today I am 5 weeks.

I have contacted EPAU for some early appointments but I cannot seem to trust that everything will be ok and I feel miserable over it. I do have the symptoms of sore boobs, feeling nauseous, over indulging etc but when I get cramps (feels like my period is starting) I am absolutely petrified and it’s putting my mind into overdrive.

does anyone have any tips to help me keep my brain occupied until I have my first scan next Wednesday.

Sorry for the long post I just don’t have anyone to speak to as I don’t want others to know and my partner just doesn’t understand x

Firstly congratulations! I'm pregnant after 2 miscarriages so know how you feel (I'm 29 weeks now). I found just distracting myself was best in the early weeks, I watched every rom com I could find on Netflix! I booked a private scan for 8 weeks as I wanted to make sure that it would be extremely clear whether the pregnancy was viable or not. I've had 2 missed miscarriages before this pregnancy and early scans unfortunately weren't definitive so it took weeks to know for certain whether the pregnancy was viable or not.

Also, theres a lovely supportive thread full of women who've been in your position. I'd really recommend you join us as it's been so nice having people to talk to who actually understand.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5531298-pregnancy-after-loss?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

PP has covered it. Previous loss ruins joy, apparently — I am 33 weeks and still feel like I’m just hanging on grimly until he can be born.