Reasonable to decline work travel and evening events at 31 weeks pregnant?

[HettyMeg]

Work travel during pregnancy

I work remotely most of the time and need a fairly long train journey to get to London for meetings and events. I'm usually expected to attend an annual dinner and this year I'll be 31 weeks pregnant.

I'm only in the 2nd trimester now but thinking I won't feel up to the dinner with the hours of travel and then a late night having to look after clients while sober!

Is it reasonable to decline work events at this stage of pregnancy given the travel required and tiredness etc?

Do you have any more tips ? I would like to take notes

Can you say yes, but with a health warning that obviously you’ll have to pull out if you’re not up to it?

I would have been totally fine doing that at 31 weeks pregnant but many people could not. And there’s no way of knowing now how you’ll be getting on - total luck as far as I can make out whether you have pgp etc.

I don’t think you should decline it now, but I wouldn’t look askance at a team member of mine pulling out of something like this at 31 weeks pregnant. I went on maternity leave at 34 weeks with my second and by 31 weeks I was dead on my feet. I was with my first as well but too stupid to admit it (severe SPD - routinely got stuck because I couldn’t move my feet). So see how you go. You might find it manageable but if you don’t I don’t think anyone should hold it against you.

How long a train journey? I commuted into London every day until 38 weeks, before the days of remote working. My journey was 1.75 hours each way ( if trains ran smoothly), you just get on with it.

You need to go to meetings, not so much the events.

I wasn’t able to manage the events like that after about 30’weeks and certainly not the travel

If it is part of your normal working life then you should be attending or alternatively start maternity leave, there’s a reason you can start it early if you feel working is too much. Leaving at 10pm is reasonable if you have a hotel nearby

Pretty sure I went out with my mates when I was 31 wks pregnant so seems a bit implausible you couldn’t manage a work night out. You might not want to go and that’s fair enough, but wouldn’t assume you would be physically incapable!

You're having a moment of negativity - ignore it. It's not real - you're just building it up on your head.

It's OK to not go if you don't feel well on the day, but I don't think it's OK to cop out of an event you're expected to attend once a year just be use you are pregnant and you might not feel up to it.

You don't know how you'll feel. You might get a surge of energy and welcome a chance to socialise. Plan for the event, travel to London and see his you feel on the day.

It’s your call. I’d be wary of assuming pregnancy will stop you doing things especially at only 31 weeks. I just cracked on as normal. But it’s also a good excuse for getting out of things you don’t want to do.

Of course you'll be fine!

Depends how you are at the time. I had severe SPD and anaemia and could barely walk without horrific pain from the start of third tri. People saying pregnancy is not a disability - your experience is not everyone else’s.

See how you feel. I couldn't walk more than 10m in pregnancy 1 at 31 weeks. With my 2nd it would have been fine. Accept and decline closer to the time if needed.

Yes, me too, first pregnancy with maternity leave from 6 months I was like a beached whale at 31 weeks. Second pregnancy with a toddler and moving house two weeks before birth I was raring to go! Try not to commit until nearer the time then see how you feel.

So many people on here completely lacking in empathy. Some pregnancies are easy, some are not. Hidden disabilities exist and can be exacerbated by pregnancy. I don’t know why people think good health is some kind of moral achievement and everyone else should just try harder.

OP, I’m 32 weeks now and feeling fine most days, but some days the heat wipes me out totally. “Feeling fine” depends on me managing my health by going to bed at the same time as my toddler so I couldn’t manage this event. You know your own body.

I travelled to London from Cornwall on the train for a 3 day workshop I was running when I was 34 weeks pregnant with my first. To be fair though I had easy pregnancies and loved being pregnant, plus my colleagues and attendees were all lovely and made sure I wasn’t doing too much. I went again heavily pregnant (can’t remember how far, but he was born at 33 weeks so before that!) with my second, to a conference, and that was again absolutely fine. Neither thing involved late nights though, I would say til 10/11pm you’d probably be fine, but of course everyone is different. If you don’t want to go, I would accept and then decline nearer the time rather than plan not to go - it just looks better somehow.

I have not gone to anything since 10 weeks. Depends on your pregnancy and your managers/team.

It would have been wild to me to decline travel like that and a meal out at 31 weeks, you’ve basically written yourself off for 2 months. But I did have a relatively easy pregnancy, exercised daily and was dancing at a gig at 38 weeks so I had the luxury of just cracking on with life with a bump in tow.

I think the bigger question is how will you do all this with a baby?

sorry but how is that relevant? My partner can look after the baby when I need to go to a work event overnight in London.. He couldn’t take my belly off, so I can “socialise” for 3h in a pub when I was 31 weeks pregnant. OP says she has long commute to London. Mine is 4h each way and my managers absolutely refused making me go to any events/team days there after telling them I am pregnant.. They recognised how difficult that will be to do in the working week without me having to use annual leave etc. Getting up at 3-4am to be there for 9 am to then not get to the hotel until midnight, and then get up at 3-4 am again go get back home for the next work day. It can be exhausting in the third trimester and if OP thinks she won’t be able to handle it now, she is probably right.

You think its implausible that OP won't feel up to it because you felt ok at 31 weeks?

Because I worked right up to my due date with my first, no bother. Was at a wedding in 4 inch heels the night before my water broke with my second. By my third baby I could barely put one foot in front of the other by the time I was 7 months!

You just never know how the pregnancy will unfold or how you will feel.

And as for the women 'internally rolling their eyes'. That's just quite unkind and made me feel a bit sad to read it. We have no idea what anyone is going through.

I would only decline now if you think declining would be fine anyway, like

• not everyone has to go every year
• you have been often in recent years
• it's useful if some people stay back to keep the office/other work ticking along

Basically if it would be really ok not to go, and you are letting them know early that you'd like to not.

If it more like you should go, but your pregnancy might mean you weren't well enough to go, then 31 weeks isn't that near the end and you'll probably still be fine to travel. Planning not to do something you should do and probably will be fine to do, looks lazy. Obviously though, remind them you will be quite pregnant so might not be up to travelling.

There's no reason go not go, unless you are actually ill.

Most people would be fine to do this at 31weeks, so I wouldn't decline yet. If it is really optional and you might consider not going anyway then I wouldn't go but I would probably think of a different reason.

With 2nd child I was self employed. I was working until a few hours before she was born . Very easy birth which midwife attributed to me being so active. I would see how your pregnancy progresses before declining. At 31 weeks there is still a way to go.