Reasonable to decline work travel and evening events at 31 weeks pregnant?

[HettyMeg]

Work travel during pregnancy

I work remotely most of the time and need a fairly long train journey to get to London for meetings and events. I'm usually expected to attend an annual dinner and this year I'll be 31 weeks pregnant.

I'm only in the 2nd trimester now but thinking I won't feel up to the dinner with the hours of travel and then a late night having to look after clients while sober!

Is it reasonable to decline work events at this stage of pregnancy given the travel required and tiredness etc?

Not at all unreasonable. I was waddling around at 31 weeks absolutely shattered. I couldnt have done travel like that.

I think that’s fairly reasonable but it depends on how it will be perceived, where you are in your career and what your career aspirations are. Also what your general fitness and energy levels are like.

When I had my DC I was still keen to progress my career and do what was expected. But with the benefit of hindsight I wish I’d not bothered!

I would do the journey and dinner and then have a lovely early night in the hotel room and get some extra sleep.

That sounds nice but it isn't that sort of thing where you can get away early, it's a dinner plus awards ceremony that lasts until at least 10pm but can run over.

Genuinely, you could go to bed after the dinner, but I appreciate you might prefer to avoid it altogether.

Depends how much you care about your career and how important this event is. I think it’s a bit unreasonable to decline it now when you don’t even know how you’ll feel then, most people feel fine and still go into their non WFH jobs every day at that stage. I was still attending evening client events and travelling overseas at 31 weeks and I was still going into the office at 38 weeks as I felt fine so unless someone was having an especially difficult pregnancy I’m not sure I would find it reasonable for them to decline on this basis ahead of time. Obviously wouldn’t say anything to them but I would roll my eyes internally a bit.

I would have gone but I had an easy pregnancy. I did a whole day of Xmas shopping (carrying all the bags) the week before my due date amongst other things. Would be different with a difficult pregnancy.

You're pregnant; not sick. You don't have to make the decision now. See how you feel at that time; you may be feeling great by then.

Yes, but the way to play it is to accept and make as if you plan to go, then tell them on the day that you are not well enough to come in.
It sounds illogical but believe me, that way no one will question it whereas if you decline in advance you can guarantee someone will remark on it or think you are being neurotic etc.

A further top tip for later - tell work you are ill, not your baby, most of the time… you get sick leave, your baby doesn’t…

I would go. I’ve had pretty complicated pregnancies too. You’ll be tired but it’s not the end of the world. Just go to bed by midnight.

I was at a work dinner 33/34 weeks pregnant before finishing up with Mat leave for my second. I was still attending swimming lessons 10 days overdue as it happens with the same baby. My first I worked till 38+2 and went into labour the next day. I do tend to just get on with things though, I have difficult starts to my pregnancies but don’t generally feel too horrendous the 3rd trimester. Same as pp I’d probably roll my eyes internally if you said this to me.

Mate, the last one of those things I went to I left after the first course. I was annoyed that the company that invited me put me on a separate table from their exec leaders with a bunch of suppliers who were totally irrelevant to me.
You can totally please headache and leave early while pregnant.

Yeah I would do this : act as though you will be going and see how you feel nearer the time.

I was going in to my non WFH job at 31 weeks but it wasn’t easy, I had SPD and was really in quite a lot of pain by the last couple of months and struggling to walk. A trip on the train to London would have been pretty impossible.

I would wait and see nearer the time but I think “internally eye rolling” is very unkind, especially from women who have been pregnant! Nobody knows what kind of pregnancy they’re going to have and it is different for each woman.

I think 31 weeks is early to generally decline. With my daughter I was fine at that stage. With my son I was never fine. It’s super random. If you intend to go back
to this job and this event is important, it’s likely possible to go - you might want to ask if you can go down the day before, stay in a hotel for 2 nights and come back the day after. But also you might not be able to when it comes down to it and that’s fine too.

Being pregnant is not a disability. Unless you have a difficult pregnancy and associated issues I would expect you to attend. And I write as someone who had a 10lb 4oz baby at 37 weeks…

I think it is reasonable to decline, as long as it is now and not last minute. As you note, not something you can leave early.

It is not formally a disability, but some pregnancies can be disabling. This sort of John Bull nonsense helps nobody.

It may be reasonable to stop evening events, but traveling in for meetings at 31 weeks is totally reasonable surely? Commuting for work is pretty standard.

OP has said nothing to indicate the pregnancy is disabling

You might get a lot of fuss made of you and extra care - I went to events quite obviously pregnant in a former career and liked the attention!

I did however attend a night away event when my son was about 3 months old (my choice, no pressure) and I definitely should not have gone to that still breastfeeding.

I went to something like this at about 36 weeks with DD1, and had a really good time. You might well be fine, assume you’re going and cancel later on if you’re not.

Actually, it feels like a disability to many women. I had back ache so bad, I couldn’t walk for more than 100m, from about 5/6 months. My friend had SPD and couldn’t move her legs independently of each other. Another friend was sick for the whole 9 months. These were not termed as difficult pregnancies, well within the bounds of normal. And the exhaustion…I did work till the day before each baby was born, but I don’t think I could have managed long train journeys.

Christ almighty

Personally, I would try and avoid unless your attendance is vital or it will genuinely affect your career (which it almost certainly won't) I worked up until 39 weeks with my first two, because mat leave was not as generous then, but went off at the first opportunity (11 weeks) with the last three, mainly because I had three or four others to sort. First pregnancy is quite golden in some regards if you don't feel ill. Nobody expects much of you, dinner, early close, then a nice hotel room, but if it does not suit, just duck out a couple of weeks before citing whatever it is that is making you not want to go. I think if you send the flare up now, you at a risk of sounding a bit flakey, but that is "old school talk", xx