Can I hope for a pregnancy at 42+?

[VereeViolet]

I’m looking for some stories, encouragement or maybe a reality check about getting pregnant at age 42 plus. My husband and I were married when I was 35, but for various reasons including Covid, moving countries, moving house, we didn’t start properly trying for children until I was 38.

At the time, I was hopeful as we were both healthy, I had regular cycles and it seemed like it should be possible for us. It didn’t work right away, but I started tracking my cycles and had the usual medical checks. Everything looked normal and after 11 months of nothing at all happening, I got pregnant. It was a textbook pregnancy and I had my beautiful daughter just after I turned 40.

I wanted to try for a second, and I knew my age would probably work against me so we started TTC again when my baby was 9 months old (I was almost 41). It’s been 11 months since then and, again, there has been no hint of a pregnancy whatsoever. I was hopeful that it might work in a reasonable time as I now know what I’m doing. I track LH spikes and EWCM. I know my expected ovulation dates (usually CD12-14). My luteal phase is 12+ days. I take 200mg ubiquinol, Pregnacare Max, and sometimes Vit C, Vit D and NAC. My husband and I are both at healthy weights and don’t have any medical issues.

I know that this not an ideal time to try to have children, but it is the only time I have so I’m trying to make it work. Everything has crept a year or two later than I planned. I’ll be 42 in October and I’m starting to feel like maybe I missed the boat. I always thought I would either struggle to get pregnant and have no children or it would work and I would have two. I didn’t expect to have an only child and it’s breaking my heart a little.

I feel sad that I might have missed my chance for two by just a year or so. My Mum had my sister at 41 and doing it around 40 seemed possible in my mind. The statistics that you read about pregnancy over 40 sound so awful though. I know they are population statistics and don’t necessarily apply to individuals but it’s hard to ignore them when they are everywhere. I’m going to keep trying for the time being, but I’m starting to lose hope. I know I should feel grateful for the baby I have as so many people struggle to even get one.

My next step is to go back the GP for more checks (probably should have done this before). I don’t think we want to go down the IVF route, but might try IUI if that was suggested. Am I crazy to hope for a second at my age? I know it happens for lots of people but are they just the lucky ones?

I feel sad about an only child because it’s not what I wanted or imagined. I came from a famiy with four siblings and I valued those relationships so I wanted to recreate it to some degree. My husband is an only child and says he liked it, so everyone has different perspectives.

I do wonder if this is the problem. We definitely had more sex conceiving our first, but only have so much energy these days with a busy life and toddler. Maybe time to prioritise

I suppose it’s because I’m not informed and thought that early 40s would still work. I had a baby that was less than a year old when I started and I have experience of my Mum having a baby at 41. I know I’m now almost a year older than that. I think the only thing to do is see a doctor and get their opinion about my chances either way.

Not for a while. That’s the next step

That’s about what I figured as well. A small study I saw reported that for women around the ages of 40-43, chance of conception was about 9% per month for those that had a previous child and just over 50% chance in 12 months like you say. In theory, that gives you reasonable odds over a few years. But that’s just theory of course.

This is what I believed as well. Natural fertility is one thing but IVF requires harvesting lots of eggs so you can have a good chance of them making it through every step of the process. People in their 40s tend to have fewer eggs, but it only takes one for a natural conception.

You should talk to a clinic. Your understanding isn’t quite right.

I think part of the reason people recommend going to IVF is that it can check for chromosomal abnormalities, which are more common as you get older.

I'm expecting my second at 41 after having my first at 39 - just didn't meet the right person earlier. I had an early loss right before this pregnancy which I assume was chromosomal.

Good luck OP, it's definitely possible but I would get all your hormone levels checked just so you know what you're working with.

Yes, I know chromosomal abnormalities are the big thing at this age and I can see the benefit of screening with IVF. It’s a frustrating thing to do with all the uncertainty. It wasn’t realistically possible for me before either so I am where I am and have to cope.

This is not correct and as someone who has already had a healthy natural pregnancy at an older age, the odds are significantly higher that IVF will work for you vs someone who has had fertility problems unrelated to age. It’s about finding one good egg while you still have good eggs and IVF will significantly speed up that process via collecting multiple eggs at once and if you choose it, genetic testing to implant only the ‘normal’ eggs so you are far less likely to suffer miscarriages and further delay your timeline. I had two children at 42 and 45 via IVF, from a single round of egg collection (no prior fertility issues I just left it late to have children due to other life circumstances).

I had my now 6 month old at 43. It was an incredibly bumpy TTC journey, but with elements of hope as well as despair and obviously a happy ending.

I had a surprise pregnancy at 39 whilst being a bit flaky at taking the pill, but sadly that ended in an early miscarriage, but it made me realise that I wanted to try properly. Cue 3 years of frustration and nothing bar a chemical pregnancy 20 months in. 3 years later - the same cycle in the year - I amazingly fell pregnant again, but again it ended in MC, on exactly the same day as my previous one. I thought it was a sign that I should stop, but thought I’d give myself until the end of the summer…then 3 months later ai finally got my sticky one!

I had my second at 43, a relative had one at 45, and a friend at 46 (after thinking it would never happen after being married for 17 years)! All conceived naturally, so you are not unreasonable in hoping. But if you really want one, rather than leaving it to Mother Nature, then maybe go see a fertility specialist.

Actually that’s funny as I put my details into AI, and it said my personal odds would be about 8% per cycle, so slightly higher than the 5% often stated. I know AI doesn’t get a lot perfectly right, but it was interesting. I also have late menopause’s in my family history, and surprise later pregnancies on my mums side. And I have a two year old. I was one of the younger in my antenatal group in London at 36 with my first pregnancy. There were a couple in mid forties - one natural conception, one IVF with own eggs and doner sperm

That’s interesting. I honestly haven’t looked into it that much so I’m definitely misinformed.

Hooray for you! I think a lot of it at this age is persevering as it usually takes longer, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I flit between hope and despair too. I was hopeful when I started (I was still 40 then). Now I’m edging into some despair about it. However, it took almost a year to conceive my first. It not working for quite a few months didn’t mean it would never work.

Yes, I think it’s time for some checks rather than hoping and wishing.

I had a baby on first attempt at (no assistance) conception at 43.

But it depends on the individual and the fact that you have been TTC and it is taking a while suggests that it might not be so easy. So...if you are considering assistance now would seem to be the time.

Yes, everyone says 5% but what is that even based on? It’s such a generic statistic that it mean almost nothing. Some people can’t get pregnant, and some do fairly easily even into their early 40s. I’m pretty happy with an 8% chance if that’s true. The vast majority would conceive in a year or two with that.

So lucky, I could only dream of it working instantly! It taking 11 months of (somewhat imperfect) trying doesn’t necessarily mean it can’t work, I know. It took 11 months with my first and then my pregnancy was perfect and my little girl is amazing. I know it’s wise to involve modern medicine now though.

After a long gap, dh and I decided to try for a baby just as I approached age 42. I spent six months getting fit and losing weight and topping up vitamins - I didn’t want to risk being a “geriatric” mum with a body that wasn’t ready for labour and looking after an infant. Then I came off birth control and I was pregnant four months later. We didn’t particularly time it; we just had extra sex around the middle of the month.

So … It can happen. In fact my community nurse suggested I should get a coil after ds2 was born, to stop any surprises!

Dh and I told ourselves that if it didn’t happen for us quickly we would stop before i turned and we wouldn’t be sad, we would just take that as nature’s message that it wasn’t meant to be.

I was really anxious until we got to the 20 week scan, but the pregnancy was textbook and my ds is healthy. I actually found it easier looking after a baby in my 40s as I am wealthier so I didn’t have to race back to work (took two years off).

I don’t know how to advise you; I’ve never approached pro-creation like a science class. My dh just wanted us to enjoy ourselves and see if we were blessed with a baby. I have had enough friends and acquaintances finding conception and early stages of pregnancy hard, to know that I have been luckier than average. I also have two friends who both “couldn’t conceive” and gave up full of despair, then they both fell pregnant almost right away and carried to term.

If you end up being a family of three - don’t feel guilty or sad. Let those feelings go and enjoy creating a “found family” of friendships for your dc.

Hello @VereeViolet wanted to say good luck and don't give up!

The beginning of my story is similar to yours, then it got a bit rocky: first child conceived within half year of beginning to TTC, gave birth at 39. Then struggled with secondary infertility, ended up with no diagnosis other than "most likely age", had 2 failed own eggs IVF cycles and now 32 weeks pregnant with donor egg IVF, my due date is 1 day before I turn 43.

I'm absolutely not saying that's what would happen in your case, in the past 2 years I've heard from so many ladies who conceived naturally or with minimal support well past 40. You are ovulating, so each month you get an egg that could be the one!

I agree with other comments: don't wait, act as soon as you can! And it's definitely worth getting checked as extensively as possible, including your uterus and fallopian tubes patency, I've learned that there can be issues as a result of past pregnancy that can be addressed, that weren't there earlier in life.

When it comes to IUI / IVF then I can pass on the advice I had from our consultant: apparently with no other factors, the main concern in the 40+ age group is the poor ratio of genetically normal eggs. And unfortunately IUI doesn't help with that, especially if you do ovulate and there are no male factor concerns: the aim of IUI is to have one egg released and just help it meet with sperm and have it all monitored; but the method cannot change the fact that it's far more likely for that one egg to be abnormal than healthy.

Because of that IVF was recommended to us; as the method to get more eggs from a single cycle, and thus a stronger chance of ending up with some healthy embryos. Didn't quite work out for us, but I still think this logic holds.

It's not a recommendation, although it may be worth discussing % success chances of each approach with your team if you are considering options.

Wishing you best of luck, keep positive!

Totally get this, IVF would never be an option for me, mainly financially but also the overall invasiveness. If it came to it though I would have looked into anything else that might have helped regulate hormones, stimulate ovulation etc.

Why would you think they could reduce your chances? Especially if you had that experience with the scan lube last time!
Regular lube is to be avoided as they are not designed to aid pregnancy but specific fertility lubes aim to make the vagina the best environment for sperm to survive and to give the sperm an extra boost in the right direction. Certainly no harm in trying I would say.
although while they did work for us, they didn't work for two family members who both eventually needed IVF to conceive but maybe as you've already conceived naturally once, it's got more chance of working in your favour 🤞🏻

Thank you for your kind words. I would like to try to do it more like you where I try happily and accept the outcome. I’ve been approaching it more like this is what I want and I need to control it maximally to make it happen. But you can’t control fertility of course.

I have so often heard stories of people giving up hope entirely and then immediately getting pregnant. Maybe it’s because you stop pressuring yourself. Maybe it just makes a good story.

All very interesting. I really need more information. I’ve been living in a fantasy world just hoping it would work again, but it’s not a good way to do it. Also, until recently, I didn’t particularly feel ready