Can I hope for a pregnancy at 42+?

[VereeViolet]

I’m looking for some stories, encouragement or maybe a reality check about getting pregnant at age 42 plus. My husband and I were married when I was 35, but for various reasons including Covid, moving countries, moving house, we didn’t start properly trying for children until I was 38.

At the time, I was hopeful as we were both healthy, I had regular cycles and it seemed like it should be possible for us. It didn’t work right away, but I started tracking my cycles and had the usual medical checks. Everything looked normal and after 11 months of nothing at all happening, I got pregnant. It was a textbook pregnancy and I had my beautiful daughter just after I turned 40.

I wanted to try for a second, and I knew my age would probably work against me so we started TTC again when my baby was 9 months old (I was almost 41). It’s been 11 months since then and, again, there has been no hint of a pregnancy whatsoever. I was hopeful that it might work in a reasonable time as I now know what I’m doing. I track LH spikes and EWCM. I know my expected ovulation dates (usually CD12-14). My luteal phase is 12+ days. I take 200mg ubiquinol, Pregnacare Max, and sometimes Vit C, Vit D and NAC. My husband and I are both at healthy weights and don’t have any medical issues.

I know that this not an ideal time to try to have children, but it is the only time I have so I’m trying to make it work. Everything has crept a year or two later than I planned. I’ll be 42 in October and I’m starting to feel like maybe I missed the boat. I always thought I would either struggle to get pregnant and have no children or it would work and I would have two. I didn’t expect to have an only child and it’s breaking my heart a little.

I feel sad that I might have missed my chance for two by just a year or so. My Mum had my sister at 41 and doing it around 40 seemed possible in my mind. The statistics that you read about pregnancy over 40 sound so awful though. I know they are population statistics and don’t necessarily apply to individuals but it’s hard to ignore them when they are everywhere. I’m going to keep trying for the time being, but I’m starting to lose hope. I know I should feel grateful for the baby I have as so many people struggle to even get one.

My next step is to go back the GP for more checks (probably should have done this before). I don’t think we want to go down the IVF route, but might try IUI if that was suggested. Am I crazy to hope for a second at my age? I know it happens for lots of people but are they just the lucky ones?

The consultant explained to me that the biggest risk to the baby with increasing maternal age is genetic abnormalities. Many of these are incompatible with life and so will result in early miscarriage. But he said that if the baby is genetically normal (as mine was) then actually the differences in baby outcomes by maternal age are substantially reduced (although not completely eliminated). He also explained that because I was healthy, normal weight, blood pressure, non- smoker etc etc - and importantly that my first pregnancy and labour at 40 had been free of any complications meant I was not considered to be high risk (I would have been under midwife care if it hadn't been for the rare completion). So I hope that is all reassuring as it sounds like you are in similar situation.

In terms of actually conceiving, I think all you can do is live a healthy lifestyle (your partner too), minimise alcohol, and have regular sex. My conception at 45 was not when I would have thought I could have conceived (hence no contraception) - I had a regular cycle and had tracked it for years, I thought I knew when I ovulated. But obviously not! So I would say to try throughout your cycle. And then it's a numbers game - in our 40s most of the eggs we produce may be 'abnormal' - there may be only one or two 'good' eggs a year. The fact I got pregnant without trying was just chance. That might have been my only decent egg that year for all I know. But hey, you've got to be in it to win it as they say! I hope it all works out for you.

I had a “surprise “ pregnancy at 44 apart from high blood pressure At the end no problems . I was very active at the time xo

Everyone's fertility is individual, but I had mine (both conceived naturally) at 39 (came off contraception at 37 - met DH relatively late in life, so took a while to get there) and 45. DH didn't want to try for our second until I was almost 42 (he'd read stories about celebrities having babies at 50 or whatever so thought we had loads of time no matter what I said). No whisper of any pregnancies at all, then fell pregnant at 44, baby arrived safe and healthy when I was 45 and will be starting school soon! Good luck xx

Yes, I’m staying the game for now! I do wonder if we’re maybe not covering enough of the month. We try to focus attempts around the fertile window according to my LH spikes/EWCM. Like every other day for a week. Hmmm

Awesome! I was very active at the time I conceived my first (walking and running mostly). These days I’m active in a different way (chasing and lifting a very busy toddler) but maybe I should be doing aerobic exercise. Just have to find the time…

My DH is similar. I’ve had to do some convincing. He acts like we have all the time in the world 🙄Good to know that it worked in the end!

I tried to do everything 'right' when trying to conceive my first. 5 years later I was heavier, hadn't exercised in a very long time, diet not ideal - too much sugar, work was stressful, wasn't taking any supplements, caffeine intake quite high....and yet I conceived without trying. So honestly I think there's only so much you can do. But I was healthy in that I hadn't had any illnesses, was more or less tee-total (although ironically had a couple of drinks at an event the month I conceived), ate lots of fruit and veg, I don't smoke, my thyroid levels were normal thanks to medication (this was probably what delayed my first conception as I was unaware I was hypothyroid until a blood test after trying for 6 months).

Fwiw I conceived much earlier than I'd have thought possible - it now makes me wonder if that's also where I went wrong with trying for my first, did I just have my 'window' all wrong 🤷‍♀️

It's worth a try - fwiw both of mine were conceived in an "off" month where we managed it two or three days before my fertile window opened but due to life/tiredness/busy etc didn't during the fertile window itself. 🤷‍♀️ unless by the time I was showing anything on the OPK it had already passed for some reason/a quirk in my make up so I was getting it wrong all the time - it's worth a try.

gave you tried fertility lubes? Each time I conceived we tried several months with no such and then conceived the very first month of using Conceive Plus. I know other have used preseed. It certainly worked for us.

Women have been having babies in their forties for time imemorial, but not one anecdote about someone else conceiving naturally in her forties will tell you a single thing about your own fertility.

It’s misguided to rule out IVF if you really want a second child. Have you even researched the costs? It’s not as much as you might think.

My son was born 5 days after my 43rd birthday. He was conceived on my second round of IVF (IUI didn’t work). I had only three viable embryos, all of which were transferred. I was generally very healthy and had no diagnosed reason for infertility other than age of eggs. IVF was by far the best way to maximise our chances against a rapidly-ticking clock.

Or, you could just make peace with having only one child. It comes across as a bit offensive to those of us with only children that you are so heartbroken at the prospect. Not to mention how it comes across to women who have not managed to have any children at all.

It’s tough, because you’ll hear stories from both sides.

I have two close friends who conceived easily at 40 and 41 respectively, but neither were able to have a second child (one tried for 4 years and never fell pregnant, the other had two early miscarriages at 42 and 44).

But I also have a friend who conceived ‘surprise!’ twins at 42, and another who has just had her third (naturally conceived) child at 47 (had her others at 36 and 40).

If you are healthy and doing all the right things, I guess you just have to be realistic
That it may or may not happen, and give yourselves a cut off point for when you might stop trying?

I have everything crossed for you. I am 40 and into 3rd cycle of trying.
I have 4 grown children and a previous stillborn . I am praying everyday it is not too late !!

I had dcs aged 38 and 42. With dc1 I tracked and used timed ttc with preseed, supplements and attempted using acupuncture for a bit (it didn't help and I got pg naturally months after I gave up on it). With dc2 I tried tracking for a bit and then got bored/exasperated with the process so just stopped thinking about it but didn't use any contraception, and then I got pg naturally, eventually.

I opted not to use ivf because the stats for success over 40 are so low (if using own eggs) that it felt like a waste of money, and I knew I wouldn't want to use donor eggs.

For me I wasn't desperate for dc2 (in fact when having dc1 we were going to be one and done, but then changed our minds). I had the philosophy that if it happened, that was great, but if it didn't then that's how it was meant to be. I had a cut off point for trying but then kept extending it as I figured it wasn't costing anything in money or effort just to have sex when we were going to anyway.

I've never had any miscarriages and it took over a year to conceive, so although I don't conceive easily, it always tends to stick if it happens.

The stats for successful IVF are low for over 40s but the stats for natural conception are obviously even lower.

Didn’t work for me - been trying since 40 (45 now). We are now using donor eggs transfer 2 later this month .

The only person I personally know who conceived after 42 used IVF.

I had a friend who got pg at 39 at first month of trying but despite trying very hard for a second, never conceived again and gave up at 45.

I think there is a big difference between 39 and early 40s. Nearly all women are effectively infertile by 45, only a tiny number of natural conceptions after that, so the drop off in fertility is pretty rapid as you progress through your 40s.

I'm younger than you but I only managed to get pregnant once I started having WAY MORE sex. Basically every other day after the end of my period and then every day starting about 5 days before my predicted ovulation and up until the day after ovulation

If you really want a second, why wouldn’t you just move straight to private IVF at your age (if you can afford it)? The odds will be significantly improved if as you say all your levels are still normal. Trying for another year naturally and then going for IVF is likely to be too late as every year makes a huge difference at this age.

Has he got his sperm tested?

Fertility is so so individual. The cumulative chances of conceiving within a year aged 40-43 is just over 50%. I know many people who have managed it, and relatively easily, and also many who didn’t manage it or are undergoing fertility treatments.

Im tentatively thinking of a third at 41. Apparently your own individual odds are improved by having had a baby recently with a natural conception, being a healthy weight, having regular cycles with reliable periods of EWCM, and supplementing with ubiquinol and vitamins. However still the egg quality (and sperm quality if you have a similar age partner) are still a limiting factor. So odds might be better than the 5% per cycle chances quoted, but very unlikely to be too much better. But still, cumulatively it’s a roughly one in two probability of it happening.

And yes I wonder if this makes a huge difference. With two pre schoolers, and full on jobs, we don’t have anywhere near as much sex as we used to to conceive the other two. Plus stress, tiredness, there’s probably a reason why secondary infertility is a thing

For those saying to go for IVF...I may be wrong but my understanding is that the success rate for IVF declines much more steeply with age than natural fertility does. As a PP says, many women are fertile in their 40s, it's just that most actively choose not to have children at that age (the abortion rate in over 40s is relatively high - so a lot of unplanned pregnancies do happen). Both my grans had babies at 42/43. In the 1940s. One was definitely not a planned pregnancy.

Of course, for women who have never tried to conceive until their 40s their fertility status is unknown - but that is not the OPs situation.

I haven’t for fear they would reduce my chances, but maybe I should give it a shot. I had the intervaginal ultrasound done at the beginning of my fertility window the month I conceived my first and they used some kind of gel on me. I vaguely wonder sometimes if that made a difference 😅

I feel this might be the same for me. It seems to take a long time to get pregnant, but then it sticks well when it happens. That was my experience last time anyway. I know every pregnancy is different.

Yes, this is my fear. How many women can actually do it in their 40s? This is really what I want to know, but no one can tell me. It’s a total risk to do it this late, but I didn’t have much of a choice.