Mil told her daughters i am pregnant

[ThisDreamyExpert]

I dont have a particularly close relationship with my mil. I dont also feel like I want to do much to get too close. Although she is nice and wonderful to my kids and sees me as her own daughter. I always had a superficial rel to her. Please try to read my previous threads to het a better understanding of me to get full picture.
i fell pregant two years ago and told her, I later dound out feom my SILs that she had told them. It came out and she at first said that in her defence, she had told them I think I might be pregnant, not that it was a certainty. She then later did apologise to me personally while in the kirchen. My husbnad had told her that it was not her place. I am still fuming at times now. My colleague told he mer mil did this and it just brought up old anger and resentment. Please help me to still maintain a decent relationship with her. She is generally lovely.

Let it go. We learned early on with my family not to tell them anything unless we want it to be public. My BIL announces my engagement on FB, my sister did my pregnancy and my mum my birth. Bloody pain in the arse but not a big deal in the grand scheme of things

Well, you kind of do in the real world. On Mumsnet being a mil is more than enough.

Someone who is nice, wonderful to your kids, sees you as a daughter, but you can’t forgive a mistake they’ve apologised for to your face?? Yes of course you are unreasonable. Please be nicer to another woman who is just human please.

This. Honestly why are you hanging onto this OP.

For the love of god it was 2 years ago!

No you don't. Sometimes people just don't get on. NBD.

There's obviously more going on here. OP is determined to get evidence on how awful her MIL is despite evidence to the contrary. Luckily she hasn't cut off access to the grandchildren due to MIL's minor infractions.

This is a you problem.

So what. Can't see the problem tbh. You sound like hard work.

Did you tell her not to tell anyone? Because I honestly don't know what she did wrong at this point.

And yep, I remember the thread about the contract. Absolutely nuts. You have the kind of MIL that many women would love to have, yet you nitpick and dwell on ridiculous things.

I think you need to do a MIL swap with someone, to recognise just how lucky you are.

Oh, and yes. Get therapy.

Please get some help-this was 2 years ago. You say you don't want to have a relationship with her, which is awful as she is the grandmother, so you should try to-it could benefit you and you kids so much, and make your partner's life so much less stressful-I wouldn't have stood it if my husband wasn't at least trying to have a relationship with my mum, and still going on about something she'd said two years ago.

OP accepts the regular childcare though.

I’ve looked at your old threads, all I can say is your poor MIL.

Jesus, count your many blessings, one of which is your MIL who sounds extremely reasonable, consideration, accommodating and tolerant.

Are you alright in yourself? You’re fixating on odd things, are you generally anxious or depressed or something?

My goodness, if I tell MIL I’m pregnant of course she will tell people!

if you want to keep it a secret, then keep it a secret!

Sounds like you need therapy

Not suggesting being best friends. But a family member that even the OP can find no reason to criticise- yes, you can construct a reasonable relationship with. Because that’s how society works.

Why do you care? Why don’t you want to get close if she is lovley ? You have the power to change your self.

I read your other threads OP. It seems like you have a real issue with your MiL when each time, she hasn’t really done anything that wrong. And it’s a bit odd that you have started several threads over very minor incidents that happened a couple of years ago.

I suspect there’s something else going on in your life, and your obsessing over your MIL as a distraction. Be careful OP, you don’t want to damage a relationship that looks like it’s healthy.

Did you ask her not to tell anyone?

I don't understand the issue or why it would still annoy you two years later.
If it bothers you that she can't keep a secret (and many people can't) don't tell her your secrets.
Also to be honest if my daughter in law told me she was pregnant I would find it very difficult to keep it a secret from my daughter! I would if she swore me to secrecy but it would be difficult.

Did you say to her at the time to keep it quiet (until the 12 week scan or whatever?)

Even if you did, it's not worth holding onto. Assuming the pregnancy continued normally they would have found out.

If you normally get on well I think you should just move on and stop making a drama out of a crisis.

Why do you hate her so much? It’s so unhealthy. It doesn’t appear she’s done anything to deserve it, but you’re constantly looking for reasons to justify your hate.

Nicely - it’s time to get over it ! No one was harmed or died as a result of what was said. She has apologised and you say how wonderful she is with your kids. This really isn’t an issue and isn’t worth the headspace you are giving it.

I feel like a lot of people in this thread are being a bit mean and unfair.

OP has said in other threads that she has OCD and it sounds like the things she is making posts about are things she's been ruminating on because of that. I don't think she hates her mother in law or is trying to make her sound horrible, in fact she's been quite honest about how her MIL has responded positively to feedback. She even said her MIL is lovely.

OP has said in other threads that her OCD can distort her objectivity and that's why she's posting here to get other people's perspectives. So she is actually trying to be reasonable. And for people with this kind of OCD, just 'getting over it' and 'moving on' isn't that easy.

OP, I don't know if you have ever tried therapy with a psychotherapist specialised in OCD, from what my friend who has OCD said this is usually quite different to traditional talking therapy and it can be hard to find the right therapist. But if youre able to afford it, I think it could be something worth investing in for your mental health.

OP chose not to disclose OCD on this thread and the majority of readers aren’t going to advance search her old threads in order to get context to this one.