Do i get to be selfish in pregnancy?

[Newmum931]

I am 30 weeks pregnant and I am having a difficult time dealing with my sisters fertility troubles after the things she said to me.
She has been having issues getting pregnant for years and has just told me after i got pregnant earlier this year about it all. Things came to a head with us a month ago as I told her for the time being I did not have the capacity to deal with other ppls issues at the moment as I am going through a difficult part of my pregnancy and would like to focus on my journey from this point on and keep a postivie focus on my labour and rest of my birth. I didnt say it like this i just said I dont have the capacity for others issues at the moment trying to set a boundary. She complained to me that she cant expect other to treat her how she treats them after me saying this and mentioned how if it was me she'd be there, i found this very shocking and hurtful as all through my pregnancy i have checked in with her about her struggles and I ask her how she is all the time and she always tells me she is fine whenever I ask but during this confrontation she said she has had very bad days which she has never mentioned before. We have had lengthy conversations about her journey and ive been there every step of the way once she decided to tell me. I called her selfish that she said this to me and she threw that back in my face saying that me setting the boundary of not being able to handle other people's struggles at the moment was selfish and just because I am pregnant my feelings do not come before hers and I should be there to listen to her and help her through this.

It has really affected me and Ive started to pull away from her as I totally disagree and feel this time with growing my first baby I get to be selfish and protect our peace and do what is best for us. I also wish she had told me before I got pregnant about the years shes been struggling as I truly had no idea and feel like I would have gone about things differently with her had I known and been more cautious with how much I confided in her.

We shouldn’t have sympathy for pregnant women just because they are pregnant?

I would have hated being pitied or sympathised with when I was pregnant!

So @Houseofdrumspregnant women should haven’t to be “grateful” but everyone else has to have sympathy for them?

Sympathy for something millions of people experience every day?

I read the title and from this initially thought you are being unreasonable OP because, like most posters, I worked until one week before giving birth and managed to keep contacts up and housework done along with house hunting etc, it’s just what you do.
Having read the context I now do have sympathy with both sisters. It must be so hard to be the sister who just can’t get pregnant BUT it does sound as though from the moment OP announced her pregnancy her sister has continuously dumped all her grief and frustrations on her. This isn’t fair either and I could see how after 30 weeks of this I would want and need it to stop. I do think OP should be allowed to enjoy being pregnant without guilt, but perhaps the way she conveyed this was hurtful.
To my mind, both sisters are at fault and need to sort this out before it causes family rifts which no doubt would eventually include parents.

I could never imagine being so unkind to my sister especially when I was about to have the thing that she is so desperate to have. You’re both going through a tricky time, you can be there for each other surely

All the therapy speak - setting a boundary, protecting my peace - and yet no thought given for the impact of your own choices.

You can do whatever you want, but choices have consequences. It sounds like your sister has been ‘protecting your peace’ by not offloading all her troubles. By all means enjoy the pregnancy because the next bit is much harder and much less peaceful. If you choose not to be there for her when she can’t hold it all in any more, that’s your choice, but don’t be surprised if she’s not able to be the doting auntie/babysitter/shoulder to cry on that you will 100% need when your baby arrives.

It’s just compassion. I thought that was an obvious one? @hereforthelolz

Isn’t that the reason why pregnant women get priority seating. Because we know it’s a vulnerable moment? Why they tend to ask if pregnant before medical or dental procedures? Or even if you wanted to go on a rollercoaster- because of your health and safety.

Or maybe the idea of priority seating is too discriminatory now? And maybe we should just let pregnant women get on with it because it shouldn’t be seen as a “barrier”. I can never tell where we are in society sometimes 🙄

Would hate the be on a packed train with most people on this post tbh

You sound horrible but you'll be back in a few months whinging because nobody is speaking to you anymore 😂 you can be pregnant and not be a bitch to people

What's the bet after she has the baby she'll be on here moaning that nobody will help her 😂 if I was her sister I wouldn't speak to her again

I actually ended a friendship because of how a friend treated me, which was similar to the OP.

Being pregnant is a special, and a vulnerable time but that doesn’t mean others aren’t deserving or worthy of support too. It screams of inflated self-importance and entitlement concealed as vulnerability/self-preservation. There’s a level.

You know two things can be true at once? Pregnant women can find it difficult to stand for long periods of time so prioritising them to sit down on public transport supports this. Pregnant women can also show empathy to others and not be completely selfish. It’s not one or the other.

Getting to sit on the tube has literally nothing to do with the OP. I am not one who says that we shouldn’t show consideration to pregnant women because it’s a really bloody hard time for so many women. However, that doesn’t give them a free pass to be unpleasant to others.

This. If you are selfish and ignore her now, you have zero right to expect any support when your baby is here. And that is the hard part. Pregnancy is an absolute breeze compared to actually having a baby. Brace yourself!!

No, you’re not allowed to be selfish. The is a forum full of women that will tell you they got through worse, or what are you on about? Or wait for blah blah.

of course you’re allowed to be selfish. You should always be selfish. People need to normalise prioritising themselves and their families.

lol, I disagree. People already prioritise themselves and their families.we live in a very self absorbed society as it is - also isn’t her sister classed as family? 🤔

Nobody is saying she can’t be selfish in terms of prioritising herself during her pregnancy and newborn days. She’s had it rough and should take care of herself.

it’s the total lack of empathy towards her sister who is struggling to conceive herself and facing a life without what the o/p has.

it takes nothing to say sorry sis, I’m feeling shit and probably can’t be the support you need at the minute. Instead she’s basically told her to fuck off because her pregnancy is too important and she doesn’t want to hear it.

i think if the last post from the o/p had been allowed to stand nobody would have any sympathy. If that’s how she treats people I wouldn’t be suprised if she finds herself being selfish all alone.