Hi everyone. I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant with baby number 4. We already have three under three, so I know we are firmly in "madhouse" territory and this isn't a situation many would choose! It wasn’t exactly our plan either, but I’ve always felt this was meant to be and our children are our absolute world.
Obviously, when we first found out, we were in shock and had the usual questions about how we were going to cope. But we had those exact same questions when we had our second, and again with our third. Every time, we coped. I think it’s just something you have to get used to and you adapt to a new normal when the baby arrives. We don’t rely on anyone else. Our finances are fine, we're content, and we don't need help with childcare because I stay at home with the kids all day, every day. We are completely independent and rarely rely on help unless it’s for the odd date night.
The reason I’m posting is that literally nobody knows yet apart from the midwife, sonographer, and DH’s boss (holiday planning). We are genuinely struggling with how to tell our families, and I'm losing sleep over it.
To give some context on why we're dreading it:
The Parents: Both sets of parents have made comments in the past about us stopping at three. Nothing malicious, but enough to make us feel they think our hands are full enough. Before my last C-section, I did say I couldn’t imagine doing it again, but I never got that definite feeling of being “done”. This pregnancy was a huge surprise, but very much wanted.
DH’s Brother & SIL: They have been struggling with infertility for around 18 months and have recently been told they’ll need IVF. I feel an immense amount of guilt about announcing another surprise pregnancy when they are going through this heartbreak.
Husband Sister: She sadly miscarried her third pregnancy earlier this year but openly amditted it was sign of relief and enough it made my brother in law since get a vasectomy.
There is already historic tension/drama on husband side of the family, and I’m terrified this will trigger more.
My Sister 1: Sadly lost her first baby at 37 weeks. I completely understand that grief stays with you forever. Because of this, whenever I’ve announced a pregnancy, she has never seemed happy usually a long pause, no congratulations, and an immediate change of subject.
My Sister 2: Was overjoyed with my first two, but when I was pregnant with my third at the same time as her, things got awkward. We were pressured by my parents into announcing before we were ready and in an environment we didn't feel was right, with my parents pretty much saying we had something to say. When we announced, my husband happened to be the one who spoke, even though I was sitting right next to him. She got really upset that she heard it from him rather than me, and afterwards she said I should have texted her to apologize. To be honest, there’s a lot of situations where she’s not happy with the way things go and says it’s always my fault. She never takes accountability for herself, even though there’s been many situations where her and her partner have been so rude that they don’t even apologize. So, I just feel like even if I just send a text this time, that’s just gonna come down as rude, even though I don't mean it to be.
Sister 3 is lovely and incredibly supportive, thank goodness
I'm starting to show already. With third pregnancy I managed to hide it until 20 weeks, but husbands grandad guessed before then and started commenting on my weight, so I don't think I can hide it for long this time.
We’ve already decided that for DH’s brother and SIL who are facing IVF, we will absolutely not tell them face-to-face. We're going to send them a separate, sensitive text beforehand so they have the time and space to process it privately without having to fake a happy reaction for our benefit.
As for everyone else... DH keeps joking that we should just drop a scan photo into the family group chat and mute our phones for 48 hours!
As tempting as that is to avoid the awkward silences and raised eyebrows, I know we need to handle the rest of the family carefully. I just don't have the mental energy for drama right now.
Has anyone else been in a similar position with a fourth baby? How on earth do we handle the remaining announcements sensitively without compromising our own joy?