Page 2 | Pregnant at nearly 40 and worried...

Cthomas87 · 2026-06-10T09:35:58+00:00

Just after some reassurance I guess. I have 4 children (20, 17, 14, 7) my partner has 2 kids (21 and 20) all but one live at home. We have been together 4 years... I am pregnant ... I haven't even told my partner, I'm terrified... He is almost 50.... I'm sure he will be fine but it will be such a big change for us... Financially it will be difficult, space will be difficult. I'm scared of being judged having another baby at almost 40, with another different dad. Has anyone been through similar and offer me any advice.

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Original poster

Cthomas87 · 10/06/2026 16:06

I started looking at houses earlier, I know if we move a little out of our town we could get a bigger house for the money, which we have toyed with before (for the garden / drive aspect) but now I'm thinking it could be an even bigger reason to consider moving... An extra bedroom.

OP posts:

MaggieBsBoat · 10/06/2026 16:12

I had my 5th at 43 and to be honest the remarks about did I know how to use birth control did hurt and financially it was difficult. Not saying this to be an arse but both my DH and I are on 6 figure salaries and to give our children and our young adult in education kids a decent life and enough support takes all our money. We don’t have holidays and we drive a nearly 20 year old car. The expenses for growing kids is enormous. If we had 1/2 kids we’d have a lot of money in our pensions! If you can financially manage this number of kids then carry on, but do not underestimate how much this will cost. It’s not fair on your older kids if they go without for another baby. If we earned less we wouldn’t have our kids.

Original poster

Cthomas87 · 10/06/2026 16:29

MaggieBsBoat · 10/06/2026 16:12

I had my 5th at 43 and to be honest the remarks about did I know how to use birth control did hurt and financially it was difficult. Not saying this to be an arse but both my DH and I are on 6 figure salaries and to give our children and our young adult in education kids a decent life and enough support takes all our money. We don’t have holidays and we drive a nearly 20 year old car. The expenses for growing kids is enormous. If we had 1/2 kids we’d have a lot of money in our pensions! If you can financially manage this number of kids then carry on, but do not underestimate how much this will cost. It’s not fair on your older kids if they go without for another baby. If we earned less we wouldn’t have our kids.

Oh I totally get it. Luckily 3 out of the 6 we have between us are now are self sufficient and don't cost us anything. The 2 eldest pay board which actually helps us out. My eldest doesn't live at home so no cost at all.

We are mortgage free too, which is a huge help. If it wasn't for those factors, no way we could keep, I understand the financial implications.

I earn well (not far off 6 figures) partner not as much, he uns his own business and income really fluctuates hugely month on month.

OP posts:

MaggieBsBoat · 10/06/2026 16:38

@Cthomas87 that is excellent. None of ours are self-sufficient and we still have students thirty years in so this clouds my judgement. I can’t wait til we have no dependants!

Cheeseandolivesplease · 10/06/2026 16:51

@Cthomas87 How old would your current youngest be when they'd be expected to share their room with baby?
Would they be accepting of that do you think?

Original poster

Cthomas87 · 10/06/2026 20:28

Cheeseandolivesplease · 10/06/2026 16:51

@Cthomas87 How old would your current youngest be when they'd be expected to share their room with baby?
Would they be accepting of that do you think?

She would be 7 (she's almost 7 now)

OP posts:

Cheeseandolivesplease · 10/06/2026 22:46

@Cthomas87 Personally I think she may find it very difficult to go from having her own room and then having to share with a baby/toddler at the age of 7. It would be a big change.
How long would you plan on keeping the baby in with you and your husband?
What if the baby/toddler doesn't sleep through?
I'm not saying I have the answers but...
I had a baby when my elder sons were 11 and 13. Husband had no bio children up until this point. We were in a 3-bed and absolutely no chance of being able to afford a bigger house.
It was really important for us personally that the boys still kept their own rooms (especially at those ages), so we kept our little one in with us until she was 5 and my eldest left for uni when she had his room. We then converted a downstairs study so my eldest still has his own space whenever he wants it.
Of course having a 5 yo in with us wasn't an ideal solution, but I didn't think it fair that the much older boys lose their bedrooms simply because my husband (their stepdad) had made the choice to have a baby together.
Definitely ensured that our daughter was husband's first and last as he then had a vasectomy.