Unexpected pregnancy at 37 and feeling torn about what to do

[FairPeachBee]

I have 2 children ds5 & dd will be 3 in a month. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant! Even though dh and I used contraception. I know it’s not 100% but this has come as a total shock.
I felt like we were at the point of getting our lives back, travelling more long haul with the kids and saving money again.
I’m also 37 so feel old to be starting over with the newborn stage.
My husband has said he’ll support me if I wanted to have an abortion as he doesn’t want me to be unhappy and it’s ultimately my decision.
I feel so torn though, although being pregnant (I had back sickness during previous pregnancies) fills me with dread I just can’t help but think, this baby has quite literally defied the odds and to abort a baby when we already have children and are finically fine just seems wrong! I’m literally going back and forth between what I think is best. If anyone has any advice or has been in the same situation I would love to hear what you did.

I would keep the baby, you have a stable family unit already.

I had an unplanned third pregnancy at the same age. I had no plans to terminate but then we discovered it had DS. That made our decision for us. I wasn’t prepared to change the dynamic of our young family in such a way dramatic way.

I have two, we discussed having two and I know my partner definitely wouldn’t want a third so it won’t happen, but I would absolutely love a third, and I say that having a very difficult second newborn who fed every 90 minutes all day and all night and screamed the house down from 5-9pm every evening without fail (she’s a very happy and excitable 11 month old now luckily!). But I would because despite the challenges, I love the thought of three adult children in the future, bigger family celebrations, (hopefully) more grandchildren and just a wider support network for the children. Ultimately you just have to go with what you think is right but that’s how I would feel about it if it were me, I would be terrified but elated!

I wouldn't abort (I'm not anti abortion generally, I think in some situations it is the right thing to do). I found out a few months i was pregnant with a surprise 4th at 42, I spent weeks in turmoil as I felt our family was complete (youngest is 5, so we had a planned 3rd at 37 too). We have a lovely life, we are very happy, it was hard to think we might turn that on it's head!

Ultimately I couldn't abort a healthy child, we did pay for a private NIPT screening early on and discussed if a further diagnostic tests came back with anything we wouldnt carry on, we wouldn't have chosen this path with our other children. As it happens we have a healthy and continuing pregnancy, I know if I'd have aborted in those early weeks as I considered I wouldn't have got over it, I mean I wouldnt have if there had been something wrong truth be told. Personally I wouldn't abort in the position you describe, but only you know the ins and outs of your marriage, financial situation and life, you obviously aren't going to share all this here, but from the situation you describe I'd keep it.

My turning point came at 6 or 7 weeks when I thought I had an ectopic and was sat in the waiting room waiting for a scan and I realised I wanted it to be ok in there, as cringy as it sounds I think my heart decided for me!

It’s totally fine to end the pregnancy if you don’t want to be pregnant - having other children and being financially secure aren’t relevant. If it turned out to be a false alarm, would you be disappointed or relieved? That’ll tell you what to do.

It’s difficult when you’re in the position of going back and forth. Whatever you decide try not to be hard on yourself as it’s possible to have negative feelings with either choice, and you can’t know what life would have been like the other way.

To be honest I’m not sure if I can go through with an abortion, I think I will regret it.
I’m planning to do the NIPT tests aswell. My main fear around another pregnancy is the baby not being healthy.

I’m sorry you feel sad! It’s a tough decision, I do think I may regret it though. I do keep picturing our future with 3 and as they get older it would be lovely. I know it’ll be tough the first few years!
My husband has always said he wanted 3, so I think he will defo step up if we go ahead. Not that he doesn’t know but he’s very much needs instructions!

We’ve already decided he’s getting the snip not matter what the outcome is!!

I’ve made the same mental lists. We would have to move house, but we were planning on doing this anyway, we have time though. My 2 kids share a room, as we both work from home so have offices. But we can give one up for the baby to have a room, and my kids love sharing so I think they will be ok for a couple more years.
We’re also very lucky to have a cleaner which takes that off my mental load

Same situation except the kids are 7 and 3 (nearly 4) and I'm 40. We found out I was pregnant after a lovely trip to California where both kids could hike, kayak and ski and we'd just said "isn't it nice to be going into the next stage of family life?". We need to move, but other than that it'll be fine. I just had a scan, baby looks good at 8 weeks and I'm actually pretty excited! Good luck whatever you decide. X

Sounds like congratulations are in order then! You sound like a lovely mum already, I’m sure you’ll be able to handle whatever no. 3 throws at you. Sending best wishes and congratulations, long haul holidays can wait 😉

Congratulations ❤️