15 weeks pregnant and unsure whether to continue after an abusive relationship

[AlertLurker]

Hi all,
This is my first time posting. I am in such a devastating situation and desperate for some advice.

I am 15 weeks pregnant. My relationship with an extremely abusive man ended a week ago, and since then my time has been spent making police reports and on the phone to domestic abuse services. He also has a history of extreme violence against women and has been jailed twice as a result.

Up until last week, he was desperate for the baby but was never supportive. The abuse he put me through included keeping me awake at night, name-calling, cheating whilst I was pregnant, forcing me to sleep on the floor – the list goes on.

Either way, he will not be in my life and won't be providing financial support.
I am already a single mum to a beautiful, financially independent 18-year-old who lives at home (different father). I have a decent job, but I can only guarantee my wage until the end of 2027.

I have had all of the anomaly scans and seen the baby, who is healthy and beautiful, and I am so attached already.

The services I have spoken to have been amazing, offering to fit security measures and help get a non-molestation order in place. But I am terrified. I am terrified about doing this on my own, I am terrified about having him in my life, and I am terrified about having a termination – I have tried three times already to go through with one.

I am desperate for any advice or guidance from anyone who might have been in the same situation. I have until Thursday to decide and feel like I'm losing my mind going back and forth with the decision. I am 38 and feel like this might be my last chance.

All the love x

My heart goes out to you, Op; so much misery and heartache for you to bear. I hope this is the beginning of a new, happy chapter in your life whatever you decide x

Thinking of you today @AlertLurker 💐

Thank you. I am so greatful for the support of you all

Hope you are ok @AlertLurker

Thank you, I'm doing alright and definitely feel like i made the right decision. Its just a matter of processing the rest of it now x

Thinking of you. I'm so very sorry. Don't ever feel you have less right to grieve than any other mother who has lost a child.

Sending solidarity and love to you OP. I have never been exactly where you are but my daughter and I pay a very high price indeed because of the person that is her other parent. And family court didn’t protect us, I always thought it would but it hasn’t. My ex uses our child in every conceivable way to get to me. It just never really ends when you have a child with someone who is hell bent on destroying your life. And your ex sounds like an awful man.

You are absolutely doing the right thing to protect yourself and your daughter. You can still have a baby through sperm donation fairly soon after this if you are still set on having a baby when the dust has settled. You can have whatever life you want now however that looks as a single mum but without the lifelong fear. You are awesome

Just checking in OP to say thinking of you. Go easy on yourself, you've been through an awful lot recently and you need to recover physically and emotionally.

Thank you. I really appreciate it. It's been a horribly traumatic few days of more police reports and I'm grieving hard, but there was no other option in the end xx

You had to make a difficult decision. I'm absolutely sure that it was the right decision for you and your children. That doesnt make it any less traumatic. My heart goes out to you. If you aren't having therapy already it would be worth having some. You've experienced alot of truma and you need a safe place to process it. Be kind to yourself.

@AlertLurker I am so sorry that you are going through this. Take time to grieve, heal and being kind to yourself.
Hopefully the police reports will be over soon and then, thank goodness, he can be out of your life forever

Deleted as for some reason I couldn't see the updates when posted, but now can 💓

I am sure that physically, mentally and hormonally you will be in turmoil for many months. I wish you courage and strength during these difficult times to reach the peace and safety that you so richly deserve.

You poor thing - you did the brave and very mature thing. I really hope you aren’t stewing in guilt and shame whilst also dealing with the police.

You can still have a great future. Just get through this shitty bit, life won’t feel like this forever and a few years down the road you may very well be in a totally different place.