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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Had 20 week scan...a little disappointed!

77 replies

Pontypine · 20/06/2008 18:11

I had my 20week scan today and found the sonographer to be a little "overbearing"

She didn't seem to have any sense of humour and was very matriarchal in her manner - she even asked for my consent before she carried out the scan saying "are you aware that this scan is to check for anything that might be wrong with your baby, i need your consent to carry it out and to let you know if and let you know if anything is wrong"!

This is my 3rd pregnancy and i have had 7 scans and have NEVER been asked that before!

anyway, we asked her for the sex and at the end she said "i can never give you a definate answer but i am more inclined to say it's a boy but there was quite a lot of cord between the legs" My other half asked how sure she was (last time they told me DD was 70% going to be a girl) and she said "we never give a definate or certain answer or percentages" so we said "are you saying it's highly likely to be a boy though" and she said "not really"

HOW unhelpful was that?!?!

I have had 2 reassurances from friends who have said that she must have had a reason to say she was inclined to think boy because usually if they have no idea they do say "i was unable to see" rather than plant a false gender in your head!

what do you think? should i be "inclined" to buy boy stuff or not? Anyone else had a hitler-esque sonographer?

OP posts:

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mummyloveslucy · 20/06/2008 18:39

Oh how disappointing for you! not really much help then. It sounds as if she's in the wrong job. Having a baby is ment to be a happy occasion. Sorry I can't help much.

motherinferior · 20/06/2008 18:42

Actually, you know, I think she was rather good to say that. A lot of people do turn up to a scan thinking it's just a chance to view the baby, and don't realise that in fact it's to see if there is anything wrong. Which means they are utterly unprepared if and when they are told that something is wrong.

And the baby's position wasn't her fault!

NorthernLurker · 20/06/2008 18:45

So you were seen by a professional who ensured you gave informed consent before you underwent a medical procedure which could have had far-reaching consequences for you and your child, and who was then totally honest with you when you asked a non-medical question? And you're not happy because she can't help you with your shopping?

I don't think she was hitler-esque, I think she was skilled and appropriate.

notnowbernard · 20/06/2008 18:48

She sounds quite professional, in obtaining your informed consent prior to having the scan

I guess they can never be entirely sure of the sex... I guess you'll have a lovely suprise instead!

Congratulations, glad everything was ok

youcannotbeserious · 20/06/2008 18:49

But, a little disappointing, though, NorthernLurker....

bubblagirl · 20/06/2008 18:49

i think she was right in what she said but maybe not in way she said it tone of voice etc

they can no longer say whether boy or girl for sure as known to be lots of mistakes if not clearly visable and people seem to use law suits for loss of mon ey on buying wtrong colour clothes the emotional attatchment they have already formed with said sex baby

its way of saying more than likely but will take no responsibility to say 100%

things change all the time regarding how people are treated what should be said etc dont take it personally she was just doing her job

mollysawally · 20/06/2008 18:50

On my 20 wks scan, she said she couldn't tell me for definate and not to go buying any pink things but she thinks it was a girl. She also said she wouldn't put money on it.. shame really because she would have been quids in as we had a girl!

bubblagirl · 20/06/2008 18:50

but she may need lessons on how to make you feel comfortable while saying it sorry you didnt but hope all was ok with baby and thats what counts really

NorthernLurker · 20/06/2008 18:52

Sorry to be mean, nasty, grumpy person but no I don't think there is anything disappointing about a scan where you find out as far as can be told, you are carrying a healthy child for whom you can have all the 'normal' dreams. I'm assuming that is what the op was told as she hasn't mentioned otherwise.

motherinferior · 20/06/2008 18:54

I'm also a bit perplexed about the shopping bit. Not least because my older daughter spent her entire first year in her male cousin's handmedowns. And very fine she looked in them too.

youcannotbeserious · 20/06/2008 18:56

I would probably have been a bit disappointed if the sonographer was so professional - it's an exciting time and I suppose you want the sonographer to share that excitment.

BetteNoire · 20/06/2008 18:57

I hardly think the sonographer was "hitler-esque".

OK, so she could have been warmer and more welcoming, and I can see that you were disappointed, but it's great that all is well with your baby.

For all you know, she may have had to give some bad news to the person she scanned before you, and she may have been struggling to keep her composure.

(Or she may just have been a bit of a grumpy old thing. )

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

NorthernLurker · 20/06/2008 18:59

But what we don't know is what happened in the scans she did before the op? She's there to do a job and most of the time that will involve saying everything's ok and that's great - but sometimes she will be the first person to indicate to people that something may not be ok and she will be in the room as their dreams start to crumble and their hearts start to break. It's a very demanding job and I really don't think we expect endless joy and giggles from them!

NorthernLurker · 20/06/2008 18:59

x posted BetteNoire - exactly my point

motherinferior · 20/06/2008 19:01

I found it very interesting asking sonographers what they did if they did find something untoward. And asking them how many women were unprepared - as apparently most of them were. (I was always terrified.)

poppy34 · 20/06/2008 19:05

sorry I can see you're disappointed (and congrats that all is ok and it sounds like it is a boy . I think she sounds quite professional which is entirely correct. She doesn't know what your history is and is being dead straight.. I think this is right approach -Sadly as I know all to well not all scans are about happy news so she is just being appropriate.

The 20 week scan is about abnormalities -if they can tell you the sex it is a bonus .

blueshoes · 20/06/2008 20:43

I think she is bored with doing the nth scan and cannot pretend to be delighted by the spectacle and wonder of it.

Original poster

Pontypine · 20/06/2008 21:44

firstly, don't get me wrong, i know she has a job to do and i am not a twat and realise that the purpose of the scan is not to help me with my "shopping" (a comment i actually take offence to actually). My neice was born with a lot of problems and died 3 times on the day she was born and spent 7 weeks in SCBU, her problems weren't picked up on a scan.

for this reason, i also know that if i were told my baby had problems, it would not make me love it less and would not make me not want it. i know that you can overcome and deal with most problems - no matter how serious.

I was just a little miffed that we'd taken my 4yr old and she was very excited (as were we) and she was a bit "bland" with it.

I totally take on board the comment that she could have just given someone bad news - that didn't actually occur to me at the time so good point!

I really don't like the very condescending attitude on here by some people when people try to chat with other people who have had the same experience - if you've not got anything nice to say, don't post!! Yes, you might not agree with what the OP is saying but there are maybe more tactful/nice ways to put your point across. but then, we are mostly hormonal pregnant woman and may come across/be taken agressively when we don't mean to be!!

OP posts:

greenlawn · 20/06/2008 22:55

My recent scan was conducted by an absolutely miserable cow. Sorry, but she was. I don't expect tears of joy from the sonographer, but I do expect a basic level of courtesy. And is it too much to ask for just a little empathy for those who find scans an incredibly anxious experience?

Sadly, I've had the experience of finding out my baby was dead at 32 weeks. Or rather, as I recall it, someone muttering something vague about "the foetal heartbeat" before rushing out of the room in a blind panic, leaving me to look at a picture of my dead baby for 5 minutes before returning. I was left to assume the worst, which turned out to be the case. So as for giving bad news, yes its hard to give it - but its even harder to hear it. Don't get me wrong, I've had some fantastic sonographers, but one or two shouldn't be let loose on the public.

AngelDoll · 20/06/2008 23:15

People can be professional AND pleasant, the two are not mutually exclusive IMO.

Agree that it's as well to gently prepare some pregnant ladies for any potential problems seen on the scan but the key here is, er, gently?

Sonographers must see pg women day in day out etc etc but surely part of their training is to treat each pg woman as an individual, rather than a pg lump?

Oi, Northern Lurker - sounds like you and that miserable sonographer would get on like a house on fire ... in fact... are you that miserable sonographer???

All the best Pontypine x

Jackstini · 20/06/2008 23:22

Sorry you found it a bit disappointing Pontypine - of course you want to be excited.
However, she was doing her job - am shocked that you have never had the 'consent question' - that means your first 7 scans were done by someone not so professional!
Also, they do specifically say NOT to bring children to a scan with you, so that may have got her back up a bit?
Go for a 4-D scan in 8 weeks or so if you really want to know the sex - then go shopping safely

nooka · 20/06/2008 23:35

I don't think that mumsnet is here to give you warm fuzzies, and I can't see that anyone has said anything that isn't "nice". they have just disagreed with your conclusion that the sonographer was unhelpful. But then none of us were there, and it may have been her manner that was the problem not what she actually said. Certainly the 20 week scan should be accompanied by a warning, but maybe she went overboard on this because you brought along your dd?

We were unable to find out dd's sex from scans and it was a little disappointing, but that's not what the scan is for, and certainly not the sonographer's fault that dd liked to keep her legs crossed! I agree with others that you really shouldn't have taken along your 4 year old. What would you have done if the scan had shown a problem?

hf128219 · 20/06/2008 23:40

I had my 20 week scan at 26 weeks ('anomaly scan difficult to define due to gestation')whilst my dh was in Afghanistan - and was for my whole pregnancy.

I was lucky, and now have a beautiful 5 month old daughter. My heart goes out to those who don't. x

AngelDoll · 20/06/2008 23:45

I haven't disgreed with her conclusion, nooka! Please don't speak for everyone!

And why isn't MN here to offer "warm fuzzies", "cold fuzzies", or anything else fuzzy? Why are you presenting yourself as the authority on what MN can and can't "give"??????

nooka · 21/06/2008 00:09

Well I've been around a while and my experience is that Mumsnet isn't somewhere where people only say "nice" things. They say what they think. Sometimes that may be a little robust. Personally I don't think anyone has been harsh on this thread, but the OP said that if people didn't have anything nice to say they shouldn't post. Mumsnet would be a much poorer place if no one was allowed to give dissenting opinions, and the OP did ask "what do you think"

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