Had 20 week scan...a little disappointed!

[Pontypine]

I had my 20week scan today and found the sonographer to be a little "overbearing"

She didn't seem to have any sense of humour and was very matriarchal in her manner - she even asked for my consent before she carried out the scan saying "are you aware that this scan is to check for anything that might be wrong with your baby, i need your consent to carry it out and to let you know if and let you know if anything is wrong"!

This is my 3rd pregnancy and i have had 7 scans and have NEVER been asked that before!

anyway, we asked her for the sex and at the end she said "i can never give you a definate answer but i am more inclined to say it's a boy but there was quite a lot of cord between the legs" My other half asked how sure she was (last time they told me DD was 70% going to be a girl) and she said "we never give a definate or certain answer or percentages" so we said "are you saying it's highly likely to be a boy though" and she said "not really"

HOW unhelpful was that?!?!

I have had 2 reassurances from friends who have said that she must have had a reason to say she was inclined to think boy because usually if they have no idea they do say "i was unable to see" rather than plant a false gender in your head!

what do you think? should i be "inclined" to buy boy stuff or not? Anyone else had a hitler-esque sonographer?

Here, here AngelDoll. I rarely post as the first time I did asking for advice about exzema I felt that I was being battered about the head for being so stupid as to ask if anyone had any natural suggestions or had used a particular product. If I didnt take dd straight to the dermatologist then I felt I was about to be reported to social services.

Go easy ladies, tones can be perceived where none are meant when posting. Some of you ladies are scary!

Fair enough, nooka. I see what you mean, your last post comes across better. It's just that sometimes posters need a warm fuzzy (even though yes, they shouldn't expect it) and it amazes me how some posters seem to love making another poster more miserable (I don't mean you personally here) and are santimonious in their style.

I'm not a newbie either, have name-changed a few times over the last 4 years, so also know that MN is an good open forum for opinions. It just disappoints me that women can be so unsupportive of other women when it's not necessary. Why not give someone a break sometimes. OP is feeling a bit flat, she's PG, don't kick her when she's down (not meaning you).

I know Salleroo, I have been on the receiving end of scary posters and it's not nice. I can't bear to see other posters being got at either and always have something to say about it!

Some posters really are plain nasty. If you check out other threads that they are on you will usually see they are just as nasty there as on yours! which helps make any negative posting less hurtful

Sheeesh, I've come from some pretty harsh ones this evening I have to say. I've been noting names

I know one asks for suggestions and advice and I suppose one should prepare a thick skin and use those that one finds useful and discard the rest. The scary ones always remind me of a woman I worked with (I'm not going back - woo hooo) who was a complete seargant major and would scare the bejaysus out of everyone even though her own life was a shambles.

"I would probably have been a bit disappointed if the sonographer was so professional - it's an exciting time and I suppose you want the sonographer to share that excitment"

As motherinferior said, we find it a nice chance to see our babies, forgetting what it really is, which is an oppurtunity to check for problems with the baby & I really can't imagine it being THAT exciting for the sonographer.

They do them all day, day in, day out. They are there to detect problems with the baby, how hard must that be? Looking at all those babies & wondering how to break some bad news to excited parents should they find anything worng?

Can't say it would be something I would find exciting, tbh.

I am always surprised (although I don't why) when people post a reasonable gripe on MN and they are faced with people disagreeing.
Of course the sonographer was rude and part of her job, especially as she may be delivering bad news, is to put the mother at ease. This should be a serious but relaxed occasion. At my nuchal scan I had bad news and so I never go for scans for the photo, it's always for the diagnostic assessment. I still expect the staff to treat me like a human being who may be excited or scared about the findings. If it's good news I would like to think it's delivered with a smile.
You have to wonder why this woman doesn't want to make people feel nice about such an event, perhaps it's time she took a holiday??? Although waiting in a sonographers waiting room I do sometimes wonder how these people do their work with the amount of unsuitable people trapsing through their doors awaiting another baby when they clearly don't look after the ones they have already!!

i recently had to sign several consent forms for a scan. its what u have to do.

finding out the sex is a bonus IMO, and not the point of the scan.

yes she could've been less abrubt.

i will be asking if they can tell the sex of #4 before they start scanning (with 3 dd's already the sonographer always seems a bit more understanding for some reason), but know they wont always be able to tell.

It is a shame when you look forward to it for ages and then it's disappointing isn't it? But your baby looks healthy and has all the bits in the right place. She should have been a bit warmer and more friendly, but to be honest the main point of her job is to make sure that your DB is OK and to communicate the results to you, and she did do that.

I had that disappointment a little bit with this pregnancy as DD1 was a lively little soul (still is!) and it took ages to get all her measurements as she kept moving. It was a private scan too, so they took a while getting really nice pictures. With DD2 she was in the ideal position and it was an NHS scan, so over very quickly. But the scan did exactly what it was supposed to! We have a baby that has no (obvious) problems and that's great.

Thanks for the supportive messages!

I have never been told not to take my children to a scan. i did not take them to my 5 week, 6 week or 14week scan but my DS came to my 20week scan when i had DD and i think it's a great way to get a rather unsure 3/4yr old involved.

My daughter was fascinated and sat very quietly and watched it all intently. the only things she did ask me was "does it hurt" "why is your tummy wet" and "when i am a mummy will they look into my tummy".

I am pleased my baby is healthy and as i have one of each already, i am pleased either way what it turns out to be (as long as it's not green and covered in scales!). My daughter has specifically requested a sister with pink hair so she may be slightly less pleased!

I had a lovely sonographer with my second. One of her first comments were " Oh LOOK, baby is laying down JUST like you with his hand above his head"
When I asked her if she could see if it was a boy or girl, she said, "No, I cant see properly, baby is clenching the legs, such a chilly day, did you know they feel cold when you do?"

I dont think yours did anything wrong, but maybe she was miffed at you taking a child to be entertained at what is after all a medical procedure, and how would both you AND her cope with the child there if indeed she DID find anything wrong. We were told no children allowed.

Mine had a very strong South African accent and kept talking about how she could see the "ties". I thought this was some medical term or something but turned out she meant "toes".

I nearly burst into tears of hormonal rage as DH was rummaging in his bag and I thought he was going to get his blackberry out (he wsa very busy at work) but in fact he was looking for his glasses. He then got upset that I could ever think that he would check his work emails while looking at our firstborn!

My last sonographer was lovely, so warm and friendly, but she had read my otes, saw I had had 2 MCs and could see I was cacking myself. The one I had before when I found out the baby had died was not great, although she was in the EPU you would think she'd be better prepared to deliver bad news.

I think it's luck of the draw, really. I would like to say, I would never take another child to a scan. You mention if the child had disabilities, well that's one thing to deal with but (and sorry here, but it's a fact) what if you had found out the baby had died? Do you think your child should see your initial grief? I'm not trying to be harsh but explain why they take your consent and why she may have felt uncomfortable with your other child being there.

Anyway, you have a healthy maybe boy so be happy! xx

Oh my 20week scan wasn't a pleasant experience either - our sonographer was a stroppy cow who didn't answer some of our questions, threatened to stop the scan and give me another date because I moved slightly to get a better view of baby's face.

When we knew all was ok we asked if she would write the sex down for us so that if we wanted to know we could look at it later and she refused - saying if we wanted to know the sex, she only gave one word answers

She was a dick. Some people just want to piss on your parade.

pontypine - I am surprised about children being at the scan. I am just wondering whether you had thought in advance that there may have been an abnormality found - how would you have coped with that with the children there. As a midwife I am aware that there can be problems found and it is obviously distressing whether the prgnancy is continued or not. I think it is important that women are making an informed choice about the 'anomoly scan' which is the main focus of the scan at that stage of pregnancy. Consent needs to be gained. I agree that the sonographer should have a nice attitude as well as be professional. I am not criticising you - I am just wondering whether you had thought about the possibility of receiving bad news.

OK, so I'm a miserable pissing cow. I don't actually care.

I found scans absolutely fecking terrifying. I'm always taken aback that other people don't feel that way.

I am sorry to hear so many people have found out they have lost their babies at their 20 week scan. I can feel my baby move LOADS (to the point that i sometimes think it is slightly possessed!! lol) and it moves at the same times every day. If i had not felt the baby move or for one moment though that i might be given the worst news, i would not have taken my daughter.

I did not take my children to my 14week scan as i did not know if everything would be ok.

There were a couple of other people in the waiting room with children with them - one lady had her 2 sons who were about 9 and 6 with her and they had taken the day off school to go.

I think different PCTs have different guidelines but my midwife was fully aware i inteded to take my DD as she was explaining to her what she would see.

She sounds like a honey, knockedup!

We all have bad days, but really!

I've never had a radiographer or MW not get excited about my scan. I've had a lot of scans over my last pregnancy because I'm autoimmune and lost a baby before because of it. I found each one scary because I would be convinced they would say she'd died (even though she was a wriggler and had constant hiccups from 22 weeks till well after she was born).

Last time I was seeing a MW in the day unit three times a week for a scan. She was measuring blood flow into and out of the placenta, not even looking at the baby, but she would let me have a good look at her, pointing out her breathing, drinking the fluid, stroking her head, kicking the probe away etc. After my stepsons mother gave birth to her third son I asked if she could see what I was having (20 week scan couldn't get in close enough but "no sign of dangly bits") so that TBD could comfort his youngest with "you're still my baby boy" without being made a liar of in a few weeks. She was happy to oblige, spent a long time getting in close.

I had a similar experience to knockedup - the sonographer at our 20 week scan was a moody twat. Didn't even look up from his computer or say hello when we came into the room, didn't speak except to tell me to stay still after I laughed with delight at seeing my baby kicking about, gave me terse one word answers when I asked what it was he was measuring.

I'm not saying sonographers should turn cartwheels and blow up balloons for every expectant couple that come through their doors, I know it's just a job and even the most awesome job will lose its sheen through repetition - but I do expect a basic level of politeness and human interaction. Like some others here I was pretty terrified that we'd be given bad news, and a little warmth from the guy would have gone a long way to alleviating that. As it was, we were lucky that the news was all good; after I'd calmed down about the experience, I also found it quite useful as it helped me determine that I really do not want a hospital birth if at all possible.

gosh, regardless of movement i wouldn't want to take a child to an anomoly scan. how would you have coped if there had been bad news?

(later scans, if you have them and if you've specifically asked if it's okay... maybe... but the anomoly scan is HUGE to get out of the way imo).

echoing aitchnet - sadly moving is not always a guarantee of good news at 20 week scan

I took my DS into my 20 week scan with me - he was only 6 months old though. I asked beforehand if it was ok I wouldn't fancy the idea of taking an older child in , as like MI I was always shitting myself before a scan and expecting the worst

I wouldn't take my child to any ultrasound scan and in any case my hospital won't let them in. I think we know of too many cases where things weren't OK to have risked it. In fact, we even make sure that DH has the whole day off work, so that he doesn't have to either rush back or phone them and tell them. We have been very lucky so far though.

I took my girls into my 12 week scan, because we couldn't find a babysitter, and it was very stressful to have them there.

I ended up having my 20 week scan alone because again we couldn't find a babysitter and dh stayed with the girls. It's a shame he missed it, but no way did I want to girls there again - it was a long scan - about 30 minutes - and very uncomfortatble, with the emphasise on checking all the organs and measurements, so very stressful, not enjoyable at all.

Because of complications I had a lot of scans with both my pgs. Some sonographers were lovely and gave me pictures when strictly they didn't need to, whilst others were professionally distant. I was even scanned by a mum I know through nursery so she knew what I was having when I didn't

Imo if the OP's sonographer is the kind you only experience then yes it's disappointing as having the scan is exciting and trepidatious for you, but she could well have delivered some bad news that morning which affected her mood.