Had 20 week scan...a little disappointed!

[Pontypine]

I had my 20week scan today and found the sonographer to be a little "overbearing"

She didn't seem to have any sense of humour and was very matriarchal in her manner - she even asked for my consent before she carried out the scan saying "are you aware that this scan is to check for anything that might be wrong with your baby, i need your consent to carry it out and to let you know if and let you know if anything is wrong"!

This is my 3rd pregnancy and i have had 7 scans and have NEVER been asked that before!

anyway, we asked her for the sex and at the end she said "i can never give you a definate answer but i am more inclined to say it's a boy but there was quite a lot of cord between the legs" My other half asked how sure she was (last time they told me DD was 70% going to be a girl) and she said "we never give a definate or certain answer or percentages" so we said "are you saying it's highly likely to be a boy though" and she said "not really"

HOW unhelpful was that?!?!

I have had 2 reassurances from friends who have said that she must have had a reason to say she was inclined to think boy because usually if they have no idea they do say "i was unable to see" rather than plant a false gender in your head!

what do you think? should i be "inclined" to buy boy stuff or not? Anyone else had a hitler-esque sonographer?

DH and I have talked about that - it's a job that neither of us would want to do, because every week you would have to break devastating news to someone.

I asked at my 24 weeks scan (i'm high risk in pregnancy and have lots of scans) and she was certain it was a boy, asked again at 28 weeks for her to check and she said boy again. callum is most defo. a boy!! lol

I was always scared before scans - although had made all decisions for pretty much any eventuality before entering the room- with ds2 and ds3 at least.

However, I do think a good bedside manner goes a long way for any health professional- and this one's sounds a bit lacking. Hopefully it was just a bad mood and you caught her at the wrong moment- otherwise she's in the wrong job.

btw it must be anomaly, mustn't it? anomaly, anomalous etc?

In our hospital sonographers are given 4 minutes per scan patient (for routine scans, not detailed anomaly scans).

Under that amount of pressure I can see why they get a bit grumpy.

I had a terrible sonorapher at my 20 wk scan.
She kept tutting and mumbling that she couldn't see whatever it was she was eant to be looking for, she even said "for christs sake" at one point and not in a jovial kind of way, it wsa like I was doing something wrong. She said 2 or 3 times that "it's in an awkward position" I asked if there was anything I could do and she snapped that I should go for a walk and come back.
When I got back she was even worse and was really bashing my stomach.
I told her to leave it and I'd come back in a week.
The next day I saw that I had a massive bruise along the bottom of my stomach and had a massive panic because I couldn't feel the baby moving. I really thought she had damaged him.
Had another scan, all was fine but I wish I'd made a complaint.

"What would you have done if the scan had shown a problem?" I have to agree with Nooka with this part. Our (nuchal)scan showed a shocking, unexpected problem and the only thing we were happy about is that our three year old wasn't there to see our faces/hear us cry. First I thought it would be a lovely idea to bring her with us, but after what happened I would n-e-v-e-r take a child with me to a nuchal/anomaly scan. These scans are not really entertainment but about determining if there are problems.

now she does sound like a bitch, jezza.

I can see both sides of this. I understand that for medics who do it day in, day out then it's not terribly exciting, but a bit of warmth doesn't go amiss, as in any other job where you're interacting with the public. We waited until we were past the 12 week mark to tell friends and family and were slightly taken aback by how enthusiastic and excited people were - it hadn't really occurred to me that before then, although we had told lots of professionals (GP, midwives, waiters!) none of them had really shown any interest.

In the interests of redressing the balance rather than just sounding smug, our sonographer was absolutely lovely (Emily at St George's in Tooting). We had her for both scans and I was absolutely terrified but she was brilliant at telling us what we were looking at, was warm and friendly, and went out of her way to get a gorgeous photo of the baby's foot for us. I'm very aware that it was an anomaly scan rather than a chance to see baby, but it's nice when people remember there's a person attached to the bump

I didn't even consider that we might get bad news going into DS2's scan, as I just assumed that everything would be fine, and it would be a happy occasion and a good chance for my MIL and DS1 to see the baby. However, they found a problem with his kidneys, but didn't really know how severe it was at that time (they thought worse than it actually ended up being). I was in floods of tears, and poor DS1 was very confused. I would never take a child to a 20w scan again.

Sonographer (male) was great throughout, very reassuring, and lovely about everyone being there, and us asking MIL to leave so we could find out the sex ourselves.

It is tough is it not if you deal with people that you can't be grumpy or having bad day or hubg over. Yes you are excited it is your db but to her or him it is a job. This is your nth baby of the day and you are running late, missing your lunch etc etc. I think you are being a little over-sensitive.

Ponty, I'm sorry you've taken a bit of a bashing for being disappointed, I understand how you feel - yes, of course they are doing their job and it isn't all about the sex but for a lot of people this is really important - it was for me, as I needed help bonding with the baby while he was in there, and it helped to know as much as I could to prepare for when he was born.

I am wondering if you got some pictures you might be able to post, of the relevant bit?
The thing is, I knew instantly at my 20 week that it was a boy, she didn't have to tell me - maybe if you have the right shot we can try to decipher for you?

Sorry you didn't get told more x

Sorry - that sounded odd, 'They are doing their job and it isn't all about the sex of the baby '

snigger

I didn't notice till you pointed it out, makes it very funny lol

Sorry you did not get the experience you were hoping for. To be fair to the scanner, it must be a tough job - one minute having difficult news and awful conversations to have when things are not going well, and then to share the happiness and excitement of another couple. I imagine that the emotional roller coaster could be exhausting if they did not adopt a slight professional distance to it all. We had wonderful scanners who were so genuinely happy for us and very patient with all our questions etc. Thinking about it, I am amazed that some of them can allow themselves to "feel" for each and every patient they scan with genuine warmth and care. Perhaps it is not so much surprising your scan was conducted by a careful but non committal and not that "warm" person, but rather that so many of us do experience wonderful scans conducted by wonderful people?
I guess that the fact your pregnancy is going well and the scan picked up no anomalies is worth holding onto and try to see beyond your disappointment now. Better to be told that it is not "definitely" a boy (as frustrating as that is) than to get it wrong - I think!

AitchNunsnet - yes it is anomaly. I thought that was what I typed but obviously not.

I think reading posts on various threads about scan, many women have no idea that the 20 week scan is to seek out any abnormalities, and not just a nice scan of the baby. It means when somethiong is picked up, women are not prepared for it. I really think written consent should be gained in the same way it is for blood tests. Some areas do that already but not all.

Not a place for children IMO.

It's the sonographer's job!!! Yes it must be awful having to deliver difficult news one hours and good news the next etc etc but a professional will deal with it all because they are, er, professional!! They are highly trained medical staff and have chosen to do that job so why cut a bad attitude so much slack as though we are not worthy of all being treated courteously and pleasantly?

That's ok is it, to be treated unpleasantly because as one poster puts it, "This is your nth baby of the day and you are running late, missing your lunch etc etc" oh come on.

lol mears, i wasn't directing that at you, i was directing it at myself, a professional writer who managed to spell it wrongly three times in quick succession and only realised when i pressed 'post'. [der]

I think its more that the issues the OP has raised are about what the sonographer said, and most people can't see anything particularly bad about asking for consent or not being able to say what sex the baby was. I am sure that people would have reacted differently if the OP had said that the sonographer was rude or unpleasant. I get the impression that she was probably a bit distant or brisk and didn't engage with the OP or her daughter in quite the way she was expecting. But then fair enough the OP only said she was a little disappointed. I suspect it was the "Hitleresque" line that got a few people's backs up (assuming no saluting was involved, I guess).

a consultant obs friend of mine was commenting the other day that he was rather surprised there hadn't been a big court case yet with those firms that do the late 4d scans.

although people do sign a form saying 'this is not medical, it's for bonding etc', he says in reality they absolutely think that were there any issues they would be mentioned.

and he's the guy who has to give them the news when the baby is born and there's something not right, he says it's terrible that the 'bonding' scan has given them reassurance that it is not qualified to do, iykwim?

i wonder if that informs the brisk thing that some sonographers in the NHS have, because i DO know what the OP means, i have met ones who seem a bit disengaged. but maybe that's to protect their mental health, if that's what they need to do, because they have to break such shitty news to people...

Wow didn't know that Ponty - I presumed all hospitals were the same re children attending? Nottingham has notices in the scan waiting room, requests in the leaflets given prior and mentions in the appointment letter.
The prime reason for scanning is to check all is ok and to have to give bad news when a child is in the room must be even harder. I have had this twice and having dd there would have made it so much worse.
Or maybe she had had some difficult scans before yours and just wanted someone to be grateful theirs was ok, rather than a bit annoyed. Not saying she was right, but she's human too....

Thanks everyone for the comments - good and bad! i guess everyone is different and i felt nothing wrong n taking my DD and felt it important to help her to keep involved in what was going on.

interesting comment about the written consent for bloods - again, not something i have ever had to do!! different PCTs i guess again BUT where i live we have one of the top 5 PCTs in the country i believe so maybe they don't feel the need to "cover their backs" as much (I don't mean that comment in an "i live somewhere better than you" way, i just mean maybe they have had less finger burning in the past - not literally!)

My friend who is due in 5 weeks had exactly the same lady and i found out from her last night that she was told EXACTLY the same thing - and she has gone out and bought all blue stuff for her baby!! Yikes! i won't go that far!

Again, thanks for the support, i am now off on a stressfree holiday to sunnier climes! (stressfree with a 4 yr old.....hmmmm!)

I've been puzzled by something but wanted to check for myself before I said something. It's not a radiographers job, whatever field they work in, to tell a patient what is wrong with them. My dad is a radiographer and I wanted to check it was the same with ones trained in sonography too. My dad has always said that although it can be quite obvious when there's a break he can only put a red dot on the x-ray to advise a doctor there may be a problem there because he's not a doctor (I know the same is true in the ambulance service, if the leg bends in the middle of the shin you can't say it's broken because you're not a doctor and don't have an x-ray, for all you know it could be an extra knee). My brother is a good example because his elbow looked broken, Dad and his colleague both said they thought it was. Doctor said it was a growing plate. It's now in Dad's collection of unusual x-rays!

This is from the information pack I have had from the hospital:

What happens if there is something wrong with my baby?

If the sonographer (person doing the scan) finds a problem they will ask for a second opinion from a doctor who specialises in ultrasound. You will be referred to another scan with a specialist, usually within a few days.