Extreme Gender Disappointment

[CalmRubyPoster]

Extreme Gender Disappointment

I’m 19 weeks pregnant and just got my NIPT results-confirmed it’s a boy. And honestly… I cry every single day. I feel jealous when I see mother-daughter relationships, and I worry that I’ll never get to experience that with my own child. I’ve always wanted a daughter.

All my life, my mum-who has only daughters-used to say, “A daughter is a daughter for life. A son is yours only until he takes a wife.” And honestly, I see that pattern in my family. Most of my uncles and male cousins don’t really care for their parents once they marry. I worry about my son’s future spouse not liking me. I worry that the bond I have with him might get complicated.

I think that’s why having a daughter feels different-you remain her mum no matter what, even if her spouse dislikes you. That kind of bond seems… unshakeable.

Even as a healthcare worker, I find myself grieving in advance for moms of boys. Most of them end up really alone in their later years; it’s usually the daughters showing up, and it just feels so extreme.

Ever since I found out the gender, I haven’t felt excited at all-my heart races with anxiety and sadness thinking about the future. I just think what’s the point…

Will I eventually get the girl I’m dreaming for?

Have any other moms of boys felt like this? How do you navigate these feelings?
It’s a repost from my old post but my feelings haven’t got any better, I’m not being ungrateful or anything I’m just scared and uncertain.

Why make a new thread?

Maybe you could try and create a healthy, happy relationship with your son so he doesn’t feel the need to run away from you? OP you are having a child - you have no idea how this child is going to turn out. This child needs a happy, stable parent who loves it regardless of its gender. You have the ability to get a grip and be a very good mum. All the male relatives in my family have excellent relationships with their mothers. You also might get a daughter in law who you can go shopping with.

But having a son and making him feel unwanted is really going to make you both miserable.

Jeez, get a grip of yourself OP. How dramatic.

I've two daughters.
Both went off to uni and never returned to village . Now live many miles away and have their own life .
Im happy they did . You don't have kids with the intent you will be in constant contact , you are not giving birth to friends !
In fact I'd go as far as to say you've done a better job of bringing them up if they grow into strong , independent , curious about life ambitious individuals.

You need to feel what you’re feeling for a bit and work hard to get over it. There’s nothing wrong with your feelings but ultimately, you know one person might be massively close to her daughter and another might never understand her. Same with sons. All my children are the light of my life, the boys and the girls. You’ll have this child and adore him. His eventual partner may end up being a deeply loved member of your family. You need to put the work in - start with ensuring he’s welcomed into the world by his loving mummy.

Unfortunately you just need to get over it. You have a boy and that’s that. If you don’t he will pick up on your feelings, and it’s not going to be pleasant for neither of you.

I’m sorry but as a fellow boy mum get a grip! It’s a 50/50 chance on what you get and your preconceived notions will end up creating a toxic relationship with your son. Instead of expecting him to become distant you could work to create the relationship you want with your child… you know like all parents do

I'm sorry you are disappointed and you are allowed to feel that way, plenty of people do. However if it has been going on that long perhaps you do need to speak to someone about it, your little boy deserves so much love. I have a little boy who is 8 mo. I always thought I wanted a boy and a girl. I now think I'd just love another boy as he is the most loving little character you could wish for.

You mention about son's only being around until they have a wife and daughters sticking around. Anyone I know who is estranged from their parents is female, so that is something to keep in mind! My dad and older brother were both very close to my granny to the point were my brother moved in to help her a bit when she was older. My dad would have been at hers daily to see her too. I think it is more to do with how you bring kids up/their own personality and it is not a given you will be alone when older.

What advice are you expecting to get now that you didn’t get from the 217 responses to your identical previous post? This has to be a wind up Previous post

This thread has definitely already happened

Get a grip.

Second thread op.....maybe it's time to seek some mental health support.

You have the next few months to do the work on your childhood and decide who you are as an adult. It seems you haven't ever interrogated why your mother said that (because she happens to have daughters) and what she meant by it (probably not very much, at least not for you to shape your life by it).This will be the first of many things you need to work through in your mind if you are going to be the parent you want to be.

Now that I’ve seen the previous post, I’m starting to think this AI.

Just be grateful you have a child at all. There are lots of women TTC or who never have successful pregnancies. I do think you are catastrophising and might need some counselling.

Your mum was wrong.
She didn't have sons, so what did she know?
You will love him and he will love you.
But all children, male and female, these days grow up to be independent (if they are lucky) and are likely to move away.
That's why we all need friends. A friend is a friend for all of your life ... work on that and it will stop you feeling so insecure about your son.

I always suggest an abortion in these cases. If people find that unpalatable it tends to focus their minds a bit.

You need to stop this nonsense ASAP before the baby arrives. Your poor son doesn't deserve to be resented before he's even born.

Surely you realised when planning for a baby that there was a 50% chance of a boy?

My DH loves his mum, In a healthy good way. He misses her when she is not around, gets sad when she goes home (doesn’t live close), FaceTimes regularly with her for him and the kids, and helps financially support her as much as she will take etc. It genuinely depends on the relationship, so lean in. it’s hard when you get in your own head about this, also you’re Prego. Hormones do wild things, you’re definitely not the first to post this. It’s an adjustment to what you thought/expected.

I don't think the sex of the child has any bearing on the relationship at all but in my circles all the boys are very close to their families ..especially their mothers and the girls moved away with little contact.

It's about creating a strong bond and an independent individual who has their own life but stays in touch because they care about you and enjoy your company.

My husband speaks to his Mum every day! Please don't buy into this ridiculous stereotype about Mums and daughters. I was never into shopping/girls days out with mine past about 12/13, I wanted to be out with my mates!

I had the complete opposite.

I have always wanted a boy. I felt that a boy first just made sense.
I imagined having a close mum and son relationship and could imagine him as the big brother.

I refused to believe it when I was told it was a girl and I carried on buying boys things and had the name and everything chosen.
I had to have multiple scans due to issues and that’s the only thing I was concerned about.
Even after birth I asked what sex it was.

I feel awful about it now as my d tire pregnancy was clouded because I was so focused on wanting a boy.

My child could not have been more perfect and I am so grateful now but gender disappointment is very real and my biggest advice is to get over it as quickly as possible so that you can then focus on being excited about your new baby.

Bloody hell. How about thinking about women who can’t conceive? Be happy you’re pregnant with a healthy baby.

So much AI slop on Mumsnet right now.