Extreme Gender Disappointment

[CalmRubyPoster]

Extreme Gender Disappointment

I’m 19 weeks pregnant and just got my NIPT results-confirmed it’s a boy. And honestly… I cry every single day. I feel jealous when I see mother-daughter relationships, and I worry that I’ll never get to experience that with my own child. I’ve always wanted a daughter.

All my life, my mum-who has only daughters-used to say, “A daughter is a daughter for life. A son is yours only until he takes a wife.” And honestly, I see that pattern in my family. Most of my uncles and male cousins don’t really care for their parents once they marry. I worry about my son’s future spouse not liking me. I worry that the bond I have with him might get complicated.

I think that’s why having a daughter feels different-you remain her mum no matter what, even if her spouse dislikes you. That kind of bond seems… unshakeable.

Even as a healthcare worker, I find myself grieving in advance for moms of boys. Most of them end up really alone in their later years; it’s usually the daughters showing up, and it just feels so extreme.

Ever since I found out the gender, I haven’t felt excited at all-my heart races with anxiety and sadness thinking about the future. I just think what’s the point…

Will I eventually get the girl I’m dreaming for?

Have any other moms of boys felt like this? How do you navigate these feelings?
It’s a repost from my old post but my feelings haven’t got any better, I’m not being ungrateful or anything I’m just scared and uncertain.

Why make a new thread, the answers are going to be the same. You need serious help, not just more comments about how unreasonable you are being (which you obviously you completely are). I would genuinely be looking into adoption in your situation as it’s clear how unloved your poor son is going to be through no fault of its own.

FWIW, mum of two boys, if we are lucky enough to have a third I’d love another boy. Don’t dare pity us mums of boys, we’re doing just fine.

You need MH support. To be blunt, you’re being very, very silly. Firstly, all the girls/young women I know are far more independent than the boys/young men; secondly, have you not heard of the phrase Daddy’s Girl, Mummy’s boy?; finally, be grateful your child is healthy.

You have zero idea about what kind of character, they’ll be. Perhaps they’ll live at home with you until they’re 32? Perhaps they’ll be gay and won’t ever have a wife? Your son is a unique and precious individual. Stop making up crap about what your relationship with him will be - because there’s every likelihood you’re completely wrong.

Have any other moms of boys felt like this? How do you navigate these feelings?

Nope, never felt this when I had boys. Was a bit disappointed when I had a girl as it meant buying new stuff, such as school uniforms, rather than the convenience and ethics of hand me downs.

They are adults. Everything you say about boys vs girls and parental relationships is absolute dung dust so you are melting down about problems that don’t exist. Get assistance.

What I say on these threads is my daughter is disabled and I’d much rather a healthy boy.

my DH is close to his family, such a lovely bond. Whereas my sisters and I are distant from our Mum.

just love your boy, accept his future partner and be in his life.

You knew it was 50/50 when you TTC. If you’d wanted a mini-me, you only had a 1 in 2 chance of getting one.

There are roughly one million threads on here started by mums disappointed that they’re having a boy.

I’m a mum of two boys. They are not a different species, which is what a sizeable minority of women seem to believe.

You are so lucky to be blessed with a child when so many women struggle to make that dream a reality. You get to choose how you raise your son. So raise him to be kind, sensitive and caring and maybe he’ll stick around.

I have a daughter and it is a wonderful experience and I hope you get to have that too (hopefully you can have more than one baby) but my late sister had all boys so I’m very close to my now adult nephews. They all live less than 5 mins walk away, visit me regularly, ask my advice and I am very close to their wives and now their children.
I love them like sons and enjoy our relationship which has remained strong since they were children.

My best friend is very close to her adult sons. It’s about how you raise them.

Right now you’re rejecting your poor son before you’ve even met him. Maybe get some counselling so you can rationalise what you’re feeling and adjust your expectations. And give him the love and care he deserves. And definitely don’t be wasting your energy feeling sorry for other mums of boys because they’re likely perfectly happy with having a healthy baby. That is all most people ask for.

Give it a rest. Be grateful you are able to conceive. Many couples go through hell trying to have a family , often without success. If you dont want your baby there are plenty who would love him

Oh I just knew it would be a boy.
wait until the teenage years....you'll be glad you have a boy then!

STOP POSTING THE SAME THREAD.

You posted the same thing, basically word for word, a couple of weeks ago. Did you think the baby’s penis might have disappeared in that time and are now suddenly shocked to discover it’s a boy AGAIN?

Mumsnet should take this down. It’s an insult.

You can never tell in advance how your children will turn out. If you can't cope with that uncertainty then you shouldn't have them.

Your poor poor son. With this attitude towards him I wouldn’t blame him if he leaves you alone when he grows up. You need to change your attitude quickly, he’ll pick up on it and it will damage him. You should just be grateful you’re having a healthy baby.

I think you’re a disappointment

Didn’t you make a thread the other day?? that one upset me too. I just want a child I’d carry to term and you’re extremely upset and cry every day that it’s a boy? Fucking get a grip.

Oh OP don’t be sad! I remember feeling this way and being so guilty about it (I didn’t admit it to anyone. I now have a girl and a boy and I love my boy so so much. It’s different and amazing being mum of boys. There’s no telling how adult relationships with daugters will turn out- it’s all down to the work you put in as they grow up and luck. Love the ones you get. 💐

"Will I eventually get the girl I’m dreaming for?"

Probably not.

You don’t deserve children. Your poor son, I pity him. He deserves better than you.

This is ridiculous- do we need two posts. Sorry you are struggling but if you are this upset about a boy, maybe you should have decided to have children.

Some boys are close to their parents some aren’t, some girls are close to their parents- some aren’t.

If you are this upset please speak to your midwife.

Why post the same thread again?

🫂

ops a bot, don’t get upset by some AI slop.

You’re just focused on you and whether he’ll leave you and how this feels sad for you. Get a fucking grip and focus on loving this innocent little baby who didn’t ask you to make him to serve your own idea of a perfect life.

Poor little lad.

For context, i had six miscarriages. Eventually got my one boy who is the apple of our eyes. I just focus on enjoying each day with him. All I hope for him is that he has a happy future! Not whether he makes mine happy!

I have a 25yo Dd I never hear from if that makes you feel any better. We’re not NC but she just can’t be arsed/is busy. She rings if she needs money but otherwise doesn’t answer texts or contact us. She’s happy to get taken out for lunch/shopping and we get in fine for a day but then I don’t hear from her for months. So don’t think a daughter is for life because it’s not always true.

I could have written this one too!

Oh, I wouldn't worry about your son's future wife, OP. Many, many wives will tell you that their sons will never stand up for their wives against Mummy Dearest, because their mum comes first. When push comes to shove, they choose Mum. Men are famous for putting their mothers above their wives. I think boys can often have a very strong bond with their mums and I think daughters seek independence earlier than sons. I also know a few women who have been absolutely foul to their mothers in adulthood, and who certainly were NOT there when their mothers were dying. It really depends on the child's character rather than their sex. Bring them up well, and it will be fine.

My brother stayed within walking distance of our mother for his whole life. Whereas I moved away at 18 and never went back to live.

I was thrilled when I gave birth to my first and he was a boy. I was dreading he might be a girl so didn't ask to find out the sex beforehand.

With my second, I did ask and hoped it would be another boy. Yes! Two sons who are now 26 and 27. I ended up being a single parent when I divorced their dad when they were toddlers. They have been an absolute joy.

And just a note, you don't have children just so they will 'look after you' in later life. You have children to raise them well and be proud when they live independent and healthy lives.