Baby Shower Gift List - How rude????

[bacon]

Had an invite to a baby shower with a gift list - how rude is that?
Surely gifts should be personal according to expenditure and how friendly you are with that person. I cant think of anything sader than a woman opening her presents without her partner being present and how embarassing to fluant your gifts in front of others. Presents should be given to both parents after the birth and all is well. I've never spent more than £20 on a gift anyway. Its another commercialised spin whats the matter with a nice party with fun and food, good old friendship! My husband would be horrified if I had sent a "want list" around and I'd deffinately wouldnt have any friends left either! We should all stick together on this and say NO! I'm not doing this!!

"i'm currently trying to figure out how to reiterate the point that they never gave us wedding gifts so they better make sure to buy out all the things on this list if they want to keep on civil grounds with me"

how utterly grim.

Nope, gift lists for babyshowers is a horrible idea. sorry.

I think baby showers are tacky;- un-asked for gift lists more so-especially when sent out with invitations.

I see nothing wrong with having a list on Amazon ready to go when people ask for directions though. I belive it should contain a variety of non-expensive items as well as the more expensive

Have to say that proper gift lists in general are abit weird to me although i do see the practical element.

I actually went to a 1 year old babies birthday party and the invitation said

No Boxed Gifts

For a childs birthday party... but I come from a culture where money or gold is given anyway, so never need to specify but still.

Why tacky.... i think it nice to get together with your friends and just have a nice evening of baby talk and food. The next time you seem them like this you will be caring for your baby so the time to chat and gossip will be limited.

What does "no boxed gifts" mean?

Mixedmama,
It's the expectation that people have to bring gifts that I find tacky and those horrible American games that people play. Nothing wrong with a nice tea party though.

Oh i see... we ar enot having games at the one i am organising... not sure it would be the mums cuppa tea.

No Boxed Gifts basically means money.

but not phrased as eloquently as it could be

I did hear of a couple who asked for receipts for the gifts so her Dad could claim tax back on them! Oddly enough there were a lot of no-shows!

Before I had DS my colleagues were amazed that I hadn't set up a baby list at Babies R Us or Giggle - it's the done thing in America I think. As it happens, they ended up sending us a ride-on rocket car which is fantastic and something I would never have put on a list.

As for weddings - I think lists are fine as most people would expect to buy something as a wedding present. I hate it when people ask for cash though - it's like charging people for their meal at the reception.

We had an Oxfam gift-list so people could buy donkeys or condoms or build a loo in Ethiopia

I'm American too and I don't think it's rude.

Some people need a bit of help in getting baby items.

Don't know about anyone else, and without wishing to appear ungrateful, I did end up with expensive things that I had no use for.

Um, silver spoons and forks? Summer outfits that cost a ton that DS was able to wear ONCE! Thoughtful, but what a waste of money....

Oh and when you're registered, other people can choose how much or how little they want to spend.

yeah i never added anything more than £15.00 and made a short list of more expensive (under £50.00) items for people who might want to spend a little more.

leonieD..your in london right? i'd throw you one if you wanted.

me to i love throwing parties for anything

mixedmama, what are you mixed with?

think it's more about the way in which a list is put forward, we made a wedding website with all our details and had at the bottom "Your Presence is more important than presents, but if you really would like to get us something, we have a list at John Lewis"...weren't even going to have a list but people kept asking us what we wanted...our wedding was in France and a lot of our graduate friends didn't get us presents but made the journey for the wedding which was much mroe important - wealthier relatives were able to contribute as we didn't have much for a home together. So long as it's optional and you aren't made to feel bad for not getting something then I don't see the harm

I hand't even thought of baby showers but I've had several friends ask if I'm having one! there's not really anything else we need as we've been given so much already, but I'd love the excuse to have an afternoon with my closest friends having a laugh and lots of cake before I can only handle seeing people a few at a time for an hour at a time...presents like lots of cotton wool and baby wipes always appreciated! actually....babysitting vouchers even more so!

Thanks for everyone?s input I think that manners and etiquette seem to be slipping away from British society and it?ll be one thing that my child will be strongly taught. Because another country does it doesn?t make it acceptable here and think that magazines like Hello and other really naff autobiography by celebs do nothing for the ?wannabees? thinking that if its good enough for them its good enough for me. I think for once if people said ?No? than just going along with the flow and keeping their heads down we?ll pitch this ridiculous idea in the bud. Otherwise the next big thing will be gift lists for proposed weaning day, first day at creche and so on?..

My British friends (I'm American) threw me a baby shower (I didn't ask for one) and kept asking me what I still needed. I vaguely mentioned a few things to give them some ideas but the woman organising it asked me to give her some links to specific things at places like Mothercare, John Lewis, etc... None of these women had their own children and had no clue what kind/size to get of anything so they wanted me to tell them exactly what I needed. I never once expected anything nor did they feel obliged to provide me with things. They wanted to help me out because I'm their friend. I don't think I could be friends with anyone who would think so poorly of me for merely stating in a matter-of-fact way what I need when asked.

I like the idea of a get together before baby is born.

But it's so crude to write a list of things you want. I would never buy a gift from a list, it gives the impression of being obilgatory. A gift should be given because you want to, not because you have to, it becomes a demand.

It's just not very eco-friendly is it? Kind of sets the idea in stone that you have to have everything brand new. Also having my mum or MIL organise a list would be my idea of a nightmare!
Anyway I would have thought a pre-baby get-together ought to be more about celebrating the mum-to-be's last days of freedom so I would give a mum-centred gift myself, maybe something pampery or delicious, either for now or the long nights ahead.

no baby showers here yet and not for me but

if they're thrown by friends as a surprise oarty for mum-to-be i think its really nice

If mum throws it i think it is frankly bizarre and acquisitive

No problem with wedding lists, I use them or ignore them at will. Did have a friend ask for money towards item in antique shop that necessitated 5 minute drive to cintribute to and got a bit miffed that shop owner kept list of who gavw what for the couple but het- lets just say they got their karma threefold

Thinling about it, a 'freecycle' shower could be cool- bring something you no longer need affair

amitymama - that's the way that it's supposed to work though. Your friends asked you what you needed, you didn't foist your wish list on them unasked.

If you were in the USA then it would be completely normal to have a shower with a wish list, because that is the custom there. I don't have a problem with that, I have a problem with people who are not American and not living in America trying to fleece all their friends by holding a party that has no tradition in British society.