Baby Shower Gift List - How rude????

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Had an invite to a baby shower with a gift list - how rude is that?
Surely gifts should be personal according to expenditure and how friendly you are with that person. I cant think of anything sader than a woman opening her presents without her partner being present and how embarassing to fluant your gifts in front of others. Presents should be given to both parents after the birth and all is well. I've never spent more than £20 on a gift anyway. Its another commercialised spin whats the matter with a nice party with fun and food, good old friendship! My husband would be horrified if I had sent a "want list" around and I'd deffinately wouldnt have any friends left either! We should all stick together on this and say NO! I'm not doing this!!

I agree with another poster that I don't think you should ever send out a gift list in any invitation, wedding, baby shower, whatever. There's nothing to stop anyone having a list to hand if someone asks though, I agree. What I objected to re my friend is the way there was no real effort made to invite me to the event in question in a timely way that I coudl attend, but it was perfectly acceptable to hit me up for a gift.

...i see what your saying. i don't send gifts if i'm not eating the food. but i'm crass like that.

I've had and given baby showers. When organising I always asked mum to be if there was any particular items/colour schemes they were interested in so that we could buy gifts accordingly but we're talking about small things. When I had ds2, work threw me a baby shower and made me do a list as they said that I'd probably got everything I needed first time round so they'd rather get me stuff we wanted etc. To be honest, when I've been involved in these, it was more about buying cute baby clothes to coo over and special treats for the mum to be and a chance for her to see everyone before giving birth than personalised invites and gift lists!!!

Think a baby shower is a nice idea but a gift list is a bit much IMO - wedding list I don't object to but I didn't have one and wouldn't have considered it.

Had a recent wedding invite which said

The only gift which 'Jemima' and 'Dougall' really want is for you to come and share their special day with them. If you really wish to purchase a gift for them some vouchers for John Lewis would be greatly appreciated in helping 'Jemima' and 'Dougall' set up home together.

or something along those lines..

Thought that was quite well worded. I am not getting them anything because It is costing us quite a lot to go transport and accomodation wise and my friend is just happy that I am coming. At least they will be able to choose things they want and need for their home with the vouchers from those who do decise to get them.

yeah the baby shower my friends threw for me...they asked about color schemes and anything i wanted specifically. i said nuetral colors for the decoration but gifts weren't needed since we're all grad students.

the family one though, i might assign gifts according to how many people per household.

I'm having a baby shower at my flat on Saturday - it may be a cheesy American invention but for me it's an excuse to have a fun afternoon and get everyone together as I don't expect I'll have much time for a while after the birth.

I'm providing food, drinks and maybe a couple of games but haven't asked for any gifts. However, nearly everyone who's coming has asked me what I want for the baby and some even asked if I had a list! I just replied that we don't expect anything but if you want to bring something small then clothes for 3 - 6 months onwards are appreciated.

From my (limited) experience I think people expect to bring a present to a baby shower and maybe some people are unsure of what to bring (let's face it, it's still not common practice over here and no one I know, including me, has ever been to one!).......however, I think a list is pushing it a little too far!

Eandz I'm by your attitude.

You got married and expected presents? Where did you get married? Presumably your guests had to pay to travel to your wedding.

You're now going to use your own child as some kind of bargaining chip to claw back what you see as rightfully yours?

Disgusting attitude if you ask me.

mandspice,
I hope you have a wonderful shower! it's soo much fun and the love and excitement of your friends really reminds you of how much your newborn will be loved!

Yes mandspice and be sure to buy a gift that reflects the size of your household. It's only fair after all

I had a joint baby shower for me and two friends due at the same time - we just had a fun evening eating lots and having a giggle about pregnancy/childbirth and parenting. The only gift I got was a notebook where everyone wrote their top tips/offers of babysitting/cleaning etc for after baby was born... I would never dream of a 'gift list'

Never expect presents for something you have invited people to - it's just rude. The only exception I can see is possily wedding lists for relatives if they ask what to get you.

Re: family not buying wedding presents, I'd be asking why rather than getting all uptight. Maybe travelling to the wedding was expense enough? Maybe they don't like you very much?

And don't get me started on baby showers

I had a baby shower that was organised by my friends as a celebration of the exciting time and a chance to catch up before the s**t hits the fan! No i didnt have a list and i didnt expect presents but people did ask me what i needed and i told them.

Hmmm, this baby shower is definitely becoming more popular. A US based friend of mine suggested I have one but I figured I'd have trouble selling the concept to my friends.

"Come to my house where no alcohol will be served and buy me presents". Erm, no.

Mind you we didn;t have a proper wedding list either - well, we set one up at JLewis but didn't send details out in the wedding invitation. We waited for people to ask which, personally, I think is nicer.

Assuming people should buy you gifts for an occasion like that is cheeky IMHO although I realise wedding lists with the invite are now standard.

The fact that people are so scared of getting something they don't want amuses me. It's all a bit bratty.

Urgh, I hate all gift lists. Crass beyond belief. But a baby shower one is just taking the piss. It's saying 'I expect presents'. No class.

Oh for goodness sake, how virtuous you all are and, at the same time so mean. I think a baby gift list is a perfectly acceptable idea and not rude at all. I didn't have a baby shower with DS1 but we did have a list with John Lewis which allowed all of our family to buy the things we really needed (pram/cot and accessories) without either having to bother us or buy something that we didn't need that didn't fit with the rest of our house. A colleague at work also asked what I wanted as a leaving present and I sent them the list. Everything was delivered, in one go and with no hassle. What's wrong with that? Admittedly I didn't send the list out with the birth annoucements though!

As for baby showers, I think it's a perfectly nice way to celebrate with your friends. If you don't want to buy them a present, don't buy them one! Or go off-list! If you are worried that you will look mean spirited in front of your friends then don't. You are, and you may as well not be ashamed of that.

Most friends would be happy to buy a gift for a baby that the mother would appreciate and put to good use. And most new mothers are so knackered and brain dead they certainly don't want receive constant phone calls asking what they would like as a present.

I hate present lists. So aquisitive and souless. Negate any respect for the giver and his or her judgement. Horrible American import.

It also sends out the message that a gift is more or less compulsory and this sort of consumerist, collecting of stuff attitude cuts across really feelings which are nothing to do with tings and there aquisition.

I remember an awful experience at a baby shower party where everyone sat round and one by one the gifts were displayed, talked about, cooed over and the giver was applauded. The sense of competition was palpable.

I missed the point and brought the baby a plastic mobile phone to gnaw on .... but I had really come to welcome the new life and show love and support to my friends in their new role as parents. I didn't feel, however,there was much room left for such sentimentality in amongst all the practicality.

Maybe you come from a wealthier set of friends than me@fruitstick, I dunno? In my circle of friends I don't expect presents and would be grateful for anything I received and for the personal thought attached - or just for the company of good female friends helping me welcome my baby into the world.

I can't think of anything worse than arranging a big list of over priced pink/blue tat at John lewis and basically asking my friends to buy it for me. I shudder at the thought. The best present I got from a friend when DS was born was a plant, which she planted by hand in my garden to mark his arrival. I thought that was sweeter and more memorable than me ordering her to buy me a Mamas & Papas matching muff aset or some such rot.

Actually my friends didn't buy me anything from the list - they all bought thoughtful, lovely presents, most of them under a tenner. I didn't tell most of them that we even had a list.

The list was for family and friends of the family who wanted to help us out with the big stuff as we don't have very much money and would have struggled to buy it ourselves.

The notion that requesting something that you really need is being ungrateful in some way is nonsense, and neither does it imply that you are expecting something.

The same goes for wedding lists. I have some friends who married recently and requested money as a gift. I'm sure you would have thought this terribly vulgar but actually, they had paid for they wedding themselves and our donations were the only way they were ever going to be able to afford to go on honeymoon. I'd much rather give them that than a teapot or something 'thoughtful'.

Thankfully I live in the provinces and baby showers have yet to arrive.

However, I have to say that I actually quite like it when people enclose a gift list with the wedding invitation. They know that many people attending the wedding would like to buy a gift, and have made it easy for us to get the right thing and make sure we don't duplicate.

Likewise I have a few friends who have set things up with travel agencies so we are contributing to their honeymoon rather than bringing an actual gift. Again, I think that's fine as I am helping to get them a holiday they'd never have been able to afford otherwise.

I've never experienced any pressure to have to buy a gift, but I think it is reasonable to assume that some people will want to mark the occasion in this way.

In response to the OP, I think including a gift list is ok, they should include all price brackets anyway.

I am organising a baby shower for my sister in law and did include a note about a spa that we would like to get as many vouchers for as possible so that she can have the mum to be package whilst on maternity leave, but I did also make sure that it was phrased "if they wanted to buy a gift" and they were welcome to buy a gift for mother or baby if they preferred.

I think also that baby showers are as much about focussing on the mum rather than the baby so much.

Yes it is very popular over here, you'll have registry at babies R us or Sears. People invited can go to these places or check online to see what is on your list so they know what you want.

I know some people in the UK do wedding lists, my friends abut 7 years ago has one at John Lewis.

In some ways though I don't think it's a bad thing. The lists normally have expensive to cheap stuff so everyone can afford something. Plus you can see what already has been bought so your not wasting your money buying the same thing.

Also personally I would rather help somebody out by buying them something they actually need than a trivia baby outfit which they probably don't need. Diapers, a diaper pail a changing mat or baby bottles will be used much long than clothes.

Also over here in my own experience baby showers are normally thrown my your mother or MIL and its normally females family members that are invited and only very close friends.

Normally the people who would buy you something when your baby is born anyway. Also the list is normally written by the person throwing the shower.

My best friend when she had hers was so shocked by some of her presents because she had no idea what was on the list. That was part of her surprise.

Its a way family and friends can help a couple starting a family together. We all know having babies are expensive. I don't think its a bad thing at all. It depends on how you look at it.

when i was expecting my LO, my friend organised a baby shower adn we put together a list of all the little bits we still needed to get. we had already got the cot and pram etc . we put in the invite that people could RSVP to her over the phone or e-mail but didn't mention presents.
However, when anyone asked "do they need anything for the baby" she could say "actually,yes they need a night light etc" but left them the option to get something else if they wanted.
That way they only knew there was a list if they actually asked.
We didn't get any negative feedback, in fact most people said it was very practical cos we didn't end up with endless pressies we didn't use or need.