Negative reactions to announcing a third pregnancy

[El91]

I’m 10 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby, I already have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I just told my parents today and honestly I’m a bit annoyed by their reactions, especially my mums. With my 1st baby they were over the moon, and they were also excited for my 2nd as I think they were expecting it.
When I told them today about the 3rd my mums face dropped and all she said was ‘no way’ and then went on to ask me if it was a surprise (it wasn’t). It all just felt very cold and judgemental and I can’t help but feel a bit hurt and disappointed. There was no congratulations, no hug, nothing. She didn’t even ask when I was due and just didn’t seem happy at all.
I’m dreading telling other people now in case I get the same reaction. I think with 3rd babies everyone just assumes that it wasn’t planned. Has anyone else has negative reactions towards a 3rd baby? I know it shouldn’t matter what other people think but it’s really annoyed me.

you should mention to them how hurt they made you feel. it's not about them, they should have shown you love and support.
What is wrong with people Very tactless towards your own daughter.
Would they have liked their parents doing that to them.

My mother is very judgmental and has opinions on almost everything. She was delighted when my brother and SIL announced their pregnancy. Whereas when I announced mine she was devastated and has since told me that her and my father were very unwell in the days after, this was all because my family set up is non-traditional and not what she expected.

Is it possible you mother has a vision of the perfect family, mum, dad, two kids- and now you’ve varied what she thinks is perfect?

Jealous maybe? She’s not providing childcare so why not just be happy for you? Weird response from your mother.

My family were over the moon for my first, was a complete surprise as my husband and I had planned to wait 2 years after getting married but that didn’t happen 😂 anyway, I announced my 2nd 1 year earlier than I had told everyone I was planning a second (we had a last min change of heart and wanted a 3 year rather than 4 year gap) and my nan looked at me very worried and disapproving and said ‘what did your mum and sister say’ as if people were going to be disappointed. I’m not sure why because no one has ever done any childcare for me, we live abroad and are financially comfortable, my mum and sister were extremely happy and positive. My nan had a 4.5 year gap between her kids and has always said it’s the best way and 2 young ones is a bad idea, I guess that’s why she was shocked. Everyone’s reaction is a reflection of what they would do if they were in your shoes I think.

I dont want to be goady but am really surprised to not see any mention of impact on environment, resources of larger families? I would have loved more but that certainly played into my decision making.
Can see how that reaction would be upsetting

My father in law said “I hope this will be the last one now” after our third was born. It’s not like they ever babysit or have anything to do with their grandkids, nor ask about their interests or how they’re getting on at school or anything, so not really sure why it bothered him so much!

Don’t be too downhearted. I can remember telling my lovely Mum about number 3 and she was quite cross saying it would be too much for me. She was an occasional babysitter. She absolutely adored number 3 and was fantastic support as a Mum and Grandma. My children all have fond memories and it was number 3 who wrote and read an amazing eulogy at her funeral ❤️

I’m pregnant with number 3 and have also just leant that people reacted so differently about the news. I have countless people asking if it’s an accident, including my in laws! I am annoyed by their reactions but other than that I cannot care less about what they think. I do care about what my two kids think though and they are so happy about it.

They’ve just allowed (literally less than a week ago) people to claim universal credit for over two children. So announcing a third pregnancy is going to be awkward and judge inducing for a little while.

3 under 5 years is hard work OP. I'm sure when baby is here they'll be loved and cooed over just like their siblings.

I had 6dc and by my 5th and 6th, I only shared my pregnancies at 20 weeks plus.

My family didn't help in any respect and were (still are) very judgemental.

I feel for you.

Congratulations and wishing you all the best.
💐

@El91 Maybe your mum had different expectations for you rather than being a "baby making machine". I know my mum would've viewed it that way, along with some considerations for the environment. Back in the day it was mostly more uneducated women that had larger families. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but it was something of a consensus.

@ginasevernbut its 2026...

My mum reacted negatively to my first
because she wanted my brother to give her the first grandchild 🤨
My dad was overjoyed and couldn’t stop crying

She reacted even worse to my second pregnancy and when we told her it was twins even worse again

My SIL told me I’ve always got to be one better. As if I had a choice about twins 🤣
Just about sums up some peoples attitude I’m afraid

Nevertheless
My parents were always wonderful with them after they were born
My SIL still has a chip though

Congratulations OP

And that makes a difference because? Are you saying that women with large families in the 1960's weren't positively celebrated but in 2026 they actually are? If anything I think they're probably less so now due to our environmental enlightenment.

@ginasevernDon't know why your making that assumption.
My point being women in 2026 have more choices and knowledge then previous generations.

Sorry your Mum was so upsetting - I would be hurt too.

People in general were off with me about my third. We got lots of comments about having our hands full and also about not being able to go on holiday or go in cars - as if no one has ever had three and functioned just fine. A colleague warned me that my relationships with the first 2 would be awful as I would be stuck with the baby and spend less time with them, and another woman told me we have 2 hands because we can only keep 2 children safe.

I think a lot of people wonder about having 3 and don't do it for practical reasons so they sort of want you to not do it and manage fine.

I remember every single hurtful and judgemental comment and hold grudges! I absolutely love having 3. We travel loads, have loads of fun and are all really close. The kids all get on really well and enjoy each other's company. I see living my best life with them as an 'f you' to all the people who were rude to me when I was pregnant.

Yeah, my family were quite shocked, there had been a long line of 1 or 2 children on both sides, never three. They don’t see the ‘point’ of having more than two. The only thing that would make sense to them was that we were ‘trying for a girl’ after our two DSs. We weren’t trying at all. But I’ve never told any family members that our third was unplanned because I know what they’re like. That would have been the label they gave the child for life. Would have blatantly called the child a mistake.

I made sure that I knew our 3rd was a boy (amniocentesis) before telling them about the pregnancy. My DM still tried to tell me “they sometimes get it wrong”. “Not on a genetic level, Mum…”

Congratulations on your pregnancy - enjoy it.

Honestly you can’t please everyone. All that matters is that you and your partner are happy. And honestly we had the same response to telling my parents that we are choosing to only have 1: sadly it’s so ingrained to have 2 children as the norm thst people cant deal if you don’t do that!!

We had a DD and DS. Announced twin pregnancy to my mom (youngest was 9mo) and she just said oh, ok 🤣🤣 feel your pain, OP. We were scared and excited and got not much of anything. We don’t have the most supportive families assumed that was why!

I'm not talking about the Victorian era. Married women had access to the pill from 1961 and by 1966 it was widely used. By 1967 it was available to unmarried women. But women had been educated about "family planning" (as it was called), since the Marie Stopes' birth control clinics and books first appeared in 1918. From then on large families became a thing of the past, and by the 1930's the average family of any demographic only had 2 children. By the early 1970's only one in 20 women had 3 or more children. So there was plenty of knowlege over 100 years ago and for almost 70 years women have had access to chemical contraception.