Pregnant at 42 and embarrassed/terrified

[Peg123]

Hi,
I’m 42 and 8 weeks pregnant. This was a planned pregnancy however it took me a long time to decide to try for a baby. I fell pregnant after the first try and it was a complete shock that it happened so quickly and I have been extremely anxious since then. When this baby is born I will be 43 and my husband 47. I do really worry about what people will say regarding our age. I obviously knew how old we were before we started trying but now I’m pregnant it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t stop thinking that when that child is 20 my husband will be 67. I worry that one of us will die before they grow up and that they will not be healthy. I worry that I will not bond with the baby and will not love them. My anxieties are completely on top of me and I have not been able to get excited to the point where I am considering terminating this pregnancy. I have been constantly sad. Has anyone been in a similar position?

My aunt had her girls at 44 and 46

Guessing you don’t live in the south east oif you feel embarrassed at 42/43!

Your first baby?

Are you worried about complications?

Average life expectancy in the UK is mid 80s. So since you won't be dying of 'old age' your likelihood of dying while they are a child is very similar to anyone of fertile age. If you were 32 would you be worrying about dying?

I had my youngest at 41, he's now 13 and I'm still managing to lead a notmal healthy life in my mid 50s.

My mum was 42 when I was born. Friend of mine had both her children in her 40s. My dd is about to have baby 2 at 42.
You're good! Congratulations! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and a good birth and a healthy baby. 💗

Please don’t be embarrassed! It’s really common for mams to be in their 40s!
enjoy your baby, xx

I think that a lot of that is normal pregnancy anxieties, but you have a pre existing concern that they’re now attaching themselves to. Have you got a midwife appointment yet? I think that if this was a wanted and planned pregnancy, that what you are feeling is being driven by hormones and it would be worth asking for some antenatal anxiety support from the midwife team.

Congratulations…. Try to stop worrying and enjoy your pregnancy and baby.

Congratulations!
I did have some children younger than you @Peg123 but had my last two at almost 40 and almost 43. My youngest two are 28 and 25 and I’m a fit and healthy 68 year old and my OH, their Dad, is not doing too badly at 77.
I can feel a bit maudlin a times, that they won’t have their parents around for as long as the older children will, but we never regret having them and they don’t seem to mind having older parents. I did dye my hair until the youngest one left school, I always said I didn’t want people to think I was her granny rather than her mum!
I know a couple of people my age who were born when their parents were in their 40s because the women didn’t think they could still get pregnant. It wasn’t unusual to have a baby ‘on the change’ back in the day.
Keep yourself as healthy as you can, talk to your midwife about your anxiety and hopefully you’ll sail through this pregnancy and have a beautiful, healthy baby at the end of it.

Congratulations op!

42 is 42, not 82, you're fine.

Is this your first? I don't know about anyone else, but the reality of pregnancy sent me a bit crazy for a while. DC1, much wanted with my adored new husband, conceived straight away, pretty good life timing really but on the slightly young end (26) although my age meant I was more carefree than now! Freaked out for a while and was scared to tell people. DC2, much wanted and after several years of waiting and then 6+ years of pregnancy related heartache, infertility and intervention... When the reality hit I freaked the HELL out!! Too old, too worried, not fair on DC1, didn't want to tell anyone, etc.... It passed. Life happens as it does, and even perfect plans can feel less than perfect, imperfect plans or lack thereof can be a blessing, and unforeseen circumstance can upend anything. Try and enjoy the ride and put your age out of your mind. Xx

Had my second at 45 , literally no one has batted an eyelid. Had very healthy pregnancy. Labour etc . I have upped my exercise and look after myself so I am a healthy and fit older mum

40. Is the new age due to cost of living and 100% down/Edward’s test

Mine too! You're either my cousin or its not all that rare.

My entire NCT group was over 35! 42 is very normal, especially where I am in London. Please dont worry this is anxiety talking. Congratulations on your pregnancy! X

I was very nearly 46 when DS was born. I couldn't care less what other people thought.

I had my first at 42, second at 43. Nobody sad a thing. Even the hospital treated me as normal other than offering me the nuchal fold scan. Probably Advanced Maternal Age in my notes but no one said anything to me. My sister had hers at 45 and a friend at 46. Honestly many women have kids in their 40s.

Sorry first at 41.

Where do you live? Some tiny sheltered town where everyone is married with kids at 25?

If you feel that embarrassed, move to London where you’ll blend in very easily.

Maybe your anxiety is due to hormones but do not terminate as you clearly want this.

You can either choose to look at this in a negative way, or instead look at it this way; your body has allowed you to do something absolutely outstanding, and its meant to be that you are growing this little life inside of you.

Its all about your mindset.

Somebody could have a baby at 30 and die the next year, nothing is guaranteed.

Anxious thoughts are common in pregnancy, and I wonder if its a way of you trying to keep yourself from getting too excited in case you're nervous something negative happens. Try your hardest not to ruminate on them and just enjoy the ride!!

Why are you embarrassed? I just had a baby at 38 that’s not much younger than you. My mum had me at almost 39 and she is still alive and well and was a great mum to me I wouldn't wish for anything different . It’s a shock realising you are pregnant at any age. I remember the awful shock I got when I got pregnant at 32. That’s normal.

I had my only child at 42. DH was 50. I live north/Midlands. No-one has ever commented on my age. There were lots of similar-aged parents at the school gate. My pregnancy was uneventful and I felt fantastic throughout. Average birth - 14 hours, forceps. Healthy baby, happy child.

A colleague who was pregnant 12 months after me said I was the only person who had said anything positive to her about pregnancy. 42 is not old. Give thanks, trust nature - and don't curdle your blood by going to see Sweeney Todd in month five!

Where I live in East Midlands it’s very common to have older mums, think many go to uni and get a
career underway than think of kids like me … had my first at 36 and second at 40

I had our 3rd later than you. Yes, not planned at all but such a blessing.
Don't worry too much. It's less uncommon now than most think.

I had a baby at 40 and another one at 45. I was incredibly proud that my amazing body was able to carry and then deliver two gorgeous babies. Congratulations. My kids are now 13 and 9 and me and dh are the oldest out of the parents but so what? Someone has to be.

Pre, easily available, contraception lots of women carried on having babies into their 40's. In fact they carried on until their body decided no more, your body is happy to have one so go with it.