Pregnant at 42 and embarrassed/terrified

[Peg123]

Hi,
I’m 42 and 8 weeks pregnant. This was a planned pregnancy however it took me a long time to decide to try for a baby. I fell pregnant after the first try and it was a complete shock that it happened so quickly and I have been extremely anxious since then. When this baby is born I will be 43 and my husband 47. I do really worry about what people will say regarding our age. I obviously knew how old we were before we started trying but now I’m pregnant it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t stop thinking that when that child is 20 my husband will be 67. I worry that one of us will die before they grow up and that they will not be healthy. I worry that I will not bond with the baby and will not love them. My anxieties are completely on top of me and I have not been able to get excited to the point where I am considering terminating this pregnancy. I have been constantly sad. Has anyone been in a similar position?

I had my daughter at 43 after 7 years of trying and numerous IVF cycles. I'm now 49 and she's 6 and I don't really think about it too much. I'm way older than all the school mums but day to day it doesn't make much difference. Nobody really notices.

Just pointing out the obvious, but if you terminate this pregnancy you are saying you're not going TJ have children, is that what you want now?

you're never going to be younger than you are today!!

I think it's just a shock to have got pregnant as soon as you started 'trying'!

there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about!

there are always concerns when you're pregnant, all you can do is look after yourself & focus on the exciting fact that you're pregnant. Put yourself in the best position to deal with any issues as they arise & don't worry in advance. It won't help if anything is an issue xx

My sister has just had her first healthy 9lb boy at the grand age of 49 3/4, I had my daughter at 38, its kept us young and involved! Normal to be anxious, started walking, cut out ultra processed muck, started a gratitude journal, no one cares! Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives...

Sounds like hormonal anxiety to me. Be gentle with yourself but remind yourself that these thoughts are not reality, they are your anxious brain tricking you into thinking everything will be terrible. You really aren't that old (my sis had a baby at 47, no IVF and lovely healthy child) - best of luck to you, please don't fret.

I get it. I gave birth the day before my 43rd birthday and even though she was very much wanted and we’d been trying for a long time, I felt embarrassed until a good few months into my pregnancy. I wish I hadn’t and I can’t really explain it, because I was happy and excited too. Every time I told someone I was pregnant though, I felt the need to make some stupid self deprecating joke about being a geriatric mother. My daughter’s 7 months old now and my age honestly doesn’t cross my mind or bother me anymore. She’s amazing and I feel very lucky to have her. And I know so many other women who have had babies over 40, it’s really not that unusual. Good luck, and congratulations.

Congratulations! 42 and 45 here, with our first little one who turned 5 months old yesterday. Nobody has said anything other than congrats- everyone has been excited for us. Lean into it and enjoy - this parenting malarkey is the wildest, most awesome ride ever, so far. Loved every single minute. Hated pregnancy though 😂 Also, we’ve made really good friends with a bunch of 30-something parents, and another two first-time-mums who are also 42 and 43. Don’t worry about what people might think at all!

Exactly. My grandad mum was 47 when she had him!

I got pregnant at 39 had a healthy baby at 40, I don’t care what anyone else thinks, and any person can die,
young or old. Its better to have older, secure stable loving parents than young ones that are incapable or just crap!

My friend had her first (and only) much wanted and naturally conceived baby when she was 50.

My two favourite mum friends had babies older than you… If you child is loved and wanted and comes into a loving home that’s what’s most important, isn’t it..? (And your child could go through losing a parent relatively early, but then so do people like me whose parents get a horrible illness in middle age…)

I get it OP. I had my one and only at 42. I thought about termination as I was so shocked to be pregnant after years of never getting pregnant. I’d given up. I’d accepted it wasn’t gong to happen. I’d grieved. Moved on. And then I was pregnant. And wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue with the pregnancy as it was so unexpected. I went ahead and it’s all good. Don’t be embarrassed about your age. Most people assume I’m much younger than I am as I have a teenager 😆 I think all the thoughts you’re having about going ahead are normal for many women of any age.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope this thread gives you the reassurance you’re looking for.

Bu the way… thanks to everyone who’s posted so positivity on this thread. So many threads on MN are awful to older mums. It’s great to see so many positive older mums on one thread!

I had mine at 40 and 43. I am not the oldest mum at the pick up gates!

These are just realisation nerves. I was exactly the same - as soon as I found out I panicked, even though I had wanted this for so long. Now I couldn't be happier, the children are thriving and I feel the same physically as I always have. You may have another 50-odd years in you yet! Parents of my friends have died at all ages, from late 40s to 96 - there's no guarantees anywhere so live your life and cherish your baby.

My dad was born to a 42 year old almost 80 years ago. It’s really not that weird or unusual. Thank goodness or I wouldn’t be here!! Congratulations and enjoy x

I appreciate this varies a lot by area, but in my child's infant class of 29 kids at least 10 had them in their 40s. One mum was 49. There really is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Early pregnancy hormones can make you feel all sorts of weird emotions. Just keep focusing on the fact that this is what you wanted.

There’s been quite a few of these threads recently. Particularly ones where the OP doesn’t return. I always wonder about the motive behind them.

We are in a very middle class area. I became a mum at 25 and you’d have been much less unusual than me in the playground. Congratulations! There are lots of right ways of being a parent x

I was 40 and dh 46 when ds was born. Neither of us have really given it much thought. We certainly don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

Dh and l were the exact same ages. I was neither embarrassed or ashamed. Why would l be?

Shes nearly 20 now. I’m 62, Dh 66. We’re still here. We survived. It wasn’t terrible. It was great. So’s she!

Whats the big deal?🤷🏼‍♀️

This is a normal age in London. You and DH just need to live a healthy lifestyle lots of your longevity is within your control. Congrats!

My mum was 38, one month off 39 when she had me. She is now nearly 70 and I’m in my almost mid 30s. She is and has been a fantastic mum and I wouldn’t swap her for the world! I had a friend whose mum has a baby age 40+ and her child is now an adult and the mum is still very much alive and healthy!

Congratulations. How BLESSED you are to fall pregnant so quickly!

I understand how you feel, but older is relative. I conceived my second child at 46 and she was born soon after my 47th birthday. My husband was 50. She’s now hitting her teens and although I do sometimes worry that she won’t have us around for as long as she would if we were younger, life is lovely and very normal day to day. Eventually you all realise this is us, this is just how our family is made. Incidentally, our older child, now an adult, is a loving, supportive sister to the younger one. Yes, statistically we won’t be around for her for as long as we would be if we were younger -an undeniable fact. But we have conversations about this on occasion - just like we would do if one of us were much younger, facing a health challenge. Good luck- like any mum, you’ll worry about things, but don’t let it get in the way of a wonderful experience.

My parents were 38 and 48 when I was born. My mum passed away young, but that would have happened regardless of when she had me. I'm 33 now and my Dad is 80. He has a few health concerns but day to day is fit and well and lives not far. He's been around to see me graduate, get married, have babies. He looks after my son once a week. Everything we could have asked for 😊

Yes and I’m terrified about pretty much everything.

Thank you all for all the comments. It’s helped to know that there are more women in their 40s having children. I feel incredibly guilty that I am not excited and this whole experience is overshadowed by my anxieties. There are so many things I can’t control and it really stresses me out.