Pregnant at 42 and embarrassed/terrified

[Peg123]

Hi,
I’m 42 and 8 weeks pregnant. This was a planned pregnancy however it took me a long time to decide to try for a baby. I fell pregnant after the first try and it was a complete shock that it happened so quickly and I have been extremely anxious since then. When this baby is born I will be 43 and my husband 47. I do really worry about what people will say regarding our age. I obviously knew how old we were before we started trying but now I’m pregnant it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t stop thinking that when that child is 20 my husband will be 67. I worry that one of us will die before they grow up and that they will not be healthy. I worry that I will not bond with the baby and will not love them. My anxieties are completely on top of me and I have not been able to get excited to the point where I am considering terminating this pregnancy. I have been constantly sad. Has anyone been in a similar position?

If there’s two things I’ve learned since giving birth (again, 42yo here), they are:

1. I can’t control anything - not the time she wakes up, not the amount of breast milk I can produce, certainly not my hormonal state…absolutely nothing.
2. I can overcome anything - birth from hell? Easy. C-section recovery? Back doing a Tesco shop with the baby six days later. Husband has a massive stroke four days after the birth? We’ve got this as a team (and they both have an awesome bond too!). Sleep deprivation? Eh, it won’t last forever. Having a cold/bug for two weeks out of every three? Health is overrated 😂

Your hormones are absolutely WILD right now, and you will swing all over the place with fears and anxieties. If you don’t already have a counsellor, look into it, it was invaluable for me before and just after the birth. If you let the anxieties rule you, they’ll rob you of what really is the most awesome time in your life. Go with the flow and remember, no matter what happens, you’ve both got this!

That’s a very normal age for people having my kids in my neighbourhood

my kids 5th bday party was yday and I was probably one of the youngest parents there at 37… most were mid 40s

my own husband is 48

one dad was 58 he told me!

Firstly , screw what anyone thinks. Why do you care? Its none of anyones business what age you have your children.
Nothing embarrassing about it. Many women are not having their first in late 30s /40s. I know many women who gave birth in their 40s. Its really not unusual

If you think that some mental health support might help have a chat to your GP or midwife. When you're pregnant you are a priority for mental health services so should be able to see someone quite quickly.

Why should anyone be embarrassed? If nature wanted us all to have babies at 20, menopause would start much earlier (yes, my gynae did tell me it is much easier to get pregnant at 25, but clearly many women have no issues at twice that age), and a lot of people aren't in a settled situation/can't afford to support a child until they're much older.

43 isn't old! I get that you're anxious about lots of things but dont let your age be one of them ! Enjoy your pregnancy.