Pregnant at 42 and embarrassed/terrified

[Peg123]

Hi,
I’m 42 and 8 weeks pregnant. This was a planned pregnancy however it took me a long time to decide to try for a baby. I fell pregnant after the first try and it was a complete shock that it happened so quickly and I have been extremely anxious since then. When this baby is born I will be 43 and my husband 47. I do really worry about what people will say regarding our age. I obviously knew how old we were before we started trying but now I’m pregnant it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t stop thinking that when that child is 20 my husband will be 67. I worry that one of us will die before they grow up and that they will not be healthy. I worry that I will not bond with the baby and will not love them. My anxieties are completely on top of me and I have not been able to get excited to the point where I am considering terminating this pregnancy. I have been constantly sad. Has anyone been in a similar position?

Don’t you worry, at my baby group 3 mums are mid 40’s, 2 are knocking on 40’s door and yes the remaining 10 are mid 30s. There are loads of us out there. You’re in good company. Don’t worry about the age aspect.
But have a think about feeling better about your other anxieties. I massively suggest you read Mind over Mother by Anna Mathur. Xx

Had all the same worries, at the same age as you last year, to the point we had a scan and was thinking of termination at 7 weeks. Saw a little blob on the screen and I just couldn't, and then I lost that little baby and it broke me.
We tried again and lost another soon after.
A year later I fell pregnant again not planned and prepared for it to fail, now 19 weeks, still feel a bit old, but its grown on me. Told people at work expecting comments ect... everyone is so happy for me and reassuring, positive.
If you want that baby in your heart, you will be just fine. Age doesnt mean a thing.

My sil had her first at 43 and her second at 45. She's still here 30 years later and so is my brother . Kids are now 30 and 28 and no one could give a damn . Congratulations @Peg123

i had my second at 43. Literally nobody has ever commented! I have several friends who had babies in their forties, it’s really not uncommon. When I asked my consultant if I was his oldest patient he said “Oh no, I have ladies a lot older than you “ .
I also got pregnant straight away and it takes time to adjust, you will settle into it . My baby is 18 now and so much fun.

I wish I could have pregnancy at my age 39...I was lucky to have my son at 23, whatever age cherish them , is your life. Anyone who judges simply don't. .......

In my NCT I was the second youngest at 34. Two women were in their 40s having their first babies.
This really isn’t very uncommon at all these days.

Speak to your midwife about antenatal anxiety. It's very common and will pass.

Congratulations. My friend had her first at 41 and her second at 44. No one ever commented, she enjoyed her pregnancies and her and her DH are fantastic parents.

Please @Peg123 try and enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to being a parent. 💐

Pregnancy hormones can make anxiety feel so much worse. Parenting is just a lifetime of worry.
You made the decision to have a child at a time (I'm guessing) you were emotionally well and of sound mind. Keep that in mind and the reasons for wanting a child. It sounds like your hormones are running wild and I hate to say this to a pregnant woman because it would have given me the absolute rage when I was pregnant, but you are probably not thinking rationally because of the hormones.

I’m the youngest child in my family.
My siblings had been gone for years when my mum sat me down and told me she thought she thought she was pregnant.
I was 17 and thrilled - Mum was 50 and mortified.
I couldn’t figure out why Mum was so embarrassed - did she not want the neighbours or other teachers to know that she and Dad still “did it?”
Anyhow, it turned out to be the beginning of menopause.
Mum told me that she sooo relieved.
But I saw the disappointment in her eyes.

Congratulations, @Peg123— Here’s looking forward to a beautiful baby. ❤️

For reasons my grandparents brought up my cousin- they’d have been well in their 60s and she lived with them until she was mid 20s. Parents can sadly die at any age, you just don’t know what’s going to happen in the future

Easy Źm??

What are you embarrassed about?

I was 40 when I had DS and i was 42 when I had DD. It wasn’t an issue at all; you have a bit of extra monitoring and we had the NIPT test. I think it cost £400.

I'm 43 and 8+4, come join the October babies group, there's a few of us around this age in it, it may help you feel a bit better about it

I was nearly 41 when I had DS and not a single person has ever commented on my age, aside from a having an extra scan and a GD test while I was pregnant (perfectly healthy pregnancy by the way). There is no point in worrying about what may be in the future, life has no guarantees. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

My 12 year old is next to me - I got pregnant at 41 nearly 42 and he’s fabulous and amazing and it was all fine and we are so close and he is funny, smart, kind, loyal and one of the greatest achievements of my life.

Congratulations 🎉
42 is not old, please don’t worry.

And no one comments on my age! And in fact one of the mums in his class is even older! Most parents in his year 6 class a year ago varied from 25-56! (56 year old has adopted hers) and two grandparents aged 65 and 66 raising their daughter’s two boys. You will love it!

Life is too short to be embarrassed about things that don't harm anyone.

I had DD at 45, nobody comments on my age, I was certainly not embarrassed to be pregnant with her, for any reason.

I was 41 when my daughter was born. I don’t think people judge me though I really wouldn’t care if they did! We have lots of friends with kids the same age through nursery etc and we are maybe a little older than average but it’s not as if the other parents of her nursery class are all mid 20s. Also my granny had my youngest aunt when she was 42 - I don’t think having a baby in your 40s is really a particularly unusual or shocking thing.

Had my son at 40, didn’t feel old at the mums groups in my area. Most of us were in the same boat.
I get what you’re saying though op, take it easy and enjoy your pregnancy :)

Nobody's ever batted an eye at me. I was 44 when I had DS. It's normal to be anxious, but don't let it steal your joy 😊

Go to any primary school in a middle class area - you will see loads of Mum’s at pick up the same age as you. Friends of ours have just had their first baby - she’s 46, he’s 48. They look like normal, loved-up new parents who are just thrilled with their child.

My grandmother had a surprise child at 44, 19 years after my Mum, the oldest was born. This was long before modern medicine. She not only brought up that son but but played a large role in bringing up his son, her grandson into adulthood.