Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Partner wants me to abort

96 replies

Louiselouxo · 08/11/2025 10:20

I’m writing on here because I have no one else to talk to….. I’ve fallen pregnant by accident I’m on the pill so was a complete shock. We have 3 kids (15,11,3) after my youngest we agreed no more. But now I’m in this situation and completely devastated by the thought of an abortion…. Last year I fell pregnant by accident , I put my partners wants above mine and aborted- I changed my pill to a different one to avoid anything happening again. And now I am here :( I don’t want to abort again. It fills me with guilt. I know I will love a child regardless of how they got here but he is threatening to kick me and the kids out, see the child but not me, he just doesn’t want more kids. He is a great guy, a great dad, he treats us all so well so I am shocked at his reaction. I thought he would stick by me….. a part of me think or hopes he will just accept this baby in the end but it’s a huge risk ruining the family we have :( has anyone else been in this and there partner came around? Please no negative comments…. He is not a bad guy, he’s actually lovely. This just wasn’t on the cards

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 08/11/2025 10:30

It 50/50 whether he would come round to the baby and if your relationship would survive having the baby or having an abortion. You may end up hating him if he makes you do it and he may hate you for making him have another child … maybe he will love the child and get over it. Kindly , You know this op. You need to decide what you want and go with that.

id suggest you get sterilised whatever you choose, if no more kids are a definite as pill obviously isn’t working for you.

im so sorry you are in this position op

Branleuse · 08/11/2025 10:31

Hes not a lovely guy

YenneferOfVengerburg · 08/11/2025 10:39

No, he is not great guy, or a great dad,
he doesnt treat you all so well at all.

You are pregnant - again. You don't want to abort, so don't. But you need to realise you are most likely going to be a single parent. Are you able to support yourself and 4 kids?

zipmedown · 08/11/2025 10:40

Why didn’t he get a vasectomy if he feels so strongly about not having any more children?

Original poster
Louiselouxo · 08/11/2025 10:41

yes, I have a good job and great support with family. But it’s gutting to think I have to do it alone :(

OP posts:
Nightlight8 · 08/11/2025 10:44

Is he the father to all your children? After last year why wasn't your partner offering to have the snip?

This is an extreme reaction and cruel. So the house is his? I think there's some things you don't say when you are arguing and this is one of them OP.

Unfortunately you need to think as if you would be going alone with 4 kids? Do you have enough space/money?

Original poster
Louiselouxo · 08/11/2025 10:49

Nightlight8 · 08/11/2025 10:44

Is he the father to all your children? After last year why wasn't your partner offering to have the snip?

This is an extreme reaction and cruel. So the house is his? I think there's some things you don't say when you are arguing and this is one of them OP.

Unfortunately you need to think as if you would be going alone with 4 kids? Do you have enough space/money?

He is the father to one, we both had a child each from previous relationships and he raised my son as his own. The house is his so I will be homeless, I have my own money and a good job able to support us all alone. I just wish that wasn’t the case! He did book the snip then he was scared to do it so cancelled…

OP posts:
Zempy · 08/11/2025 10:49

Are you not married?

How low is your bar if you think someone who threatens to throw his children and their mother out of the family home is “a great dad” Seriously??

Personally I would want to leave him regardless as you have seen his true colours now.

Zempy · 08/11/2025 10:51

So when he’s threatening to throw you and the kids out, does that include your stepchild?

DramaQueenlady · 08/11/2025 10:51

How can he kick you out. Is it only his house. Are the older children his. He is allowed his thoughts and opinions, but he us not allowed to threaten you and your children by making you homeless.

You already have a young child so it not like your going back to the baby stage after years and years. Tell him you're keeping the baby and deal with the fall out from there. Then you'll see if he's a great guy. If he is great, he can go and get a vasectomy too.

Enko · 08/11/2025 10:53

I would not have an abortion if it was not something "I" wanted.

I would suggest to him the pair of you attend some counselling sessions together and discuss this situation. This may get him to accept your side and the child. Or it may get you to decide youbdont want to be with him at all.

I wont catch judgement further than this

Nightlight8 · 08/11/2025 10:56

@Louiselouxo you've been in the situation before. The snip conversation needs to be had and since he seems to be the one not want ANY more kids he needs to do it. It surely can't be any worse than child birth. I would be bringing this conversation up and sex would be off the cards till it's sorted!

HideousKinky · 08/11/2025 11:02

He cancelled his vasectomy because he was scared, but is trying to force you to have an abortion you do not want, for the 2nd time.

You need to consider very carefully what is right for you

toottoot3 · 08/11/2025 11:02

He sounds a lovely guy, until he doesn't get his way!! Lovely enough to throw you out? His 3 year old and unborn, plenty more guys with that attitude out there.
He's scared of vasectomy so you just need to keep aborting those kids he's pumping out, wow he's really fucking lovely.
Whether you keep this baby or not is up to you, your already tied to him with 3 year old, he's going to promise you how lovely your life will be if you abort, it won't, he's always going to threaten you with getting thrown out cause I f he can do it to a pregnant woman, he will definitely do it when your not.
Will he promise you commitment and sign half of house over to you to ensure you have a home/feel safe if you need time to grieve after another abortion he's demanding? - nope of course he won't. Your body and safety are not his priority, which shows in lack of getting vasectomy when he said he would.
I'm sorry your back at the same time as last year, until your unable your probably going to be back here soon if he continues to call the shots

LividArse · 08/11/2025 11:04

Surely your relationship with this scumbag is over either way.

toottoot3 · 08/11/2025 11:08

In the arguement that women use abortion as contraception , men like this who think multiple abortions are preferable rather than them having a the snip need discussed more.

I don't need stastics about tiny percentage of men who have issues after snip, it's a procedure which can have side effects. Same as all the procedures woman have to go through

Original poster
Louiselouxo · 08/11/2025 11:12

I am devastated by the situation, I’m very maternal and in an ideal world I’d keep this baby but being a single mum isn’t what I want. I’m trying to hold down full time work, school runs, nirsery runs, run the house and not fall apart, while suffering with sickness! This whole thing feels so rubbish. Is there any posative storries? We’re dad comes round to it :(

OP posts:
MatchaMatchaMatcha · 08/11/2025 11:17

HideousKinky · 08/11/2025 11:02

He cancelled his vasectomy because he was scared, but is trying to force you to have an abortion you do not want, for the 2nd time.

You need to consider very carefully what is right for you

100%
I see two outcomes here:

  1. you proceed with the pregnancy, break up, and have to find somewhere else to live with your children
  2. you don't proceed with a pregnancy but I don't see how a healthy relationship can survive this. He's not a good man.

I'm very sorry you find yourself in this position op Flowers

Driftingawaynow · 08/11/2025 11:18

His behaviour is absolutely horrendous, threatening to make you homeless! leave him just because of this, single parenthood is not that bad honestly. Then if you want to keep your baby just do it

Nightlight8 · 08/11/2025 11:21

Having an abortion isn't comfortable either. It also comes with risks. You need to sit him and down and point this out to him.

Original poster
Louiselouxo · 08/11/2025 11:23

Nightlight8 · 08/11/2025 11:21

Having an abortion isn't comfortable either. It also comes with risks. You need to sit him and down and point this out to him.

I have, I’ve tried so many time and all he gets back to is he doesn’t want more kids. He agrees abortions awful but having a child for the rest of his life that he doesn’t want isn’t fair on him. All I hear is how he feels or what he wants. He’s being very selfish, I don’t know what to do. I have an abortion appointment booked for Monday but I don’t know if I can do it

OP posts:
Whatwerewetalkingabout · 08/11/2025 11:25

If he didn't want anymore children and he's already made you go through one abortion WTAF hasn't the selfish bastard gone to get the snip!

I'm really sorry you are having to be faced with this decision OP. I'm not sure anybody can advise you whether to have another abortion or not. Your body your choice, but you do run the risk that he may leave or check out. 😓

DaisyChain505 · 08/11/2025 11:26

So this excuse of a man cancelled a vasectomy which would have given him full control over not having any more children because he was scared yet he expects you to go through yet another traumatic abortion because your contraception failed you through no fault of your own?

You can say he is a good man but this isn’t how a good man acts.

NewGoldFox · 08/11/2025 11:29

He chose to take the chance on birth control that had already failed once rather than having his vasectomy 🤷🏻‍♀️
It is your body your choice now. Personally I wouldn’t be willing to be with a man who would ask me to put my body and mental health through not one but two abortions.

toottoot3 · 08/11/2025 11:30

Louiselouxo · 08/11/2025 11:12

I am devastated by the situation, I’m very maternal and in an ideal world I’d keep this baby but being a single mum isn’t what I want. I’m trying to hold down full time work, school runs, nirsery runs, run the house and not fall apart, while suffering with sickness! This whole thing feels so rubbish. Is there any posative storries? We’re dad comes round to it :(

I think happy ending coming round stories would be more about partners having concerns about future/money/lifestyle being unsure then making a decision to live with the consequences of their actions. This is different he's threatening to throw you and kids away unless you comply.
Has he been beating himself up for not getting snip?, has he made an ASAP appointment for one right now cause there is no chance this can ever happen again? Is he offering you any comfort? Cause you where taking precautions, he wasn't but you have to do what he wants or be punished? He might be in turmoil but he's an adult with lots of kids, he knows how reproduction works, he just is not willing to do anything that makes him uncomfortable, that's your job.
You must be so emotional right now, you have good family support, lean on them. You might start hearing some home truths