Partner wants me to abort

[Louiselouxo]

I’m writing on here because I have no one else to talk to….. I’ve fallen pregnant by accident I’m on the pill so was a complete shock. We have 3 kids (15,11,3) after my youngest we agreed no more. But now I’m in this situation and completely devastated by the thought of an abortion…. Last year I fell pregnant by accident , I put my partners wants above mine and aborted- I changed my pill to a different one to avoid anything happening again. And now I am here :( I don’t want to abort again. It fills me with guilt. I know I will love a child regardless of how they got here but he is threatening to kick me and the kids out, see the child but not me, he just doesn’t want more kids. He is a great guy, a great dad, he treats us all so well so I am shocked at his reaction. I thought he would stick by me….. a part of me think or hopes he will just accept this baby in the end but it’s a huge risk ruining the family we have :( has anyone else been in this and there partner came around? Please no negative comments…. He is not a bad guy, he’s actually lovely. This just wasn’t on the cards

This!

he is not a great guy, OP. He’d kick you and the kids out? What a prince!

He’s going to have to pay for kids regardless.

Tbh OP i think the problem here is your partner has already had to come around once for the first unwanted child, and now there is a second. Personally as someone who does not want any further children id be devastated if i fell accidentally pregnant now, and would not forgive someone who pressured me into continuing with a pregnancy, but then as a women i can choose for myself.

It warrants some investigating that this has happened to you twice, in quick succession, because when used correctly the pill is very effective at preventing pregnancy.

Usually 'accidents' while on it are caused by people not taking it properly, missing pills etc or taking them late.

You need to consider something like a long acting contraceptive going forward and your partner needs to get the snip.

@Louiselouxo I’m so sorry you are going through this, my heart goes out to you.
I don’t have any experience of DH coming round to accept an unwanted child. But I do have experience of the situation where I wanted more kids and he didn’t. We had the conversation after we had our second child. DH was adamant he didn’t want any more. So he took care of it. He got a vasectomy. He was scared and he got it done anyway. Because he recognises it is his responsibility if he’s the one that does not want any more children. I don’t understand why your partner thinks he can leave it all to you to deal with the consequences of his ineptitude and cowardice.
Your partner is NOT a good man. He is an abusive, careless, nasty prick. Does he think women are not scared of abortion? Or not scared of childbirth? A
vasectomy has a lower risk of serious complications and mortality than an abortion. Vasectomy is a simpler, less invasive procedure, making it generally safer.
But he doesn’t care about that—all that matters to him is that he isn’t inconvenienced.
You deserve better.

I think the problem here is that he chickened out of getting the snip after the last pregnancy and is a controlling, uncaring arse who would happily see her and his children out on the streets instead of taking responsibility for his own actions.

Yet another MN pill pregnancy.......

Hi OP ✨️

I was in a very sensitive and similar situation 6 years ago and fell unexpectedly pregnant with my youngest daughter.

My DH was similarly saying get an abortion, and so were my parents, and they all told me we couldn't afford it or cope with 3 children. I have an eldest daughter aged 14 and a son aged 7, so the age gaps are quite quirky 🤪

I actually posted on MN for advice and got a lot of heated responses in AIBU (probably not the best place to ask ik hindsight lol 😆). (Someone even sent me link to a website with abortion videos via a PM!! 😱😕😱)

So, after a huge panic about it all and a lot of soul searching, I kept my baby and she's now a lovely full of life character, playing in her room 🥰

It did put a huge strain on our relationship in the first few months after she was born, and i hag terrible post natal depression that was the start of perimenopause, so I felt terrible.

Luckily, we are all ok now but it was possibly made harder by my age, my husband's age (he's now 55), and the fact I was so unwell after the birth.

But I wouldn't change anything about my sweet and lovely girl.

I hope you can find some good advice and make the best decision ✨️💓

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Here's some bits of advice I truly believe, but if it's not helpful to you then of course feel free to ignore.

NEVER have a child or an abortion you don't want.

Just because you have an abortion doesn't mean he will stay, so plan on being single no matter your decision.

Whatever you decide I hope it's the right thing for you and works out well for you.

And this is why women must retain their ability to be independent no matter what. He threatened to throw you out of 'his' house??? He is not a good guy, a good guy would have had the snip after last years pregnancy.

I'm sorry a lovely man doesn't threaten to kick you and the kids out if you don't end a pregnancy that you don't want to end. Fair enough he doesn't want the baby but you don't do that to someone you love.

I don't think you can expect or rely on him to come around to the idea. It does happen sometimes but sometimes it doesn't.

I'm sorry OP, I don't have much advice for your immediate situation. But he absolutely needs to have a vasectomy to prevent this from happening again. Frankly, I'm astounded he didn't have one last time, or even when your 3yo was born if he's so certain he doesn't want any more children.

Hes horrible.

Oh he was scared to do the snip and it is OK for you to abort - twice - because he doesn’t like it???
OP are you living in a dream- he is not a “lovely guy” - he is a manipulator.
i wish you good luck

NO MAN is lovely if he demands you aborts HIS baby!!

what do YOU want? All 4 kids as a single parent or 3 children with a controlling nasty man?

His threats to throw you out = not a lovely man.
It is hard to believe this is a one off...well no because he forced you to abort last time didnt he? Then got too scared to have vasectomy

Please speak to someone before you decide what to do

He is not a nice person

Why would you be a lone parent with four children if only two and the unborn baby are both yours and one is his with a previous partner? It would be his responsibility to parent his own child.

This utter wanker conveniently hasn’t married you exactly so he can threaten to throw you and your kids out every time something doesn’t go his way.
You’re better off without him whatever you decide to do. Do not base this decision on what this man wants. You could regret it when/after the two of you split.

if he cared that much he should’ve sucked it up and got a vasectomy. Why can’t you be scared of an abortion ?

these are the consequences of his actions threatening to make his family homeless os not the actions of a great guy.

You have to decide for yourself.

The only thing I'd be aborting is my relationship with him.
He us absolutely not a lovely man... stop.lying to yourself. He's a complete prick.

Also don't stay with a man hoping he'll come round. He's Either a supportive partner or a threatening shithead... and he's proven to be the latter.

This is really difficult for you. But even if there are lots of stories about Dads coming around to the idea, there's still no guarantee that will happen in your situation. You really need to look at this on the info that you have which is that if you keep the baby you will become a single mother. It is an awful situation to be in but that's what you need to think about. Keeping it in the hope that he changes his mind would be foolish.

Side note, if you plan to stay with him he 100% needs to go through with the snip. Pregnancy and birth is scary, painful, long and can be life threatening. Getting the snip is short, the pain doesn't last long and isn't life threatening. He needs to cop the fuck on in that regard!!!

I wouldn't abort having already done it last year because he wanted one. I would have the baby.

Thinking of you and hope you made the best decision for you not for him, he's shown he's always going to put himself before you, it's time you took a leaf from his book on such a major decision