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Original poster

Social services referral

77 replies

Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 19:45

Hi everyone,

I’m currently pregnant and have two toddlers. I went to another city for a family wedding for a weeek. Whilst I was gone, I lost my phone and so I didn’t see that the midwife had been trying to reach me. I had an appointment during that week that I completely forgot about.( I’ve also missed a few appointments in the past in this pregnancy because I just asrived late or I completely forgot about.)She then went to my house a few times and I obviously wasn’t home so they got really concerned because they couldn’t reach my phone or in person. My upstairs window also has a crack in it . (A couple of weeks ago, I put an electric heater on my bedroom window ledge to help with damp, and it cracked the window I know it was so stupid of me). So the midwife told children’s services and they rang my husband who then got me to talk to them. They told me they’re concerned about me bc the midwife can’t get in touch ect. I cleared everything up and told them me and the kids are completely fine we’ve just not been in for the past week bc of a family wedding ect. She then replied saying just tell us the truth it will be better for you, I was literally sooo confused and shocked thinking wtf is she on about. She then said we’re really concerned and need to see you and your children. I said fine I’m going home today anyway (because it was the last day of the wedding functions) you can come tomorrow. Today morning when they came they were soooo rude. They sat down and said look we’re just gonna be straight with you, your window is broken, you haven’t been answering your phone you missed your appointments. What is going on?! Tell us the truth and if we’re not satisfied we will refer you to social services. So I told them everything, I’m dopey and forgot the appointment date, I didn’t answer phone bc it’s been lost and I wasn’t home bc I was at a wedding. They said why is your window broken so I told them that too. They mentioned that this could put my children at risk and have raised concerns about my housing, including some arrears of £5,000 on housing benefit in my name. I told them that I’m trying to clear it up ect. Anyway I later met the midwife an hour later and she told me that they are referring me to social services

They have said that because of these concerns, they may get more involved and could assign a social worker. I’m scared because I’ve had past issues like depression, and I worry this might be brought up too. I’ve also heard from others that once social services get involved, they don’t leave you alone, which makes me even more anxious.

I’m worried about what this means for me and my children, and I don’t know what to expect next. I’ve tried to make sure everything is safe at home, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by the potential scrutiny.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation with social services? How did it play out, and is there any advice on how to manage the process and protect my family while remaining cooperative?

OP posts:
dovess · 15/08/2025 19:50

Take the help. It sounds as if you need it particularly as you’re choosing to have another child whilst unable to provide stable housing for the ones you have. You will eventually be evicted for lack of rental payments. What did you do with the five thousand pounds of housing benefit you received yet didn’t pay to your landlord?

Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 19:51

I didn’t receive the housing benefit because it had ended but they had not told me it ended and I later got a letter saying that I’m in arrears

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 19:52

Also I’m not renting from a private landlord, I am in temporary accommodation provided by the council

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2025 19:54

Accept the help and intervention. Your life sounds quite chaotic, it’s not normal to forget or not attend multiple medical appointments, so it’s good they’ve keeping an eye on you for the good of your children.

SlashBeef · 15/08/2025 19:55

Try not to panic.
It sounds like you might benefit from additional support. Reading your post it seems like there's lots of additional issues that are going on and sort of dropped in here and there. There's the difficultly attending appointments, lack of communication, broken window, previous depression and financial challenges. They have looked at this and identified that you could use some help. Is that a fair assessment?

humptydumptyfelloff · 15/08/2025 19:55

@Queenxxx

so did you clear up the housing benefit issue as soon as it was discovered. ?

if so it shouldn’t still be saying you owed arrears surely?
dis the council tell you why the payments stopped?

Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 19:57

I’m still in the process of clearing them up

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/08/2025 19:57

Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 19:52

Also I’m not renting from a private landlord, I am in temporary accommodation provided by the council

So have you reported the window? Will it be fixed soon? That will help. It sounds like they’ve done the right thing because it sounds like you need support. Take the support and just be honest with them, they aren’t looking to catch you out, just make sure you and your kids are safe.

Eagerlywaiting1990 · 15/08/2025 19:58

@Queenxxx I work closely with social services and they are very different than the reputation they hold. They are quite literally there to support you and help life become a little less hectic for you and your family.
Like every other service they are on their knees so the moment they feel satisfied that all is well, you will be discharged immediately. Don't feel threatened - that's not their purpose x

ThejoyofNC · 15/08/2025 19:58

If you have nothing to hide then you shouldn't be worried. It does sound pretty bad though and they did the right thing.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/08/2025 19:59

It sounds like you need the support.

Forgetting multiple appointments is concerning.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/08/2025 20:00

dovess · 15/08/2025 19:50

Take the help. It sounds as if you need it particularly as you’re choosing to have another child whilst unable to provide stable housing for the ones you have. You will eventually be evicted for lack of rental payments. What did you do with the five thousand pounds of housing benefit you received yet didn’t pay to your landlord?

This. Accept their help.

Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 20:01

I’m a really good mum, my kids are very safe and well looked after. I just forgot about the appointments because I have hg so extreme vomiting day and night that’s all, the housing arrears I’m in the process of clearing up. Basically I phoned housing benefit and they said there are not debts under my name so I’m just trying to get to the bottom of why I received the letter saying I’m in arrears but I’m actually a very good and stable mum, just the last few months have been tough because of the hg, but these people are making me feel like I’m such a bad mum

OP posts:
Supidupi3289 · 15/08/2025 20:02

Sorry I'm going to be the person in this thread: why on earth are you bringing another child into this?

HappySummerDays · 15/08/2025 20:03

You managed to get to a wedding for a week..

Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 20:05

Because like I said I’m a very stable and good mum. This housing arrears amd midwife stuff occurred after I became pregnant and it’s literally all because of how hard this pregnancy has been physically

OP posts:
Georgia324 · 15/08/2025 20:05

I'm pleased they are going to be helping you. You shouldn't miss appointments when pregnant - that jeapordises both you and your pregnancy. I would never go to a wedding, lose my phone and forget pregnancy appts (I am 36 weeks pregnant). Do you have a stable partner helping you? Do you have any kind of other key worker supporting? Are your kids being looked after in nursery while you are sick?
Sorry but with hg you can't just go to a wedding for a week in a different city - you can't leave your bed...

Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 20:07

It was my sisters wedding and I went to my mums house and I was literally in bed most of the week. Also I have a really good husband and family who help a lot with the kids

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/08/2025 20:08

Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 20:05

Because like I said I’m a very stable and good mum. This housing arrears amd midwife stuff occurred after I became pregnant and it’s literally all because of how hard this pregnancy has been physically

You are not very stable, that doesn’t mean you aren’t a good mum though. Have you reported the window?

Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 20:09

I’m in the process of getting it fixed we have got an appointment for it. We purposely got an appointment for after the wedding when we’d be back home

OP posts:
Comedycook · 15/08/2025 20:11

You can be a good mum and still need some support op.

ScaryM0nster · 15/08/2025 20:11

It sounds like you would benefit from a bit of help at the moment.

You’ve got a lot on your plate, and you’re suffering with hg that will make it all the more difficult to handle.

Midwife’s refer to social services very early on, the idea being that a bit of support before things are a real problem will then prevent a situation deteriorating.

Some things are more important than others. Attending medical appointments comes above most other things from a health and welfare perspective. Prioritising that will help demonstrate that you’re looking after yourself and your children. Trying to keep your home safe and secure is another thing that they will see as important. So make sure the broken window is reported. Think carefully about hazards in the home.

Hopefully you’ll get some support to get you back onto an easier path.

Original poster
Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 20:13

my biggest fear in life is having my kids taken off me😭😭

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 15/08/2025 20:13

Honestly just take the help. They may even be able to help support you with housing.

Why can’t your husband remind you of appointments, and spurt out the window/housing benefit?

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/08/2025 20:15

Queenxxx · 15/08/2025 20:13

my biggest fear in life is having my kids taken off me😭😭

That's very unlikely. They would only be taken away if they're actually in danger.

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