Social services referral

[Queenxxx]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently pregnant and have two toddlers. I went to another city for a family wedding for a weeek. Whilst I was gone, I lost my phone and so I didn’t see that the midwife had been trying to reach me. I had an appointment during that week that I completely forgot about.( I’ve also missed a few appointments in the past in this pregnancy because I just asrived late or I completely forgot about.)She then went to my house a few times and I obviously wasn’t home so they got really concerned because they couldn’t reach my phone or in person. My upstairs window also has a crack in it . (A couple of weeks ago, I put an electric heater on my bedroom window ledge to help with damp, and it cracked the window I know it was so stupid of me). So the midwife told children’s services and they rang my husband who then got me to talk to them. They told me they’re concerned about me bc the midwife can’t get in touch ect. I cleared everything up and told them me and the kids are completely fine we’ve just not been in for the past week bc of a family wedding ect. She then replied saying just tell us the truth it will be better for you, I was literally sooo confused and shocked thinking wtf is she on about. She then said we’re really concerned and need to see you and your children. I said fine I’m going home today anyway (because it was the last day of the wedding functions) you can come tomorrow. Today morning when they came they were soooo rude. They sat down and said look we’re just gonna be straight with you, your window is broken, you haven’t been answering your phone you missed your appointments. What is going on?! Tell us the truth and if we’re not satisfied we will refer you to social services. So I told them everything, I’m dopey and forgot the appointment date, I didn’t answer phone bc it’s been lost and I wasn’t home bc I was at a wedding. They said why is your window broken so I told them that too. They mentioned that this could put my children at risk and have raised concerns about my housing, including some arrears of £5,000 on housing benefit in my name. I told them that I’m trying to clear it up ect. Anyway I later met the midwife an hour later and she told me that they are referring me to social services

They have said that because of these concerns, they may get more involved and could assign a social worker. I’m scared because I’ve had past issues like depression, and I worry this might be brought up too. I’ve also heard from others that once social services get involved, they don’t leave you alone, which makes me even more anxious.

I’m worried about what this means for me and my children, and I don’t know what to expect next. I’ve tried to make sure everything is safe at home, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by the potential scrutiny.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation with social services? How did it play out, and is there any advice on how to manage the process and protect my family while remaining cooperative?

As PPs have said. Accept the help. Be open and honest and you will be fine.

The window were in the process of getting fixed, the arrears I can pay off by selling my gold and everything else I guess I just need to screw my head on and stop forgetting things esp appointments it’s just so hard with the constant vomiting and looking after two babies. Thanks guys so much for all your messages and advice. I’m just so scared of ss bc if everything I’ve heard, apparently they make up lies and try to take your kids off you and also it’s just a massive fear of mine since it happened to my cousins they were so happy at their home but got taken off their parents

Surely your husband can help with money and help you remember appointments?

Social services do not have the funding to be unnecessarily staying involved with families that don’t need help. Nor do they take kids away unless there’s significant evidence of neglect/abuse and refusal to accept help.

Reading through your previous posts you’ve been homeless for years, unable to work due to hg and yet having pregnancies every year, constantly missing appointments for your children and losing your phone so can’t be contacted. If I was you I’d take whatever help they offer as it doesn’t sound like a stable situation for your children.

How much gold do you have?

Also your husband needs to step up and pull his weight. It’s possible midwife has concerns about your relationship.

Social services won’t make up lies in order to get your children taken into care, they don’t have the money, time, or foster carers available even if it’s something they wanted to do (which they don’t!)

A social
workerr should help you get the window sorted out and help you keep track of appointments for all the kids if you’re ona child in need plan I’d accept the free PA it sounds like you need one!

OP, I’m sorry to say this but why oh why keep getting pregnant when you cannot offer even your current children a stable home life.

We have responsibilities as parents to provide, ourselves, for all our children’s needs, housing, clothes, food, toys, basically everything and its not ok to bring children into chaos. Its really selfish and irresponsible.

You are not even managing the basics currently and if you carry on like this you will eventually find yourself in an unmanageable situation and risking serious SS intervention.

Please for your existing childrens sake, engage with SS and once this new baby is born arrange some serious contraception.

Don't worry, social services are understaffed and overworked. Its unlikely they will even come out. Just cooperate with whatever they say, agree and they will most likely close the case.

I see I’ve replied on previous threads you’ve made. Tbh it’s astonishing you’ve escaped social services interventions so far given the absolute chaos you seem to have been in for years.

Maybe with some decent support you’ll be able to break the cycle of mishaps, accidents, unstable housing, police involvement, repeated missed medical appointments for you and your children. Honestly, they deserve better. And people referring to themselves so often as a good or amazing mum sounds like a defensive reflex. Most of us don’t feel the need to advertise that we’re doing the best for our kids.

Your previous posts all have a similar theme?
Your phone got stolen before and lost this time? You are continually concerned about SS. I think if you are a genuine poster some support from ss will be a good thing.

It's a myth that social services only get involved to remove children- this only happens when there is really no alternative. More often their involvement is to provide support which it sounds like you need. If you are having such a difficult pregnancy you shouldn't be missing lots of appointments get a calendar or diary. It sounds like you are struggling debt, losing things, in temp damp accommodation and will soon have 3 small children. Hopefully they can help you stabilise your life

people make referrals to Social care all the time that don’t meet threshold for intervention. You might get a phone call, explain all you did to the HV and midwife and the sw then closes the conversation. They might refer to early help.

Did you get pregnant to move yourself up the priority list?

Take the help.
People who defiantly claim they're a good mum despite this type of chaos need some guidance.
They might learn how their dc lives can be better

TBH your story does not really sound plausible. It might be wise to accept SS help.

Why on earth does someone in temporary accomodation, with 2 small children already, decide to have another child? It's utterly irresponsible. So many people delay trying for children till they have secure housing and enough income to provide well for a family rather than constantly reproducing and expecting other people to fund their families.

Your life sounds chaotic which can't be good for your existing children. Why don't you use a simple diary to record your appointments, hopefully that will remind you to go to them.

Social services, contrary to whatever pack of lies people have told you, do not want to take children away. That is a last resort. In my experience people who tell you their children were removed for no reason are omitting to tell you a massive part of the story, which is that there were numerous good reasons why the children should probably have been taken away a long time before they actually were.

You should work with social services, they want to help you. Be open and honest with them, if you aren't that's a red flag for them. If they think there are no issues they will close your case.

Nobody wants to take your children away. Even if they do decide they need to be involved, unless there is immediate risk there are a lot of steps before that happens.
I've been part of meetings for child protection plan reviews and they were all about how yo support the family so that they did better and stayed together

I don't know what exactly is going on with you, whether it's undiagnosed neurodiversity, other additional needs or mental health difficulties, but all this (and your previous posts) isn't normal. You've got used to it and think it's just the usual level of forgetfulness and occasional mishaps that every Mum has, but it's not.

You're homeless, you've lost one of your children at least once, you can't keep track of your finances, you have a broken window through doing something exceptionally daft, you miss medical appointments for yourself and your kids.

You really need to get a handle on your life because it sounds like absolute chaos and must be exhausting for you, let alone the kids. If social services are offering support, grab it with both hands.

Btw, people who say social services took their kids for no reason are the ones that keep insisting things which are really a very big deal are actually no big deal at all and refuse to accept that their children are being harmed by them. Don't be like that.

I’m going to take a stab in the dark and guess you’re perhaps south Asian given the reference to the week long wedding celebrations and gold?

Be open and honest with the social workers. Work with them and they will try and support you. It is clear you could benefit from that support. Do your family live nearby? How are you managing your pregnancy health with other young children? Is your husband stepping up?

So what were your excuses for missing the
appointments with your second child (previous threads). You cannot blame your pregnancy for those.

They don't make up lies to get your children off you. It is hard to find foster care for children who really need them so they will avoid removing them as far as possible.

If your cousin's children were taken into care it must have been for good reasons.

Sorry but I work with social services. There is a reason you’re on their radar. This hasn’t just happened overnight.
i missed a midwife appointment and all they did was rearrange it so there is a lot more to this story than is being told.

i would also say most ppl don’t even consider having their kids taken away so if this is a fear of yours clearly there has been intervention prior to this last incident.

It sounds like a lot of chaos and drama and there is somethings you’re not admitting.

i know ppl reading this will probably think im being horrible but why bring more kids into a shitty situation

Ps I missed the appointment and didn’t tell them as I was currently in the hospital for reduced movements….no alarm bells from the midwife, they didn’t even call me! Just rearranged my appointment

and I would like to say for context I have a mental health history of anxiety and bipolar disorder however I am no where near social services radar

It's not normal to forget so many appointments. Is there a chance you have undiagnosed adhd? You need better systems. Do you put all your appts on a calendar or in your phone? With alarms? I suggest you get a lanyard of some sort and keep your phone round your neck. You've got to get on top of this because your children will be the ones who suffer if you don't.

I know hg is awful. Who is helping you with the kids?