Too old to have a baby age

[svg23]

This has been done to a thousand times but when is the tipping point between being quite old to have a baby and being too old...

It's a hugely personal thing. I'm 36 and I am too old, BUT, I have 4 children and that is enough for anyone. I'd never have the energy to do it again.

I wouldn't want to be giving birth from 40 so would draw the line at early 39. Thankfully I've been able to have the amount of children I want at the ages I wanted them, so it's easy for me to say. I wouldn't judge someone who chose to have a baby in their 40s.

I agree with people saying it’s different for everyone and a personal choice (risks considered) but of my best friends had a baby at 45 and it’s nearly broken her issues such as

• exhaustion as the baby doesn’t sleep well
• strain on her relationship with her husband with the 3rd child and the logistics and their work patterns and other commitments
• issues with her older kids 15 and 12 and the huge age gap trying to balance everything with their activities and clubs
• financial strain of nursery fees again even given the new funding it does not cover everything and they’re in the process of having another bedroom added as as extension
• Horrendous post natal depression she didn’t have before with the older 2 so trying to navigate this and the unknown
• although she loves baby craves her life she had before as older kids now independant - no lunches out on a weekend or night out with friends as she cant afford it and even if she could she’s wiped out!!

she said to me last week she loves the baby but had absolutely forgotten how hard it was and she is literally knackered and back to work full time after 9 months and the financial strain

I absolutely wouldn’t have a baby past 40 but that is a personal choice

does your 5 year old really not fill you with enough joy to want another @wifestroppyknickers?

Percentage wise, between your wife and yourself how much would another child mean to each?

Tbh, I was one and done but my husband persuaded me otherwise, so I count my lucky stars.

Im 39 this winter my baby is 20years old my eldest is 22 both moved out.
I think its down to you op.
We all have our cut off point for me it would have been 30.
I had mine young (shit happens) and it worked for me as i have my life back i would not have the time money or energy.
Im constantly traveling now.
My sister had her last at 41 hes 3 now her eldest is 19.

Whenever I’ve thought someone has been too old it’s because they looked it. I know lots of parents with babies & toddlers in their mid to late forties and some look like parents and some like grandparents. Sometimes it looks right and others not. Irrational I know.

That said. If you can get pregnant you obviously are not too old despite what is the social norm of the time.

For me 45 was the point where the idea of getting pregnant again became truly horrifying.

I certainly wasn’t trying to get pregnant anywhere close to that age, but there was definitely a mental shift into hell no would I consider keeping a pregnancy at this point.

apologies@svg23don't want to derail your thread

@wifestroppyknickers we could continue our discourse, should you wish, I expect though, you have the emotional intelligence to realise that having a second child is huge for both you and your wife?

I guess looking at the odds though, both you and your wife will end up resentful and that will never work going forward.

I suspect that if your beloved wife has been unable to persuade, then some random on MN is highly unlikely to affect any change.

For me, 35 maximum. For other women, whenever they want.

but if your wife cannot "convince" what on earth could be said to alter your situation?

I feel heartsore for her, but neither of you is wrong.

I don't think there's a standardised age and it all depends on the individual. Women who became mothers younger in life are more likely to give a younger 'too old' age, while the opposite will be true of older mums. Society will say 35-38 but who cares? Mum knows best!

Mother nature decides when we're too old to have babies. Until then I think individual women should have their dc at a time of life they decide is best for them. I chose my 30s to have my 2 dc. I'd enjoyed the freedom of my youth, in my 30s I was still very fit and energetic and had a lot more patience for dc. Now in late 40s theres no way I could do it all again. I dont have the same energy, patience or any interest in babies whatsoever.
Each to their own I suppose.

Why on earth she'd want another with you? Poor lassie

At 45 I can't even begin to imagine having any more dc, my youngest is 11. I'd worry about any future dc having genetic issues due to increased risk, yes I know that can and does happen at any age but certainly is more likely with age. Not only that but can't even contemplate dealing with a newborn alongside perimenopause. Cut off for me would have been 47 had I not had my last one at 33 anyway.

I once met a woman who’d had 4 in her 40s! She seemed very wise and serene in her 60s. Very well off husband though.

I really struggled in my third pregnancy at 38 and felt I aged a lot from it and from the baby/toddler years. I wouldn’t have wanted to do any older.
But generally id say 43.

I think 40s for men and women. Especially if fertility treatment is needed due to age.

It's a 'how long is a piece of string' question.

For me, I wanted to have given birth to my last child as 34, but due to a couple of losses, hasn't happened that way. My first was born when I was 31. I could have chosen to do it a lot earlier, as DH and I met at 19, but we never wanted to be very young parents. We wanted to be more financially secure first, which we now are. I'm 34 now and very newly pregnant, so hoping my last baby will be born when I'm 35. I fell pregnant easy each time, so I don't feel that I'm anywhere near 'too old' yet. Of course, there's not wanting to be too old, or gone even, before the children are adults themselves, so this is my main concern. My mum and dad were 35 and 37 when they had me and I never felt they were old at all (sadly lost my dad when i was 27 as he passed from cancer at the young age of 64). 40+ would probably be starting to be old for a baby for me, personally, just because i'd like to be around for them longer. But, we could also die tomorrow so ofc there's that! I was speaking to someone recently who knew someone who passed away when their child was only 3.5. That broke my heart.

Personally 40
but if I had the luxury of not working with a rich devoted husband I probably would have added a year or two on that deadline
full time working and raising young children in your 40s is brutal

I was hesitate past 35 and definitely wouldn’t past 40. More so because most of the FTM I know over 35 have had complicated pregnancies, emergency caesareans, etc

It’s less about the age and more about the quality of ”ingredients ”. A lot depends on the age of the father. Old man’s sperm isn’t as healthy as young man’s sperm. Egg quality is equally important.

For me personally the cutoff was 40, partly because my then husband was 47 at that time and I knew about the risks to the future baby.