Too old to have a baby age

[svg23]

This has been done to a thousand times but when is the tipping point between being quite old to have a baby and being too old...

My personal cut off was always 35, as it happens I’ll give birth to our third and final DC next month, the month before I turn 35.

For me, I just didn’t want to spend my 40s and 50s bringing up little children - at some point I’d love to claim my body back as my own and spend some time with my husband 🥲 we’ve been bringing up children since we were 22.

I also feel absolutely EXHAUSTED this pregnancy - I definitely couldn’t imagine going through this if I were much older and anybody who does must be much fitter than I am.

@svg23 maybe you'd like to add your opinion since you posted the question?

49-50

At 45 you have a 1 in 30 chance of having a child with down syndrome. For me 40+ is too old because the risks really start to get higher then. Of course you can have a perfectly healthy baby - but the risks are too high for me to want to consider it.

Energy and thinking ahead wise, I'd say even younger. I wouldn't want an 18 year old when I was approaching 60. From that perspective I'd rather not go over 35.

This. 100%.

It can also be quite upsetting for people TTC to read "well my personal opinion is x age" when you're desperately trying to become a parent past that age. I don't think it's for a third party to make someone feel they're too old, even prefaced with it being a personal opinion

That’s crazy looool! I had my second at 33! She’s all healthy and so am I lol people are insane!

Totally personal preference, for me it would be 35. We don’t want to be still on the school run in our 40’s, health concerns, various other personal reasons, 35 was always our agreed cut off.

As a 44 year old mum to a almost 3 year old and 19 year old I'd say 45 would be my personal stopping point, although frog marched DH into a vasectomy a few months back, I'm definitely done, but I don't regret it. The 40+ pregnancy was easier than my first and I feel the toddler keeps me young and knackered 🤣

Yeah my mam had me at 33 and that was in the 90s, and her mother had her at the age of 36 and that was in the 60s, so it really isn't the case that mothers in their 30s are a new phenomenon!

45 was my cut off, v lucky to conceive mine v quickly… had DC1 at 37, DC2 21 months later. Had a great time in my 20s and would not have wanted DC until 30 at the earliest. Weirdly I know LOADS of people who’ve had DC in their late 40s, and honestly they’re wonderful mums but I couldn’t imagine having a young baby at this age (am early 50s) and all that entails, it’s been very tough going for all of them! But a lot can depend on life circumstances… when you meet partner etc etc…

I was going to say the same. If you can get pregnant naturally and have a healthy baby, then you re not too old.

Whether you feel you don't want to do it.At a certain age is another thing entirely.

Sure but on the flip side having kids young means probably a lot less money, less life experience, less stability and maybe that you missed out on going out/travel etc.

The practicalities of having kids in your 20’s for example doesnt automatically mean it will be better.

The age at which you feel it’s right and you can is the right age for you. No one can say otherwise.

I feel like 42 is ok, 43 is too old. Based on nothing really.

30 for me but everyone is different

Personally my ide cut off age was 35, which I managed to achieve. But if I hadn’t been able to conceive by then I would definitely have kept trying. The thought of doing all the baby/nursery/school stuff in my late 40s fills me with angst.

38 upwards

I wouldn’t put an age on it, as it’s so different for people based on all sorts of variables.

But I always think it’s worth looking further ahead and thinking about how old you’ll be with a 5 yr old, 10 yr old, teenager, young adult still living at home etc and what the practicalities might be. I could easily have gone for anothrr cute little baby at 45…school run at 55, a year 10 kid going through exams at 60 or still funding a young adult at 65 and beyond? Not so much!

@wifestroppyknickers it’s not really up to you to decide for your wife if her previous birth experience precludes future babies: yes, of course YOU can say you dont want any more but your wife could decide otherwise and either meet someone else or seek donor sperm 🤷‍♀️. A third degree tear is awful but it’s recoverable and she could always have an ELCS.

As to the OP, my personal cut off would have been around 40-42 which is handy as that’s when fertility falls off a cliff. As a person now approaching 50 and in perimenopause, I am forever grateful I’m not also wrestling small children alongside my hirmones.

My grandma had my uncle at 47, and that was over 60 years ago!
Personally I am now 40 and think I'd struggle now with a newborn.

@wifestroppyknickers there seems to be some undercurrent of dissatisfaction in your posts?

a 3rd ° tear and heaven forfend 38 years old 🙊 does not preclude having another child, does it?

Perhaps she is reluctant? Is that what you're saying?

I think a good guide is with the end of natural fertility - for most, that's by 45. I had my first at 41, then adopted at 45. I didnt find my age a problem when they were little, but now they're nearly grown I am feeling very tired.

I had wanted to have children younger, but life had other ideas. When I was ttc I set a cut-off of 40, then reset to 'by the end of 40' when I conceived then miscarried.

So that was my personal cut-off, but I think its ghastly to go round saying a general cut off should be 35, because you were lucky enough to have children young. Infertility is so painful, and none of us can choose to be ten years younger, we can only choose to give up on children. A bit of tact and kindness goes a long way.