1 year old not allowed into scan appt - no childcare

[Stardust127]

Hi

I have my dating and screening scan booked for the end of August. I have recently been made aware that my one year old won’t be allowed into the scan appt in the imaging dept. Which means that I will be alone (Dh will have to look after baby - we have no support/childcare)

I’ve had 2 miscarriages this year before this current pregnancy and I’m a nervous wreck so the thought of being alone fills me with dread. I need to go to the scan, so I’m really not sure what to do? Has anyone else been in this situation?

thank you x

In the situation that you are a single mum with no support network available to you, a referral to social care is made in order to put a network in place prior to labour/birth.

scan are a medical procedure but because they are so common place now most don’t see them that way. When I discuss the anomaly scan people look at me like I’ve gone mad and say ‘oh you mean the gender scan?’. No, I mean the scan that looks at your baby in minute detail from top to toe to ensure, as far as possible, that their are no abnormalities.

most trusts stopped children being present years ago, certainly I couldn’t take mine when I was pregnant with my last, she’s 15 later this year.

Change the time to a time when your friend can help?

You must have a friend that could walk him around in a buggy outside the hospital?

Bear in mind that a second labour can be a hell of a lot quicker than the first. If your husband has to wait 4 hours before he can get to you, it may well be al over and done with by the time he arrives.

thats odd, I’m allowed my DH and 3 year old, they just have to wait outside until it’s been medically cleared and then they can come in

Can you ask a friend? I was in the same situation. I had to go to all those appointments alone. I was a nervous wreck.

Don't take the baby to the EPAU scan. It is more likely women will have found out they have miscarried.

I would definitely start to look for a local baby sitter now. Use them throughout the pregnancy and build a rapport with them. Then one option to have up your sleeve is that they will likely be happy to be 'on call' in the lead up to birth, obviously with expectation of being paid a bit more. A family member did this and found a lovely woman, trustworthy, became very close to the family and was more than happy to be available for D Day. Congratulations on your pregnancy! x

It’s not just about you though is it! What if another woman just finds out she’s lost her baby and sees/ hears your 1 year old whether crying or making a disturbance or not!

I think it’s a good rule to have even though it sucks. I’ve had the worst news at my 12 week scan and it was Covid so they snuck my husband in. Could not have coped walking out and seeing babies.

it’s still a medical procedure and needs to be treated the same way.

make sure you join some antenatal groups when this baby is born so you have parents of similar age babies.

NCT gave me friends for life.

I think they absolutely should make exceptions where needed. It's so unfriendly and unsupportive to families...and even more to anyone single. Risks preventing access to medical care.

When I was pregnant the letters said they preferred children not to be at scans but I assumed from that if someone had no choice it would have been ok.

I would try and bring a friend with you who can mind the baby during the scan

I had to delay my scan at the epu because I had no childcare for the first time. My partner couldn't come with me on the next date either so I was on my own when I found out my pregnancy had ended. It was horrible but I was also so glad I didn't have my daughter with me and having to sensor my emotions in front of my 4yo even if dad was with her.

I’ve been there (recently). So far, DH has been to none of the 12w scan, 2 x 16w cardiac scans and won’t be able to come the 20w scan or 20w cardiac scan. We previously had a dc that died due to a genetic condition, and I had a tfmr last year. I promise I get how you feel.

Your options:

• find childcare and DH comes
• let the midwives know you need extra support. i have been put with a special midwife team who are available 24/7 on text, attend and will move all of my appts etc.

Consider hiring a doula to be there with you whilst your husband waits for mil to arrive for childcare.

Also are you sure your friends wouldn't help? Are you just assuming they wouldn't as I'd look after someones child in an emergency like that with no hesitation.

Thank you all I’ve got a friend who is happy to help out when DH and I go for the scan at the end of August. I don’t know what we’ll do at the birth but I will definitely reach out to friends to see if they can help - I’m just worried our DC will need looking after overnight and that’s a lot to ask of anyone.

we’ve decided to just take things one milestone at a time. Getting through the scan next week and end of August scan for example. So we’ll think about the birthing situation around Christmas time x

This is interesting - where would I be able to find a doula? X

I’ve seen that you’ve found a friend to help out with the scan but I wanted to say that our trust has the same “no children” policy and they state that on all the scan letters but I have seen multiple people bring children anyway. It means their partner has to wait right outside the scan room with the child, but it’s better to have them outside than all the way at home x

Online: Find A Doula or The Doula Directory

Would you take a baby into another type of medical procedure or examination? No. Why should it be ‘family friendly’? They are professionals trying to concentrate and get on with their job. Also patients in the vicinity who have experienced news that their pregnancy has failed or is at high risk, do not want to be surrounded by noisy, kids and there often ‘loud’ parents.

If I had no one to help (luckily I do have people) yes I would take my baby if I had to. Unless it was something like actual surgery or something...but they could sit in the pram for a scan so if I had no other option theoretically I would try?

I've taken my baby to GP appointments before. When I had a scan postpartum once I took my mum to hold my baby while I was in the appointment. But not everyone has a mum or anyone to do that.

It should be family friendly because we should value children and care about people and pregnancy is about creating families. And because some people really have limited options and limited support.

Having bad news about your pregnancy is tough - has happened to me. But it doesn't mean you can expect never to see children or babies out and about.
When my baby was little I always took him everywhere with me - like when he was in the waiting room with my mum - he was breastfed and extremely clingy. I couldn't leave a few months old baby at home.

Book a private scan.

The rule is there incase anyone gets bad news and also because not everyone's children are well behaved or supervised , I went to all my scans alone including cervical scans as I have an incompetent cervix which causes prem birth and my partner had to stay with our other kids .
I'd start looking for a sitter now because my trust send women away that turn up with kids

There can safe spaces though if you have bad news or infertility. I didn't particularly enjoy seeing the baby triplets I saw coming out of the IVF clinic (in the main hospital). Just get childcare.

So I had this exact situation, I had a 5 and 1 year old and didn’t have anyone who’d ever looked after them.

the week before the 12 week scan booked a private one to ensure I’d have no horrible news when alone, you can always take children to these. Once we knew everything was okay then went to every appointment alone after that. Unfortunately just something we’d have to accept for having more than one child and no support!

Had a home birth with baby 2 and 3 and just had to manage it between us.

If you're talking about screening for Downs syndrome etc then a lot of private clinics will do a scan and Nipt which is much more accurate than the NHS screening anyway