1 year old not allowed into scan appt - no childcare

[Stardust127]

Hi

I have my dating and screening scan booked for the end of August. I have recently been made aware that my one year old won’t be allowed into the scan appt in the imaging dept. Which means that I will be alone (Dh will have to look after baby - we have no support/childcare)

I’ve had 2 miscarriages this year before this current pregnancy and I’m a nervous wreck so the thought of being alone fills me with dread. I need to go to the scan, so I’m really not sure what to do? Has anyone else been in this situation?

thank you x

You could ask another mum, and offer to have their DC for a date night/break for a few hours for them in return

As everyone has said, the options are you either find childcare with over a months notice or you go by yourself. There's not anything mumsnet can do for you here but don't be shocked when your child also isn't allowed to join you in hospital while your giving birth... what's your plan there? I would assume you're preparing to give birth solo?

No need for the sarcasm I have two children so I’m very aware that he wouldn’t be allowed in when I’m giving birth lol. Do you speak to everyone with such a patronising tone? I think that’s something to reflect on, if so. Not sure how old you are but if you haven’t already learnt that making assumptions makes you 1. Look very silly most of the time and 2. A narrow minded person with not much empathy, then I think it’s time you do learn. I’m sure you’re relating to this.

You can get private scans instead of NHS scans, there are some specialists who are much better, they're not cheap though.

When it’s your second child or more it’s really common for your dp to wait in the waiting area with your other child(ren) then once they have done the calculations they let them come in briefly.

as far as for the birth you need a plan a b and c, c for me and most is dp misses the birth

As a single mum with a now 3 year old and 10 month old I can say that social services were never involved and it was never suggested that my eldest be taken into temporary care for a scan.

As a teacher I'd love to know where all these temporary foster carers are ready to take children of loving mothers who need 10mins of childcare for a scan. On the flip side though I do think there is an argument for hospitals having creches for children of people having outpatient appointments.

This problem comes up time and time again and I remember myself having this issue years ago when I had my children. Not everybody has family or friends that don’t work to look after dc and I’m sure without doubt, that if men had babies the NHS would have crèches for this!

I was where you are and felt so scared by the thought of going to these appointments alone. No family live anywhere near to help. It’s probably not what you want to hear but I did it all alone. My husband didn’t come to any scan for our second (which he was equally gutted about) and I gave birth alone. The thought of it was much worse than the reality. But after a miscarriage and a difficult first birth I just had to get in the frame of mind that all that mattered was the baby was okay. The second birth actually went worse and ended up being an emergency c-section but as terrified as I was I also felt strong. You can do it. Hopefully you can find some childcare but if you don’t please don’t worry. You can get through it either way.

From someone who has sadly experienced miscarriages and a still birth. When I had my rainbow baby, I fell pregnant again within a few months & as hard as it was, I had to attend a lot of my scans alone. It was scary but I had no choice. Unfortunately DP was unwell in hospital himself and I remember scheduling my scans around visiting him.

If you have to do this alone, you can absolutely do this alone. You’ve got this! Be brave and stay strong. ❤️

I would imagine this is for the birth as well and any hospital stay both before and after labour. You must have a very efficient hospital if scans only last 10 minutes. Ive never had an appointment that isn’t atleast 30 minutes behind schedule even at 9am! There is then the wait to be seen by the midwife after the scan and any travel time to and from the hospital if using public transport. If you need a parking space at our trust that’s another 40+ minutes added on and a silent prayer to the parking gods. Not too bad if someone can sit with the child in the waiting room but OP has stated this is not allowed at her hospital.

What about hiring a baby sitter who can meet you at the hospital and play with your child in the a near by park or playground while you have your scan? Some of them have gardens (st George’s in tooting has lots of them!)

sure bubble.com or care.com will throw up some well vetted options - and you could plan a meet or two between now and then to familiarise your one year old with them before hand…

As you are giving advice with sarcasm yourself, OP, a little reflection yourself could help.
Hospitals are set up for the many, not the few.
You write with a sense of entitlement, that OF COURSE the Imaging Department should set its rules to suit your own particular circumstances. Whilst casually criticising two other hospitals.
Did they say ‘no’ to you too?

This is understandable but also worth addressing. You are making this experience harder and more stressful for you and DH. It's worth the risk that the people around you might pleasantly surprise you. Nothing puts bad people in context better than filling your life with good ones.

Start offering help, rather than asking for it, you'll see that it's not a big deal and take the weight out of it. Are any of you DCs friends in the same position, so you could watch each others? You might find it easier to be reciprocal. Can you ask what they did, if they have a babysitter they can recommend? Mostly people will answer this with an offer to help.

Most people are happy to help, the world is mostly full of nice people. Take steps to be less isolated as a family, just tiny steps, it will be worth it, honestly.

Good luck with the scan and congratulations on the pregnancy.

We had a similar situation with our 4th. Three children, summer holidays, nearest family 3 hours drive away and had not long moved to the area so hadn't built up a network. I just had to suck it up and go alone (had a miscarriage a few months before as well).

By the time my daughter was due, we had some friends and they were more than happy to help out. My mum was first call, but as it was was on holiday (baby came 4 weeks early!),middle of the night and I have very fast labours (u der 45 mins). My friend came over to watch the children and even kept them at her house the following night so when we came home we had a night where husband could sort the house out and I could have one night where didn't have to think about the others!

For the scan I’d go alone or get your partner to come with you but wait outside in the car with the child.

For the labour I’d consider asking if your friends are ok with you phoning at night if needed. I wouldn’t have an issue babysitting in those circumstances and I’m sure many others wouldn’t either. You could ask if you could drop your child at their house on the way to the hospital so it’s easier for them. Second children are often born a lot quicker than first so you might not have 3.5 hours to wait for MIL to arrive and also risk her driving at night whilst tired.

Just ask them even if you have to text or message, if you find it to much face to face, put it in a group chat.

3.5 hours might be too late? My 2nd Labour lasted 40 mins !

Sorry I meant to quote you op, I meant ask your mum friends.

Different circumstances but a similar situation for me. I was pregnant during COVID following many rounds of IVF and 3 MCs. DH was not even allowed to set foot in the hospital so we paid for a private scan in advance but I was still very apprehensive at the NHS scan given my history but it was fine. If you can at least bring him to the hospital with you so he can be there straight away when you come out. Hope all goes well x

My son and partner waited outside for me so they were in the building but not in the scan room, my son was not allowed into the scan, he is also 1. We booked an early reassurance scan privately before the hospital dating scan, my son was allowed into that so meant we could all be in there and I didn’t need to be alone x

Even if it was a new friend If they asked me to look after their little one for a medical appointment or going into labour i would help out.

Please dont be afraid to ask... they may ask you to reciprocate at some point

The worst that will happen they will say no... don't take it as a slight but ask someone else.

Or find a nursery and start settling now even if its just one day a week, you will be grateful for the rest as pregnancy goes on and it's good for little ones social skills.

Trust me you will need help in the future.

Would your mother in law not be able to come for the scan ?

Same, no child care support!
No village here!!
the struggle is real. We called on a neighbour when I was induced 🙈
only thing is she is a pensioner and early 60’s so nearly wasn’t fair.

I had a mmc at our 12 week scan 17 years ago then had 2 children, so had to go to my recent 20 week scan alone and the baby no longer had a heartbeat. I then had to go in to birth the baby alone because, as yourself I have no childcare. You are capable, and whatever the outcome at least you know your other child is safe - thats my viewpoint.
The earlier private scan is a really good idea too!!

How on earth will you look after 2 children you cant even look after yourself,