1 year old not allowed into scan appt - no childcare

[Stardust127]

Hi

I have my dating and screening scan booked for the end of August. I have recently been made aware that my one year old won’t be allowed into the scan appt in the imaging dept. Which means that I will be alone (Dh will have to look after baby - we have no support/childcare)

I’ve had 2 miscarriages this year before this current pregnancy and I’m a nervous wreck so the thought of being alone fills me with dread. I need to go to the scan, so I’m really not sure what to do? Has anyone else been in this situation?

thank you x

She comes down often and we go up often so my baby is very comfortable with her. We could ask her I guess but that would mean her taking 2 days annual leave which I can’t expect her to do. I’ll see if a friend can have him. I think I’m just more annoyed at the fact that this hospital won’t allow him in given the circumstances. What if I was a single mom, no childcare, no friends and no money for a childminder …

You can get the NIPT screening test privately along with a scan, from 10 weeks. Around £400-500 so not affordable to everyone but if you have the money you could absolutely do that instead. It’s a far superior test to the NHS combined test so there’s not actually much point getting the NHS scan after doing NIPT except as a free chance to see baby which you could definitely do on your own without DP.

Its really hard but if you can't find childcare you will just have to go on your own.

I had a stillbirth and 2 MMCs before my youngest was born. Although I was afforded some flexibility, the no children rule was hard and fast. I had a few appointments and scans on my own.

I would go with the private scan before your NHS one so you sort of know what will happen. Its not 100% obviously but I wouldn't skip the NHS scans. They are the important ones for testing and their treatment plans etc. I did private scans before both of my NHS routine scans mainly because I couldn't wait more than anything else.

Then this is where paid for childcare makes sense. You're not being a burden, you are paying for a service.

Sorry you’re in this position OP, but like everyone else has said it’s the hospital policy and isn’t going to change for you unfortunately. I’m sure you think you’re being a burden to your friends with children but if you ask I’m sure they’d be willing to help out! 3.5 hours is also a very long time to wait for your MIL to come, I say this as both my children came incredibly quickly and I was induced with one of them!

Also not to perpetuate your anxiety but I had bad news from my screening and I was none the wiser at the scan! The results didn’t come back for a few days and the unit called me.

I’m so sorry for your losses, that’s really sad and must have been so heartbreaking for you.

how did you cope emotionally throughout your pregnancy with your youngest and in the scans? I’m an absolute mess. I’m so scared something is going to be wrong. I feel like all our luck is out. 😔

I think you’d be surprised how many friends would be happy to help if needed. I’d help friends for sure in this situation/labour babysitting if I could. Do you help others out with babysitting etc? May help you build a village of support going forward.

Otherwise there are flexible nannying services available although obviously ££.

Hope that it goes ok.

Thank you. Yes I’m worried that the labour will be fast because this is my third child (long gap between 1st and 2nd though) . I might be induced again. I was with my second due to gestational diabetes. The anxiety of all this is awful.

If it’s end of August OP you should easily be able to find a paid babysitter now and build up a relationship before then even just an hour every other week.

Failing that though I would agree with others to build a village of friends where you are. Things with pregnancy & babies can be very unpredictable and you may have a few instances where at the last minute you need to pop to triage, for a scan, hospital etc so if you’re going to want your husband there then I’d start thinking about that now.

Thank you and yes me too I’d more than happily help out a friend, I think I just need to get over my feelings of being a burden on others. But it’s related to a complex traumatic past so unfortunately not something I can just snap out of.

Just ask yourself “Would I do the same for them if I was asked to?”

And I think you would answer “Yes, in a flash, would be happy to.”

You are making assumptions about them based not on the reality of their kindness and friendship, but on your anxiety. Go with the reality.

For what its worth another reason the hospitals do not allow children, especially babies, to attend these scans is because as you sadly know not everybody has a positive scan experience and for those women who don’t they really don’t need to be sat beside a baby in the waiting room.

I don't have any childcare solutions, but just wanted to add I've had 4 missed miscarriages (all found at scans, when previous scans had had heartbeats), and for the last 2 pregnancies (4th and currently ongoing 5th) I've been to scans by myself as my other half hasn't been able to take the time away from work (decided between us that we needed the money because he would have had to take unpaid leave). It isn't easy but the team has always been so supportive. At my 12 week scan this time I walked in the door and burst into tears. They got another nurse to come and sit with me, hold my hand and distract me. If you end up needing to go alone I promise you will be ok, even if it is more difficult xx

I’m so sorry for your losses 😔 it’s difficult being pregnant after miscarriages. I , and I can imagine others too, feel like the rose tinted view on pregnancy has been robbed from me. There’s no joy or happiness at all. Just fear.

did you ask for a nurse to come sit with you during the scan? If it really does come to it, I think that would be helpful.

Just ask your new friends, and at the same time offer to return the favour. You cannot go through parenthood being scared to call in favours as there will be plenty of incidences where you could do with some help - you just have to help them out them out when they need you.

Yes this is true. That would be awful. EPU have told me I can bring him to the reassurance scan next week. It’s just the imaging department who won’t allow it. The woman on the phone firmly told me it’s a rule since Covid. We’re years past that. It’s weird that that’s the reason for their policy rule and not the reasons you’ve stated.

Thank you - yeah I have been so anxious the whole time, the innocence and joy was definitely stolen. I'm in survival mode. Just have to try our best to take one day at a time. Even that is difficult!

I didn't ask, the sonographer offered and I took her up on it immediately. They were both so lovely throughout and really understanding. I would definitely ask if this is possible for you too x

Thank you.

My last pregnancy was really hard to be honest. I was monitored alot so I kind of got use to going to appointments and scans by the end. We booked private scans for pre NHS scans when my DH couldn't come so he was at least with me for some things esp the first one (I had an NHS 8 week scan which DH couldn't come to so we went for a scan privately before hand). In the early days, anxiety was high so I would just explain at appointment and scans I was anxious so sorry in advance is I was not myself.
I just learnt to take one scan and appointment at a time. Focusing on the short term helped me get through the whole pregnancy. You can't impact what is going to happen so I tried to remind myself of that.
I sometimes too extra time off work around scans and appointments if they are at a milestone point for me in the pregnancy (getting passed the 8 weeks and then 16 weeks scans were big points for us).

It feels like a long and hard road so be kind to yourself.

You absolutely cannot take your child into the scan with you!!! No exceptions.

Have you checked your hospitals exact policy? Ours said no children but the fine print said “unless you have no childcare options”, which we didn’t. Our sonographer loved having her too, thankfully, and she just sat quietly and watched. You’d have to check yours and have a think about whether dc would be disruptive or not.

I am also in this position pregnant with my second child and have a one year old, she has only been with me or her dad since she was born as we have no help at all. All my friends have fulltime jobs and children of their own so aren’t available at random times during the week.

Unfortunately children are not allowed into NHS scans, full stop. I queried with my midwife what would happen if I was a single mother with no help and she said social services would get involved and the child would have to go into temporary foster care.

I’ve been to all my scans so far alone and I expect to be going to growth scans every two weeks soon which I will also go to alone. Unfortunately that’s just how it goes when you have no village.

They are not keen to worry a pregnant woman by mentioning that she may discover a miscarriage at her scan appointment.

You sound like a very delightful person! I understand this but please try to be kinder and perhaps have some empathy into how I might actually be feeling. It would probably help you in other situations too.

If I’m honest, I also wouldn’t take a one year old to your EPU scan either. If it’s anything like ours, there’ll be women waiting for news and people getting bad outcomes and it was like be so hard for them to be faced with a young child in the waiting room.