1 year old not allowed into scan appt - no childcare

[Stardust127]

Hi

I have my dating and screening scan booked for the end of August. I have recently been made aware that my one year old won’t be allowed into the scan appt in the imaging dept. Which means that I will be alone (Dh will have to look after baby - we have no support/childcare)

I’ve had 2 miscarriages this year before this current pregnancy and I’m a nervous wreck so the thought of being alone fills me with dread. I need to go to the scan, so I’m really not sure what to do? Has anyone else been in this situation?

thank you x

They won’t let you.
I watched someone get turned away at the hospital.
whatever your reasons, all of us with multiple children found it hard but no, they will turn you away x

The hospital I went to didn’t allow children in the scanning department as sadly there is a chance there will be people there getting bad news and it’s probably not the time they want to see a healthy happy baby running around 💔 - do you have a friend you could take to the appointment with you if you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child? If not there must be a canteen somewhere in the hospital that your husband and son could wait in?

Thank you all (apart from the few sarcastic and damn right rude comments for god knows what reason. I feel you need a strong back bone to be part of the mumsnet community). I’ve asked a friend if she can watch DC and she’s happy to but looking into whether she can. I’ve got a couple of people I can ask if that falls through. I want to avoid telling as many people as I can about the pregnancy as I’m being so cautious. But needs must.

I think I just had a bit of a panic because this is all difficult enough as it is and I dread the idea of being alone throughout any of it. Thank you to those who said I could, and that I’d be strong enough to. Your words make all the difference ♥️

The sonographer needs to concentrate. It’s not just a dating scandal but for abnormalities.

I had my 12 week scan alone. I had made arrangements for my 2 year old daughter. Which is a good thing as the devastation of the discovery of a fatal abnormality should not be shared with a child of any age. It took the sonographer a lot of concentration and skill to determine an issue that was rare and she hadn’t seen before. She may not have seen it if distracted.

This is a critical health scan and the health professional needs to be able to do their job.

Plus those getting horrific news should be able to receive it without the sight of small children (pregnant women are hard enough).

Its tricky bit you need to make arrangements.

I think you are maybe not being fair to your friends. I had a friend when my children were young who had no support and was happy to do things like this when needed. I definitely would have done this for her. The only barrier being work tbh, not having to get up in the middle of the night. I once took her A&E and sat with her all night, then went to work the next day as an example. I think you do that stuff for friends when you can.

Just a heads up OP, second labours can really zoom by relative to first time labour. my second labour was 6 hours all in BUT i wasnt even sure i was in labor for the first hour or 2. I would have struggled to get to hospital in time if i had to wait for 4hrs for the childcare to arrive.
I know many people have 2nd labours shorter than mine.

if low risk perhaps a home birth could work for you?

I would go to the scan with my husband and baby in a pushchair...see what happens next. I would look after your little one in a heartbeat if I was your friend...no matter how close we were. I know it's hard to put yourself in a vulnerable position to ask.

My second labour was 2 hours from knowing 100% it was happening to birth.
i would put a friend on standby for labour too.

i wish you all the best xx

OP I completely get where your coming from, in 2020 I was having an ectopic pregnancy, I went in by myself expecting to see my little first pregnancy (this was peak covid) I was then rushed to surgery, I had to phone my husband who was in the car park. And the time he got to me I was being wheeled into theatre, because it was about to rupture he couldn’t visit me after surgery he just saw me in the corridor for a few fleeting seconds and even then that was an exception of a nurse cause I was in such a state.
But the hospital can’t change it just because you have nobody for childcare, which I think you have said you understand.(my friend is a sonographer and she said it’s the best decision made not having every family member in there) a family member had to be told she’d lost her twins in the second trimester only to be greeted by twin toddlers as she walked out the scan room waiting with their mother for her scan, personally I think it’s a good thing.
I get it differs from trust to trust. The MIL being 3.5 hours away is risky, for labour (my second came in 41 minutes)
maybe build up a relationship with some mums etc go to a few toddler groups etc. build up your village. If I had a new friend who explained I’d try my hardest to help, even if it’s to watch child number 1 whilst MIL drives to you. And you don’t know what’s doing to happen in the next 6 months. You could need a c section anything. I’d recommend looking into a private scan before 12 weeks.
silblings can go to those, then maybe at the actual NHS scan husband and child can wait in the car park maybe? Go for a walk around the hospital grounds etc so if his needed his there. I complete understand it’s an anxious time. Please don’t do what some people are suggesting turn up with child and hubby, if your turned away you’ll be upset and it isn’t nice also a massive waste of an NHS appointment

I understand thd difficulty but it’s understandable they won’t let children in. As others say - what happens during labour? Time to plan this as a dry run in terms of arrangements.

It wasn’t like that before. I had a one year old and was pregnant 2010. It used to be alright

I don’t think you should ask your MIL - she lives too far away, and she works, so will have to take annual leave. It’s unfair of you. Best solution is to go by yourself and Dh stays with baby. Otherwise, look for paid childcare. When I went into labour with my second baby, we took our elder child to her childminder, who kept her overnight.

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Find a private scan place that lets you take the child with you, and go for a private scan ahead of the 12 week scan. Honestly I am so supportive for the no children rule. It’s not fair if someone is getting bad news and they go into the waiting room and there’s a baby sitting there. Also the sonographer needs to concentrate. I had a MC with pregnancy 1, and I couldn’t have coped going for scans with pregnancy 2 if there were kids around, I was so scared already; luckily it went well.

My DH couldn’t come to my 12 week scan as he had a prebooked work trip so we did a private scan at 10 weeks, and my mum came to the 12 week scan

Well not if they say no kids allowed? Which is very common

The private scan wont do the NHS screening but you could pay privately for a NIPT which would give you the same testing answers. But I meant you could go to a private scan so you know baby is alive, then go into the nhs scans for the screening.

We set up a babysitting circle when mine was that age. Mums that all met through playgroup/antenatal etc. initially would just have someone else baby for dentist appointment etc. dropped my baby off and picked up an hour later. It just builds trust and confidence. when you have one baby/toddler, another isn’t that much more work. As they got older and we all knew each others babies better we used to do evening babysitting for each other.

we actually made little tokens for an hour babysit and all started with ten or so. We used these for payment and some actively then offered to babysit so they could earn tokens as they had a couple of hair appointments etc hooked and needed the favour back. It worked brilliantly as we all felt happy to ask knowing that someone else would then also ask iyswim.

as they got older we did away with the towns and were all such good friends that sometimes we’d just do sleepovers so the others could go out. Incidentally I ended up going to one house when mum went in to labour. Her toddler was asleep and she’d already asked me to be on standby so I went over around 4am and waited until her mother could get there.

Oh no that's so sad. I'm so very sorry for your loss and having to go through the scan and the traumatic birth alone 💔😪💐

Same! Got to the hospital at 8cm dilated born 2 hours later

This was the case at my hospital but they did allow it if you let them know in advance and the kid wasn’t running riot. They just said it on the letter to discourage people

Not ideal, but you could (if you can) pay for a private scan, they allow children in.

That's a really weird thing to say dude. Are you quite alright?

You have the staff there to look after you. Sounds like you just need to do it. A single person would have to go in alone.

You can absolutely have a private scan and screening test and refuse the NHS one, but you are talking a fair few hundred pounds.

Most hospitals don't allow children into the screening room, some trusts do allow in exceptional circumstances - but you've already clarified yours does not.

As other posters say; I would be more concerned about the birth plan. 3.5 hours is far too long for your MIL to drive down. Start getting your other children used to a babysitter now. I had to do this with all my children, although I had planned c-sections so I could book the sitter in well in advance and over night.